My Beloved and I are looking after a beautiful place for a few weeks and it has come at rather a critical time in our mutual unfolding. It seems easier here somehow to put in the time to meditate, to dance and to reflect upon the vision which is growing like wildflowers in the Spring time. And lo and behold it is indeed Spring so we are in sync with the seasons! We are growing our vision and writing some of it down in a very special book with handmade paper and a purple jewel on the cover, that was a gift for our commitment ceremony.
Our very special vision book!
My intention to begin training in preparation for the 10 day Vipassana retreat next year is providing a great platform for exploring what is going on within myself. I sat in meditation for two lots of 20 minutes, the first one was sitting unsupported and simply watching the breath and the body. And of course coming back from the distractions, watching where my thoughts were going. In the second one I wanted to look at obstacles to receiving abundance which brought my awareness to my uneasy belly. I could feel the fear moving out of the cells of my body and it left me with the sense of being more present and available.
So it is not so much about ‘doing’ although of course action does need to follow intention, it is to do with ‘being’ whatever it is you are passionate about. Put that out into the world as clearly as I can and then let people find me. It felt like a warm and cosy space where I am comfortable being myself and where all my needs are met with ease and grace. And it does help enormously that I have a partner who is on the same page and who is working with similar or the same issues. We bring our similarities and our differences to the table and from that we have an incredibly rich resource from which to create.
We also live in an amazing community and I felt into that in my meditation even before I began focusing on what was leaving my body. There were lovely people building and painting outside and hearing the sounds and feeling the gorgeous energy of where we are living got me all warm and fuzzy in my heart space. Having supportive and open people around you is so important when you are wanting to grow and evolve upon the spiritual path. I think it is going to be a very powerful time here in paradise, I will keep you posted so until next week…… namaste!
This strange feeling in my uneasy belly as cravings rush to quench the fear of I know not what. So I follow the urge and I’m very precise in my choices. Then I consume slowly being as mindful as I can be, accepting that my thoughts will wander at times. Being grateful for the fact that I do come back to the fullest perception that I can manage of the moment I am in . Consuming a lot less and feeling a certain level of satisfaction as well as a recognition that as a strategy this isn’t really good for long-term alignment. But I’m not beating myself up, simply observing what is going on in my inner realm. As deeply and openly and honestly as I am able to be.
And then I danced and wrote, and wrote and danced, I moved………….and energies moved in me. Surrendering to what is true in this moment and being with that sense, whatever it may be. We are spirits having the material experience of being in a body on Mother Earth.
Dance yourself open, move into the softness of surrender and taste freedom from care. Let it all go……..whatever you may be carrying that feels too heav for you to hold. Feel into where your body is speaking to you through stiffness and pain, give it your full awareness and allow your body to respond. If you let it, it will find a way to move that brings your sore bits back into some flow. It may be quite subtle but if you bring to it the power of awareness it is unmistakable.
Might have to dance a bit more, Vas is playing and my body wants to move to those lush melodies and the voice hasn’t even come in yet! Talk to you next week my dancing friends, namaste.
Even when you are doing your level best to be conscious about how you are responding to life’s ups and downs, there are sometimes days when you find that the rabbit hole seems to have become a black hole! I started off discombobulated yesterday and the swirling vortex of doom and despair just kept swirling down and down as the day wore on. We were supposed to move into a house sit but our friends are going to Bali and a volcano over there is playing havoc with plane schedules so it isn’t happening now until the end of the week. A relatively small thing really but something about it triggered me into an awkward space where it felt like everything was completely hopeless, especially me.
Oh I hear you say, but don’t you have all these wonderful tools that can shift you into a different frequency in mere moments? Well yes of course I bloody do but in that space of no hope the will to do anything positive and constructive is pretty difficult to locate. My resistance was so great I didn’t want to do anything but wallow and make pathetic sounds and get cuddles from my Beloved. At some point I surrendered to the fact that I wasn’t going to get much done and I read a book and watched episodes of Battlestar Galactica. When going to sleep I connected with my guides and helpers upstairs and asked them to help me move into a better space for the next day.
At some point in the night I woke myself up calling out in the midst of what I can only assume was a nightmare but I have no conscious memory of it. Maybe that helped to clear something because I woke up feeling a tad more positive about the possibilities of my day. I could feel myself still a bit on edge but after breakfast my Beloved and I went for a walk and then we came home and did some meditation. The resistance to being kind to me had dispersed and the simple act of walking and then sitting in stillness brought peace and calm to my body and mind. It also feels good to be following my intention to meditate more often, at least four times a week by the beginning of December.
So here I am at the computer getting things done and feeling much better about myself and my life. There has been no fundamental change to my circumstances since yesterday and yet I feel like a completely different person. So if you are having a bad day don’t spend too much time looking outside of yourself for a savior or some kind of change that will make everything better. Try being with the horrible feelings and letting it all be there as much as is practical. And don’t be afraid to ask for help from whatever you relate to as a higher power, you are worth it!
Here is a song about being awake that is on our next playlist, “Spirit in Earth: Celebration!” The song is “The Silent Awakening” by Tina Malia.
There is a feeling of great satisfaction to be found in finally getting on with tasks that you have been wanting to do for ages but can’t quite seem to find the time for. It is much easier to think and be creative in a space that has some order to it and having beautiful things to gaze upon has also become incredibly important to me over the years. Our physical environment is an important reflection of how we think about ourselves, even if someone else picked it all out that very fact says a lot about you.
At night my Beloved and I love to light candles all around the room and turn the lamps off, candlelight is not only more romantic than electric it is also softer. Of course you need good light to read by but how about scheduling in times where you have the softness of candles warming the space. Quiet time with no television or computers, time where you simply sit with your thoughts and feelings and allow yourself to be rather than do. I go on about this sort of thing a lot and yet even I notice resistance in myself when contemplating time spent in this fashion.
We live in a culture where it is all about doing, not surprising when you consider the ways in which society is dominated by the masculine. As we come into balance as a civilisation it is important to learn how to value ‘being’ as much as we do action. The best way that I can do this is by embodying this principle in my own life, not just when I am with my Beloved, but when I am on my own. So I will consider how best I can achieve this, regular sitting meditation is probably a good place to start. I am booked in for a 10 day Vipassana at the end of January next year so getting into training is probably a good idea!
I will keep you posted on my progress, even as I am writing this I can feel resistance so it is going to take some focus and a strong intention. Perhaps I will actually make a statement here, to be doing at least four sessions of meditation a week by the beginning of December.