Monthly Archives: February 2013

Point The Trigger To My Heart.

I’d like to have a bit of a yarn about triggers, not the kind that help you to blow your brains out when attached to a gun, the ones that help you get your stuff moving. They tend to be the people you care about, or hate, the ones that annoy you on a regular basis, and of course when desire is involved stuff tends to come flying up from every which way!

The important thing to remember about triggers, is that most of the time the reaction you are experiencing is way out of proportion to what has actually occurred. In fact a lot of the time they have nothing to do with the feelings that are coursing through you, but the temptation to point the finger of blame and to project is very powerful. Not only are you dumping on an innocent, you are missing out on the opportunity to take responsiblity for your own feelings and let go of old patterns that are no longer serving you.

I’m the first to admit that I tend to go a bit unconscious when something nasty is moving through, but it doesn’t take me too long these days to realise what’s going on. If the situation seems to show my unwitting trigger in a bad light, I immediately cease any and all speculation about what was actually going on. After all, if it’s my own stuff coming up, then it’s inside my inner world that I will find any answers. And once I understand what my feelings are connected to, the situation that set it all off generally makes a great deal of sense, and I offer a prayer of gratitude and blessings to the one who has helped me into this space of greater clarity.

Now I’m not excusing bad behaviour here, if someone is rude or unkind or unfair, you have every right to respond in an appropriate fashion. There are people who have to be separated from the rest of the community because they are dangerous. But as Kabir said, “Do what you do with another human being, but never put them out of your heart.” When you harden your heart against another,  you hurt yourself as much as the other person, choose to be in your loving heart and you have instant protection. And the response you make is much more likely to be non-judgemental and appropriate to the situation.

Wherever I ramble it is always my heart that I come back to, in that still space full of love and acceptance, I feel welcomed and held. In these uncertain times when our inner beings are being flung around in the storms within, the heart is our safe refuge, the port that I call home.

lovegun

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Pain.

In my last post I referred to stuff moving, well it’s practically tumbling out of me and I am feeling such intense pain, and for once I don’t know what to do with it. I won’t bore you with the details but I found myself in a space where I couldn’t stop crying, and I knew in that moment that I needed to seek help. It’s wonderful to be self-reliant and to have lots of amazing tools at your disposal, but  it’s also a sign of great wisdom to know when you need some outside support. Sometimes what’s going on in your inner journey is just too much for you to handle without someone to hold space for you, as you drop into wherever it is you need to go.

I am very accustomed to being able to deal with whatever is moving inside me, to be in a space where I really don’t know what to do is scary, I guess it’s how it is for many of the people I talk to on the crisis phone lines. I’m going to reach out for that help but I don’t know if it will be available at such short notice, this is really living in the moment and perhaps that’s why people get addicted to the things that cause them pain, it brings them into the present moment, pain really gives you focus.

The positive side of all this is that I have been in painful places before, and I know that I can not only make it through the dark tunnel, but thrive on the energies that are released as I let go of yet more of that which no longer serves me. And the reward is more ecstasy and joy, more free-flowing expression of creative energy, more happiness and connection with my community of beautiful souls.

One day your heart

will take you to your lover.

One day your soul

will carry you to the Beloved.

Don’t get lost in your pain,

know that one day

your pain will become your cure.

Rumi (From Rumi: Hidden Music, Thorsons 2001, p136)

rumi

From Bliss To Butterflies.

Last week was huge for me, I had three shifts which I would classify as small, large and earth shattering! There was grief in the letting go, fear of loss, and a deep sense of being utterly unworthy to allow myself to fully experience pleasure without condition. The end result was that I was in a state of utter bliss even though I had only had 8 hours sleep in two days. Once again my life force energy is flowing ever more freely and I embrace the joy of being with all my heart.

So I was thinking a week of integration would probably be a good idea, I slept in yesterday, got up and did my oil pulling, an hour of yoga, and then had my green smoothie.  Just when I think I know what the plan is it all changes, all of a sudden a house sit that didn’t happen is on again at short notice for an indeterminate time. It’s good news really, but then I find myself sitting and writing and the sense of stuff moving in my belly is back, it’s like what some people call butterflies but there isn’t anything to be nervous about.

