Monthly Archives: September 2014

Connect Or Die: Feeling Gaia’s Love.

shaman spiralTime did not exist in my black hole in the ground, and so I’ve no idea how long I spent feeling and then watching my fears go speeding out of my body into the waiting arms of the earth. My memories of the rest of that time are not so clear except for moments here and there, I tried hard to stay awake but alas I did fall asleep.

That sleep gave me another of the gifts that I received, in my dream I was hovering above the graves looking down on the men who were standing watch sitting around fires. One of them looked up and seemed to be looking straight at me and I shot up into the air and I flew, I rarely remember my dreams and I have never flown in one before or since. It’s also the only ocassion that I have had an experience of moving out of my body and watching what was going on around me while I was unconscious.

out of body image

I have a confession to make at this point, I snore! Well I certainly did back then anyway, one of the women who came out of the ground for a time said that the sound of my snores rising out of the earth, was immensely comforting. She was the bravest of us all in my opinion, for she went back in after being overcome by her fears. She figured that if I was so relaxed I could go to sleep in there, that maybe there wasn’t really so much to worry about after all.

talltreesinsun

As the faint tinges of light began to appear I knew my time in the earth was coming to an end, and all I wanted to do was to stay in this wonderfully comfortable, safe space that I had found, once the terror was gone. My bladder behaved beautifully and I had found such peace cradled in the bossom of the Mother.When the wooden cover came off I felt as though I was seeing light for the first time in my life, the trees and other plants, the sky, the sounds, all standing out in sharp relief. For a time I wandered in the bush, exploring my new senses and feeling the wonder of being alive and being connected to every single living creature on Gaia’s earth.

treesdancing

Mother Earth MutuhuWe are all a part of Gaia, whether we can feel it or not, if you are on the planet in a physical body then she is supporting you no matter what you do. We need to even up the exchange and begin to offer back the same support to her, not that she couldn’t get by without us, but she loves us, and sincerely hopes that we will not make ourselves extinct.

Thank you Mother, we are doing our best to grow up, with any luck it isn’t too late!

Part Two: Feeling The Fear.

darkness Lau TzeI’m standing at the graveside and my watcher helps me to climb down into my waiting tomb, I lie myself down and he places the wooden cover over the top completely sealing me in. The last light of the dusk disappears immediately and I am enveloped by a darkness deeper than any that I have ever known. Above me I can hear the sounds of the earth being shovelled on top of the wood so that I am surrounded entirely by the earth, there is air coming in and I can see the faintest tinge of light from that, but before too long night has come in its fullness and I am left in this small space.

face in the dark

There is just enough room to turn myself around as I try to find a comfortable way of lying down, worrying about the best way to do this is a welcome distraction from the incipient terror that is lurking in the depths of my being. I’m talking to myself about how important it is to keep my spine straight so that the energy can flow and I can go into a deep meditative space, when I begin to notice a deep chuckle just beyond the scope of my physical ears. It’s Mother Earth laughing at my silliness, and I can hear her saying, “It doesn’t matter how you lie, I will always be here to support you, do whatever you want my child.”

mother earth

So I let go of all that mind stuff and I lay back and allowed myself to feel the fear that was running through my body, it was incredibly intense and it would have been so easy to let it take over and ask to be let out. But I was determined to last the distance, and I remembered one of the men saying that he handled the fear by doing deep yogic breathing, in through the belly, the middle of the chest and right up into the top, then back down again. As I did this I began to notice myself separating from the fear, it was still moving through my body at a rate of knots, but I was no longer attached to it.

fearwoman

For the first time in my life I truly understood the meaning of non-attachment, as I became the observer the thing that I was watching began to shift and eventually the fear was gone, and in its place a deep sense of peace. That was an important lesson that has been an invaluable ally to me in the years since and I think it is no accident that I am writing about it now. I’ve noticed in these intense shifts that I have been experiencing that I sometimes tend to go a bit unconscious while things are moving through me, time to sharpen my focus and be the observer.

feardarknessandlight

For the conclusion to this story tune into my next post!

Into The Ground Again: A Story Of Grounding.

moontime sacred womanSo here once again is my tale of being buried in the ground for 12 hours. There are never any accidents really you know, there will be a message for me in this reflection of a very powerful shamanic experience which I will never forget. So here for your enjoyment ladies and gentlemen is part one of a four-part story, my time beneath the ground!

