Woe Is Me.

Letting go is a theme that crops up in my healing process over and over again, let’s face it, it is a constant in life whether you are particularly focused on your evolution or not. You can go into denial and hold on for dear life but sooner or later there are going to be things going on that you cannot control and so you really do have to surrender, even if you are dragged kicking and screaming all the way!

Kerry Laizans Photo by Antara May.

Kerry Laizans
Photo by Antara May.

I am thinking of my experience last week when I came home from a night out feeling light and happy, finished the night off with some dancing to good music which is always a good recipe for me. I decided that I would write my post for the next day while I was in such a good mood, not such a great move after all but I wasn’t to know. My laptop was not behaving itself and what should have been a quick whip through my emails took forever, it was quite late by the time I finally started to write my post.

And then the magic happened, poetic prose came spilling out of me and I had one of those wonderful journeys where I had no idea where I was going until I got there, and felt awed at the result, possibly one of the best things I have ever written. You’re probably wondering which post this was, well you only got to see half of this seminal piece, the computer was still misbehaving but I ignored my intuition which told me to abandon ship and go back to good old pen and paper.  You know where this is leading don’t you, yes I ended up losing half the post and no matter how I tried, I could not find those words again, they were completely in the moment and my left brain had nothing to do with it so it really couldn’t help me out.

memory_loss

It was soooooo hard to let go of it, I ended up staying up far too late in a fruitless attempt to somehow change what had happened or to find that magic flow again. And as I lay in bed I had to use every breathing and relaxation trick in the book to get myself to relax, in the end it was breathing in and out through my heart that began to allow me to let go of my tight clutching of what I felt I had lost. And to satisfy your brimming curiosity, it was “Beauty Walks Before Me”: Oct 5 2013, when I completed the post the next day I couldn’t get a good sense of whether it was good or not, it could never match what I had lost!

Anyway, there seem to be a few who liked it and in the end I didn’t have much choice but to let go, it was gone and life goes on……….surrender to what is………..and listen to your intuition.

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