Do you remember that expression, stop the world I want to get off? That was my day not long ago, things cancelled at the last minute, friends forgetting appointments, usually I can move with the flow whatever it does, but on this particular day I got all out of kilter.
Oh yes, if you are following my posts you can probably guess, more stuff coming up, it never rains but it pours, and this time I’m not referring to the weather! This time it was simply energy moving and feelings moving with the energy, it felt like loss, abandonment, hopelessness, all the feelings you would prefer to do without. I watched Buffy, ate a small packet of organic potato chips with sea salt and one very small regular caramel chocolate, and had a bit of red wine.
When I think about the days of litres of wine, mountains of chocolate, iced donuts and pastries full of custard, I can really see how much progress I’ve made. That little bit of naughtiness helped me through a rough patch without stressing my body too badly, and it certainly didn’t suppress the release that eventually came.
I do try to be good about what I put in my body when it comes to food, but sometimes you have to allow a little flexibility. A little bit of what you like does you no harm if most of the time you’re supporting your physical self in the way that works best for you. And guilt is not a useful path to follow, it was guilt over my father’s suicide that destroyed my self-esteem when I was in my late teens. Thirty years later I have at last rebuilt that aspect of self, I don’t do guilt anymore, instead I do my best to be compassionate to myself.
It always seems to come back to love, the big love, the one that holds everything together and connects all living things. By the end of that day I had found peace in myself, my heart felt soft, and I knew that I had let go once again of parts of me that were no longer serving my higher purpose.
The last couple of months have been huge for me, the biggest shifts I have experienced in quite a while, I don’t think it’s an accident that this is coinciding with the end of 2012 and the start of 2013. There are big changes happening everywhere, not always in places we can see with the human eye, but creating a wave of change that everyone can’t help but be affected by, whether they can sense it or not.
Bring it on I say, the current reality isn’t working and the change is well overdue!