Confidence breeds confidence, a bright energy that feeds on itself and then blossoms outwards, showering radiance on everything around it. The world becomes a lighter place and people respond to that light, you can see it in their eyes, upon their countenance. This is not something that can be achieved without a direct connection to divine source, it comes not from depending upon another, it cometh from a place that is deep within the soul, the consciousness.
“The lover who leans upon the beloved’s response, his love is like the flame that needs oil to live; but the lover who stands on his own feet, is like the lantern of the sun that burns without oil.”
Hazrat Inayat Khan.
So how does one get there? There are as many ways as there are people, the first step is to acknowledge how things truly are in the moment that you are currently inhabiting, and there may be times when that alone is extremely challenging. I believe that most relationships have an element of co-dependancy, I know that mine have been in the past and I’m determined not to be in that place again, a very good reason to be single for almost a decade!
That’s the path that I chose, to be on my own and to focus (obsessively I freely admit), on healing every bit of trauma I could lay my metaphorical hands on. You need to find ways of clearing the cellular memory of the body, use your intellect to understand by all means, but if it is in the cells of your body it will still be running you, and fundamental change will be difficult if not impossible to achieve. Bodywork and breathwork have been the mainstays for me, but there are so many great therapies out there, find the one that works for you.
All the clearing I’ve been doing in the last few months has been very much focused on old patterns in relationship, and I now feel that I’m clear enough to be in a relationship that is not co-dependant. Which is not to say that old stuff won’t come up, I’m sure that it will, as long as I can observe it and then wish it a fond farewell, all will be good.
And so for now I continue to be in gratitude for the ocean of love in which I swim, touching noses with the other fish, as we glide through a community where I have the opportunity to swim with the school, or explore on my ownsome. Who knows when the touch of hello may become a caress or a kiss, bubbles of joy emanating from the deep connection of my beloved and me, bubbling up to the surface and spreading the love even further, into a world that needs all the joy it can find!
Love is all you need!
Congratulations on finding things that work well for you. It sounds as though you are on a wonderful self-healing path.