I love my life, but I do have moments when I wonder about this constant processing, why can’t I have longer periods of clarity before things start getting triggered again! The answer is simple but I don’t have to like it, I just happen to have a lot of trauma, in layer upon layer, and I have an obsessive need to keep clearing it away. Can I really heal everything in this lifetime? There are some who would say that’s a crazy ambition, but even though I might have some complaints about the details at times, I keep moving into deeper states of ecstasy, and I am happy most of the time even when I have uncomfortable stuff moving through.

So I guess I will just have to integrate and process simultaneously, after all I do describe myself as a shamanic practitioner and shamans are the ultimate interdimensional multi-taskers!

Shamans transmit to their people in sign, song, and dance the nature of the cosmic geography that has been revealed to them in the process of initiation trances and soul journeys. Map-makers and myth-dancers, shamans live internally in a multi-dimensional realm continuous with so-called ordinary reality.

Joan Halifax (Shaman: The Wounded Healer, New York, Crossroad, 1982. P 66.)

shaman

Embodied Bliss!

I don’t go to the movies that much, but today I saw a film that was soooooo inspiring! If you don’t like opera then it might not be your cup of tea, but for me it lifted me into higher realms of fullness and joy. I am now enjoying a cup of peppermint tea and listening to a cd from mum’s opera collection and the emotion that is in those amazing voices is taking me to that place all over again.

Music has the potential to shift our frequencies into all kinds of different places, and if you know how to listen with your whole body it can really have a profound and positive effect on how you are feeling. In a retreat based on the work of Jean Houston and Robert Masters, I did a trance journey where we dropped into a very deep state of consciousness and then listened to different types of music,  we were then encouraged to listen with every part of our being. Focusing on listening with your skin is especially delicious, there is so much of it to receive the vibrations!

The same idea can be taken into the world of dance, something that I think I have touched on before. Bringing a fuller body awareness into the movement can take you into deep places as you move from your bones, your organs, or indeed your skin. If this intrigues you then check out the work of Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen who developed mind-body centering, an embodied approach to movement.

I love the word embodied, for me it conjures up an exquisite sense of connection with every part of your being, body, mind and spirit. And when you come into that kind of full embodiment it sharpens your senses, so that you perceive the world around you in a much more vivid fashion, you see the beauty and the soul of a tree, feel its energy and feel how that connects with your energy field.

On this occasion it was a film that did the trick, if you are interested it is called “Quartet”, the directorial debut of Dustin Hoffman, amazing performances from a stellar cast, Tom Courtenay deserves an Oscar! There are so many ways to find bliss in a body, mmmmmmmm………. what a yummy journey this is on a beautiful planet called Gaia.

Embodied blissings and love, may you follow your flow, and may you travel safely and well wherever you go.

Billy Connolly, Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay, Pauline Colllins in Quartet.

Billy Connolly, Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay, Pauline Colllins in Quartet.

Practicing Joy.

I’d like to talk a bit more about meditation in relation to integration, it’s all very well having huge shifts, but you need to then integrate them into your everyday life. In 1993 I made a conscious decision that it was time to bring my spiritual life into my everyday reality, after all what’s the point of doing practices if they don’t then enhance every aspect of your being.

At that time I was reading Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life” and I took it fully on board, I was meditating every morning and at night before I went to sleep, and working with affirmations which are a big part of her teachings. It was a beginning of my integration process, bringing the understandings and the knowledge from the realm of spirit into the rest of my existence.

And so it began, the deeper journey into the understanding of my spiritual life, and in time the knowing of what it is I came here to do. That came in snippets over the years, you kind of build layers over time and the more that you dive into that place the more you receive the knowledge that I believe is inside each and every one of us.

If you keep reading my posts I will gradually share much of this with you, as well as what is currently unfolding, but for now let me come back to where I began, with the notion of integration. Spiritual practices are a wonderful way to integrate big shifts, meditation, yoga, sound healing, the list goes on and my basic philosophy is, if it works then go for it! There isn’t a right or wrong way to do this stuff, some of my ways of integrating I couldn’t possibly describe to you because they are so intuitive and in the moment.