Time for a bit of grounding after the latest round of shifts, and what better way to do that than to reflect on my experience of being buried in the earth. I think it was 2004 and I was at the annual gathering of shamanic apprentices, known as Convocation, at a centre where I did a lot of my shamanic studies over a few years.

shamanwhite

We began with the men and women in separate spaces for the first couple of days doing our own business, and then on the third day we came together in ceremony and gathered in the tipi. Our teacher spoke and we listened, eventually he began to talk about a process we were being offered, something the men had already experienced. They had dug shallow graves and been buried in them for 12 hours and now we had an opportunity to do the same thing.

It was a bit scary but how could I refuse! We began to prepare ourselves which included becoming part of a tribal structure of four tribes, we were painted with the symbols of our tribe and got to choose the man who would put us into the ground, stand watch, and then bring us out in the morning. We sat and listened as the men told us of what it was like for them being in the earth and the different ways that they coped with the feelings and sensations that came up for them.

letting-go

You can imagine that being buried would tend to bring up a lot of your stuff! I had a rather practical concern that had nothing to do with my fears and everything to do with my bladder, actually they say if you have to pee a lot that it’s all about being pissed off, and therefore it’s often associated with anger. Anyway, I wanted to last the distance and stay buried for the whole 12 hours so as soon as I realised what we were going to be doing I stopped drinking any liquids.

And so at 7pm as the sun was westering we came to our graves, lined with sheets and doonas, comfortable, yet forbidding. I was in a strange space of unreality, like being caught between the worlds, betwixt the veils that keep our so-called reality in the shape that we are able to recognise. I was about to take a step into the unknown, I knew not what I would find there, but my trepidation was infused with excitement at the prospect of diving into the depths of the mother, into the dark womb of the void.

The Earth's Embrace.

Tune into my next post to find out what happened next, you have 24 hours of antici…………….pation to move through! Of course I realise that you all have a life and many other fascinating things to occupy your time with, but allow me just this once, to be a bit of a drama queen. After all this is a pretty dramatic story.

PS: I was posting every day back then in February 2013, so I am afraid you will have to wait until next Wednesday!

Mythic Tales And The Moon: Letting Go.

heart-brainI’m supposed to be preparing you for a four-part re-blog of an epic tale about being buried alive for 12 hours as a shamanic ritual. But you might just have to wait for one post because I have a lot of energies swirling through my being at this moment and I think that putting it into words may be therapeutic  for me. And maybe even for you!

catmoonI’ve been noticing this little bit of anxiety in my belly the last couple of days and I do have a big event coming up in the next few days so you may think that is what it’s all about. But the thing is this feels quite familiar and I associate it with my moon time coming up, but not all the time. When there is a lot of ‘stuff’ coming up for me it can really impact me in the days before I begin to bleed. The menstrual flow is a grand opportunity for all that ‘stuff’ to move and to be released from the body. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, you might think of it as a cosmic clean out.

So it makes me a bit sad to hear young women regarding their moon bleed as a nuisance, it is a time when women can become more intuitive, receptive and powerful. It requires a shift from the perception of power to be all in the physical tangible world that is prescribed by the current paradigm. Instead value is given to understanding the realms of the unconscious, the deep mysteries that we are all a part of whether we are conscious of it or not.

Moon Goddess.

Moon Goddess.

Anyway I am trying to harness this power right here and now in my preparation time for going away to the Joining Gathering. It is a good reminder to embrace whatever feelings are moving in me, the good, the bad, and the ugly! As I write this I begin to feel a shift in the anxiety, it feels more like excitement. I know what I have to do, I need to write my story now as a mythic tale so that all the conditions become my path to wisdom and love. Or at least start thinking like that, no time for me to tell you that story so can we make a deal? You go off and give it a go for yourself, tell your life story as if it were a mythic tale. And feel free to share any experiences you may have.

soul artIf you feel like it that is, anyway, in the meantime, FOLLOW YOUR BLISS!

A Balancing Act, Relax And Take Responsibility.

My Beloved weighs fifteen kilos less than I do, a skinny little runt who must have hollow legs because he certainly doesn’t eat any less! To my fond eyes he is the perfect size but there is a part of me that can’t help feeling a bit envious at his ability to eat everything in sight without seeming consequence. Of course the trick is always to find the best diet for your particular body type and if there are two of you then a certain amount of compromise is probably required.

