I don’t remember ever being sick for two whole weeks in my entire life to this point! It is debilitating, frustrating and when you are depending on picking up casual work in order to make a decent kind of income it’s stressful too! Yet again my Guru, or Spirit, is giving me the opportunity to fully embrace the notion of trust. How wonderful!
The things I was lamenting as undone in my last grumpy post remain undone. And yet it is still possible at times to be sufficiently focused and bloody minded to achieve some things. Putting a playlist together for our next dance this Sunday did not require physical effort so I chose to focus on that yesterday. I felt horrible and completely uninspired but I just plugged away and in the end I created a playlist I can be proud of. It also removed some of the stress that has been lurking around all the things that my Beloved and I are behind on with this long sickness.
Sometimes it is a bit like that saying they have in Alcoholics Anonymous:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
If the word God disturbs you then feel free to substitute it for whatever word you like to use to describe a higher power in your life. It is a moving feast too, something that seems impossible for me to change today may suddenly become a completely different kettle of fish tomorrow. But if you are doing what you can in the moment there is a level of satisfaction even when you are still swimming in a sea of frustration.
Having said all that I must confess to feeling a bit grumpy about this flu dragging on and on. I am feeling better than I was but still not completely recovered, the fuel tanks are empty and I feel quite exhausted. So I will continue to do my best to surrender to this whole sorry mess and to trust that Spirit and I know what we are doing.