You know I think this might be the longest period I have ever experienced with so little stuff coming up to be cleared, I feel an enormous sense of gratitude that all the turmoil of the first six months of this year has paid such a wonderful dividend. Yet when I focus on the emptiness and the clarity I find there is also a faint sense of fear or uncertainty, I’m pretty sure this is the ego, after the wholesale clearing that I’ve been through it is wondering how to define itself. I am even daring to think that some issues might actually be completely cleared, when you’ve been shovelling manure out-of-the-way for as long as I have surely there has to be an end to it at some point!
When I gaze down at my red-painted toe nails I feel a particularly great sense of achievement, there was a time when they were red with blood after I had compulsively ripped them to pieces. Not a pretty image is it, it was something I had no control over for many years but gradually over time it became less and less. Then as we were coming to the end of summer in february this year I realised that I had gone a whole summer without touching my toes at all. I decided to celebrate by having my first ever pedicure, I had the whole shebang, foot soak, scrub and massage and at the end I had these beautiful purple toes.
It might seem a bit trivial but for me it was a huge shift, I don’t know exactly what was associated with that particular habit but it is definitely gone. When I think of what that impulse used to feel like I can feel the tension and desperation that was in there, now there is peace, security and love. All right I will be honest, as I write this I can feel a bit of a stirring in my belly, perhaps focusing on this bit of my past is bringing up any residue that may remain. So perhaps I will play it safe and say, “I’ve cleared that layer of stuff!”
So be it, so be it, so be it………….shanti, shanti, shanti………peace, peace, peace…..
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