Time I think to return to the subject of my beloved, I have been considering the public nature of these posts, and started to wonder if I might scare off a potential candidate if he thinks I’m going to expose all here. I will be as honest as I can with my readers, but there are some things best kept private, and developing relationships definitely fall into this category. If I want to express anything in relation to that I will simply have to find suitable metaphors or examples.
So I thought it would be a good idea to express my feelings on the possibility of a beloved coming into my life, yes I am looking for a life partner, but I have no intention of jumping on the first potential mate that turns up. Oh the temptation will be there for sure, old patterns have many layers, and I know for a fact that I still have beliefs that say things like “Grab this relationship and hold on no matter what, it may never happen again!”
These days I am very aware of these old beliefs, and I know that the optimum path is a very different one. What I really need is to have relationships with the right kind of men, conscious, aware, and open to their emotions, to have intimacy that doesn’t have to lead to sex. I need to explore what a truly healthy relationship feels like, and in that process I might find my beloved, or I might find a beautiful new friend. Both of those outcomes are very desirable, almost all of my intimate friends are women, and it would be nice to have more beautiful male friends too.
I haven’t been very comfortable with my own masculine energy in this lifetime, by having more of that energy around me in the form of friends, I may learn to be ok with that aspect of myself. It’s certainly worth following up and as I write this I realise that it actually needs to become a more conscious process. In the 18 months of my mountain change, I have made some wonderful new friends, but the ones I connect with more intimately are all women.
Mmmmmmmmm……..food for thought and for action, oh for more hours in the day to do all the things I want to do!