I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m creating in the world right now, and feeling the shape of it inside me. That’s how my process seems to unfold, the ingredients sort of mull around in the back of my brain as I immerse myself into the quantum soup of raw potential. And then from that place come impulses and ideas, some of which require action out in the physical world.
The most challenging aspect is the patience and trust that’s required when things don’t always unfold in the time frame that I am hoping for. That’s when I do my best to come fully into the moment that I am actually inhabiting, you know, that thing known as the present, the gift that comes out of the practice of mindfulness.
As I sit here my belly is feeling very uneasy but it has nothing to do with where I am or what I’m doing with myself. A dear friend of the family who has been on a journey with cancer is now talking openly about dying, seems like a fairly good chance that this has stirred up my inner world. I feel sad and I am also feeling my own mortality and it brings to my awareness the parts of me that are frightened by the prospect of death.
With that sense of vulnerability came a sharp and insistent yearning for my Beloved who has been off doing study the last few days. We’re talking very primal impulses here, the response to “I might die”, is to celebrate the life force and being alive, is to come into that deep connection with another that says “I am alive and life is good!”
So I think I’m doing exceptionally well to be here sitting at market on a quiet day writing a post, when all I really want is for the day to be over so I can be with my Beloved. Breathe and be here now, breathe and be here now, breathe and be here now……………….