I’ve always been a performer, from ballet classes at the age of six to a degree in performing arts in my early twenties. My brother and I used to recite Banjo Patterson’s “The Man From Ironbark” which we knew off by heart, and David would sing “Me And Bobby McGee” in his sweet, not yet broken voice. If there was an opportunity to step into the spotlight I was always ready to jump in, so you might be excused for feeling a tad confused when I say that I have had huge issues with ‘being seen’.
The thing is when you’re playing a character on stage you’re not actually being yourself. You may well draw upon aspects of who you are but it isn’t really you at all. And somehow that is so much easier than standing up in front of a whole bunch of people and speaking to them as Kerry Laizans. But that’s the more obvious stuff, the desire to stay hidden operates at much more subtle levels of our being. There was a period in my life about thirteen years ago when I was meeting lots of new people as I established a new life in a new city. It didn’t happen with everyone, but there were certain people who I kept meeting over and over again and each time they would behave as though they were meeting me for the first time.
Not everyone responded in the same way but it was clear that I was sending out the message, “Don’t see me”, and some people received it and were most obliging! It would happen to the point of ridiculousness , someone who had met me so many times that still not knowing me was kind of crazy. So being at The Joining Gathering as a presenter a couple of weeks ago represented a bit of a milestone as I step more and more into my power. And how did I get there? It’s been a long and hard road and much of the healing has been about clearing out the negative material that was obscuring my view of my larger self.
You really do have the answers within, it isn’t just some cliche, the jewel that you are simply has mud covering many of the facets that represent all that you could be. So time to start cleaning and polishing so you can discover that bigger perspective that your higher self can offer. Life will continue to be challenging at times but I guarantee you will have a whole lot more fun along the way.