Men are from mars

It’s the age-old question for those of us women who don’t quite fit the ideal laid out in the current cultural archetypes, is it about health or how you think you should look? Health has been the paramount question for me but lately indulgence has been a bit of a byword and that can definitely go too far at times. The thing is when you improve your diet you do become more sensitive, no matter how often I notice this in my response to food I still seem to need reminders.

be-happy

At the end of the day I want to be happy more than anything else, pretty much the way I am right now except that I’ve noticed it keeps getting better. That’s all pleasure by the way, our capacity for opening to this kind of energy I do believe is infinite. Follow your bliss sounds shallow but it can actually be fairly deep, and if you truly relax and surrender you can go beyond whatever ‘stuff’ you may have picked up along the way. RELAX and enjoy the journey, the one thing you can be sure of is change so try and get comfortable in the flow of life. RESPONSIBILITY is being able to respond to the shifts and changes that inevitably are a part of following our flow, it can be FUN too!

Big Rainbow

So I think I will be fairly relaxed with my food, just watch the sugar thing and try to have a few green smoothies every week. Relaxation is a bit underrated as a quality but I think it is the key to so many of the ways in which to move into new ways of being in the world. So I will continue to spend lots of time with my Beloved, that’s always relaxing whatever we’re doing! And we are going to the joining gathering very soon to present our first workshop together, very exciting!

Remember to have fun!smiley face daisy

Self-Care And Ritual In The Sea Of Love.

body wisdomI’ve just experienced a very intense wave of sickness moving through me very quickly, what seemed a clearing cold began to plummet until I felt simply awful. And it appears to be moving on and out just as quickly now as I write these words, feeling like a fresh wind has expelled a whole lot of toxicity from my system. It feels like my body knows what it is doing and if I can mostly stay out of my own way then I can let that tuning run the essentials.

My focus is on the energetic relationship that I am forming with my Beloved every day that we are together, it is my main spiritual practice. This is the practice you can always find time for, for us love-making is extremely important so inspiration can always be found. And we talk, we talk a lot because we spend an enormous amount of time together, we are always letting each other know how we feel. Actually you get so tuned in to the other person you just know anyway, and you don’t have to be a practicing psychic to be able to do that either.

spirit lovers chakras

I find ritual very helpful, lighting a candle and stating intentions and chanting can be a powerful way of staying attuned to the flow of energies, in relationship and in the larger community. Following a spiritual path has been the most important motivation for me on the journey I have had in this life. Finding a life partner who has the same strong urge to be a seeker has been the most ecstatic experience of my life so far. Together we keep pushing the envelope on that one and I hope we always will!

altarimage

At this precise moment my immune system is coming back after a decent workout, slow gradual build over a few days and then whammy. Knock you flat for 24 hours and then feeling the energy coming back into your system just as quickly. Being careful though not to push myself so I can heal sufficiently to do some work tomorrow afternoon and overnight. So in the light of that I shall say goodnight and fare well all you fine ladies and gentlemen!

We Are Spirit In Matter……Living In Love.

ayahuasca image 3A wonderful finish to a challenging week! I’m exhausted and coming down with the sniffles but feel very happy with the outcome of our workshop run through. My Beloved and I will do a much better job at The Joining Gathering in a couple of weeks having actually run it with a small group who gave us some excellent feedback. And maybe I won’t be quite so anxious on the day, hard to say as I have found in my experience so far that a certain amount of tension leading up to performing seems inevitable. I do think it tends to inspire mindfulness as well, so as long as you can still function it may be playing an important role in taking you into a heightened state of awareness.

ocean of love

It is certainly vital to step out of your comfort zone sometimes and do things that you feel passionate about, without some of that in a life growth will tend to be slow. And for some that may be just fine but for me spiritual growth is paramount and infuses my daily life, pretty much everything that I do. So while a slow pace may be appropriate at times it isn’t really necessary to have time off as such. Whether you are on an idyllic holiday or working hard with jobs and families, spirit is always there. I always find it amusing when people say “I’m not spiritual”, the truth is you don’t have a choice! We are spirit in matter by our very nature, beautiful bodies infused with the spirit of life, the spark of energy that connects us all.

univeral love twohands

Being in that space where all things are one and you can see and feel the connection with all of creation. A wonderful way of letting go of who you might think you are and coming into contact with the eternal aspect that never dies. Being in your heart and connected to your body, living in love, the essential nature of all things being just that, love………….

Love is all you need.