I said to my Beloved that I felt we would experience a big shift after our commitment ceremony and that things would begin to flow more easily. Since that special weekend the energy has certainly been flowing, as I write this now it feels a bit like a dam bursting and I can feel a part of me that wants to go into stress mode. The money flow has picked up and I am busy, busy, but it is all in the moment so the climate of shifting sands that many of us seem to be swimming in is still operating as far as I can tell. So in order to be peaceful and not get all stressy I need to keep surrendering to the flow and trust that prosperity will continue to flow wherever it comes from.
Put yourself out there and follow the wisdom of your heart and spirit will give you whatever you need to make those dreams a reality. I don’t know if it ever becomes easier but I do know that the more that I trust and get good results the more I believe that I am taken care of by something much larger than my small ego self. As Terence McKenna says:
Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it’s a feather bed.”
I can feel that soft landing, touch, smell and see the magnificent future that I am creating with my Beloved, let the Magic begin!
A couple of posts ago I wrote about the commitment ceremony that my Beloved and I had been planning for an entire year. So we have now passed through that important milestone and I can now report to you that I do feel very different. It was the culmination of the many processes that have accelerated our growth and expansion as we have explored relationship as a spiritual practice. I have been feeling more confident in myself as well as ridiculously happy!
The old Kerry was always worried about being a ‘good’ girl and getting things right, with the underlying feeling that this was doomed to fail no matter how hard I tried. Now I find myself easily stepping into my larger self who is more concerned with creating a life that is in alignment with my values rather than satisfying someone elses idea of what is right or wrong. For example if I see a discrepancy in say a work situation I will simply ask the appropriate question seeking clarification. Well how hard can that be I hear you ask! There was a time when I would agonise over such an issue and possibly even not end up asking the question.
To simply be who I am without apology is the most liberating feeling and it gives me a sense of personal empowerment. This is something I can then bring to my sacred union, and to have someone I love deeply celebrating my achievements with me takes the whole thing up to an even higher level. So we feed off each other and expand even more and that energy bubble of love becomes bigger and bigger. That energy field that we create together is an important aspect of how we contribute to our community, we are quite literally spreading the love.
So be inspired if you like by our love story and find your own unique way of creating love and kindness in the world. If each of us could find that place in ourselves the world would be in much better shape.
It’s been an interesting journey since I last posted, and yes quite a bit of it felt like that old Chinese curse/blessing, “May you live in interesting times.” My Beloved and I are inhabiting the in-between realm of transition from the life we have been living to something new that isn’t always completely clear. That of course is where trust comes in, one of the more challenging life lessons that spirit keeps tossing our way. The one on impermanence seems to be settling down somewhat even to the point that we are beginning to move away from our house sitting lifestyle. Not completely but we have a home base that feels very independent now so we will be very picky about where we go from now on.
One of the big lessons from our last house sit was about being clear about what our needs are and giving them a high value. We ended up sharing our space because we let the needs of others be more important than our own. Of course there are times when it is appropriate to put someone else first but you need to be conscious about what you are doing and why. My Beloved needs regular solitude in order to be a happy and healthy human being but he had to bring this basic need into his awareness and then learn how to ask for it. Sounds simple doesn’t it but it has been a very challenging process for him. How easy do you find it to actually ask for what you want in life?
It’s the old story, we might know what we want but the idea of asking for it brings up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. My early conditioning was so thorough I often had trouble even knowing what it was that I wanted, especially when it came to my sexuality. There is such freedom in expressing your truth no matter what! I’ve said it before and I will say it again, beyond the discomfort is a whole new realm of possibility and transformation. Don’t accept the limitations that Western culture uses to keep its populations under control. Be the magnificent being that is hiding in the depths beneath all those shallow materialistic concerns.
Be the best that you can be and love yourself exactly as you are!
My Beloved and I are shifting into a new phase of our sacred union and it comes at a time when we are preparing for our very private commitment ceremony. So why am I telling you about it? Because it is incredibly significant to me at this time and I try always to write authentically from my heart in this space. You don’t need to know the details but I can tell you about what it means to me. We’ve been talking about having a ceremony for a very long time but it is only as it comes closer that I am feeling the shift that it represents.
Deeper and deeper I go following the guidance of my softly open heart, always there is a deeper place to go to. In my experience there is no end to love, it keeps opening and saying yes, even when things get hard. And we have had a few challenges lately, sometimes it feels as though we are teenagers trying to work out who we are and in a way that’s actually the truth of the matter. At a time when people are ‘supposed’ to be all settled we are searching for who we truly are and living on the smell of an oily rag as we do so.
But even at moments when it feels like everything is going wrong we always have each other. Without blame or unconscious projections you make sure not to sabotage the greatest support that you have, the person who loves you unreservedly. So when you are experiencing uncomfortable feelings try not to look for someone to blame. Sit with the feelings and if you have the courage to stay with that process they will eventually move. As you drop deeper you will uncover inner treasures that may amaze and delight you, possibly even confront you a little. Particularly as you begin to discover just how incredible you are when you allow all that trivial crap to fall away.
This poem is very dear to us both and expresses the love that we share so very beautifully, I hope you enjoy these exquisite words from Sally Cutler:
In the garden…
I promise I will always dance with you in the garden.
I promise to always honour your beauty.
I promise to recognise your divinity.
I promise to look after you, even when it’s hard.
I promise to always be with you, in all your exquisite flaws.
I promise to know you are love,
I promise to forgive you when you forget.
I promise my soul to you in this body.
I promise to show you your true self over and over again,
in the rising of the sun and the turning of the earth.
I promise when you need me, I’ll be right there,
in the soil under your feet and the sweet rhythm of your heartbeat.
I promise to stand as you under the stars.
I promise you are always light.
I promise I will always dance with you in the garden.