Enjoy the joy that comes with the shedding of your excess baggage, dance in the light and embrace every moment of pure happiness! I began this post talking about sitting meditation and that really is delicious , but tonight much of my joy has been expressed through dance. When I move my body through space responding to divine sounds I am in heaven, nirvana, whatever you want to call it, on a journey that can only contain happy endings.

Blissful blessings to all life dancing upon the sacred space of existence, the eternal place of the heart.

ecstaticdancer

Falling Out Of Time.

While you have all been enjoying (I hope!), my story of being buried in the earth, I’ve been getting back into my sitting meditation. This is a practice I go in and out of but I would like it to become a daily thing along with my stretches and oil pulling. Even five minutes can be incredibly beneficial and half an hour is like having every cell in your body slowly sinking into a delicious suspension that can sometimes feel almost like levitation. Now that would be cool, floating above the ground like some Indian Sadhu.

Indian Sadhu

There was a period when I did an hour a day for a week or two, towards the end of the first week I had a profound experience of shifting my consciousness completely. I lay down on the bed on this particular night and I fell out of ordinary time and space into the cosmos. It’s hard to find words for it but it was like I became huge and expanded, I was pure consciousness and had no awareness of my body at all. I could feel the stars and other physical bodies floating in space and it felt like they were a part of me, a religious person would probably think of it as being in the mind of God.

cosmos

In a way I agree with that notion, but I don’t call it God unless I’m adding in Goddess, All That Is, to me it is the state of unity consciousness where we actually perceive the truth. That we are connected to all things, just as our bodies are composed of billions of cells living in community, we are a part of the living matrix of Gaia and the cosmos! Bring a conscious awareness into this mix and we begin to move into the possibility of becoming so much more than a small ego walking around in a bag of flesh and bones.

When I think of the potential of humanity I get so inspired! So much of what is needed to make things right is already present and amazing new concepts only a thought away. Go into sacred space often in whatever way works for you, and you begin to feel the hope that comes from being in your heart, sitting meditation is only one of those doorways but I highly recommend it!

Connect Or Die!

Time did not exist in my black hole in the ground, and so I’ve no idea how long I spent feeling and then watching my fears go speeding out of my body into the waiting arms of the earth. My memories of the rest of that time are not so clear except for moments here and there, I tried hard to stay awake but alas I did fall asleep.

That sleep gave me another of the gifts that I received, in my dream I was hovering above the graves looking down on the men who were standing watch sitting around fires. One of them looked up and seemed to be looking straight at me and I shot up into the air and I flew, I rarely remember my dreams and I have never flown in one before or since. It’s also the only ocassion that I have had an experience of moving out of my body and watching what was going on around me while I was unconscious.

I have a confession to make at this point, I snore! Well I certainly did back then anyway, one of the women who came out of the ground for a time said that the sound of my snores rising out of the earth, was immensely comforting. She was the bravest of us all in my opinion, for she went back in after being overcome by her fears. She figured that if I was so relaxed I could go to sleep in there, that maybe there wasn’t really so much to worry about after all.

As the faint tinges of light began to appear I knew my time in the earth was coming to an end, and all I wanted to do was to stay in this wonderfully comfortable, safe space that I had found, once the terror was gone. My bladder behaved beautifully and I had found such peace cradled in the bossom of the Mother.

When the wooden cover came off I felt as though I was seeing light for the first time in my life, the trees and other plants, the sky, the sounds, all standing out in sharp relief. For a time I wandered in the bush, exploring my new senses and feeling the wonder of being alive and being connected to every single living creature on Gaia’s earth.

talltreesinsuntreesdancing

We are all a part of Gaia, whether we can feel it or not, if you are on the planet in a physical body then she is supporting you no matter what you do. We need to even up the exchange and begin to offer back the same support to her, not that she couldn’t get by without us, but she loves us, and sincerely hopes that we will not make ourselves extinct.

Thank you Mother, we are doing our best to grow up, with any luck it isn’t too late!