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I am feeling rather a lot of anxiety tonight, it is interesting to watch the knot of tension without investing any emotional weight to that tangle. And challenging, the temptation to interpret such sensations as doom and gloom is quite seductive, after all anything that feels that heavy must mean bad things. So I am watching it and doing my best to let it be, the less fuel I add the sooner this feeling can pass away. Impermanence, everything is always arising and then passing away. As a matter of fact I saw a client today and spoke of the way in which we add anguish to difficulties we are experiencing. It is how we perceive our circumstances that determines how much pain we might feel, or whether we have a sense of hope. It’s easy to think that what’s happening to you is making you feel a certain way but there is always a choice.
And so I tell myself as I do my best to stay true to what is best for my Beloved and I, even as I watch the fear dancing away in my belly. I am home alone tonight and even that feels right and proper, much as I am delighted to spend most of my time with my darling. Being on my own means there is no easy distraction from the uneasy sensation and in the end I have to sit with it. It sounds simple doesn’t it but the doing of it may be harder than you might imagine, it takes a certain amount of focus and faith in the process. And it’s a process that I trust, one that my Beloved spoke about in an essay that he sent to me when we were courting by email. Oh he knew how to seduce a woman, well the kind of woman that I am which is the bit that counts, one who is dedicated to exploring inner realms.
Sometimes the alternative realms can seem cool and groovy and fun, full of bliss and joy! But don’t underestimate the power of being able to sit fairly still with really uncomfortable feeling churning away in your belly. You will enjoy the ecstatic blissful bits even more when you have cleared away whatever is available for removal or transformation. It may not sound sexy but it is a part of a transformative kind of lifestyle that does lead to deeper happiness and contentment. I am starting to feel the end of this particular wave, so now if I can just stop eating sugar by the handful there may be hope for me yet! From the woman who remembers to breathe and to love and who is planning to move into the next chapter with ease and no fuss!
Well I guess the aversion to technology is still very much with me, seeing as I didn’t manage a post last week at all! Plus there has been rather a lot going on in the inner realms, and yes for those who have been following me for any length of time you are rolling your eyes and saying, tell me something I don’t know. Well I do have something new to tell you and it is stirring things up although not quite as much as it might have before my Vipassana experience. Just as my Beloved and I have become settled and happy in our funky little flat we got the news a week ago now that we have to move out. Not because of any problems with our tenancy, our wonderful landlords need the space back and are very sorry to see us go.
The wonderful new kitchen I was so excited about!
So once again we need to create a miracle and find a place where we can have our privacy at an exceptionally cheap rate. Our little flat has also been serving as a space where we can see clients so that is also something that we need to organise and all of this at bargain basement prices. If I was feeling a little anxious I think that most people would consider me completely normal. Well there has of course been some anxiety kicking around but not as much as you might think, I am still in the space of not being reactive which was such an enormous gift from my silent retreat. We took a couple of days to process the news and then began to put the word out into the community for a new place to call home.
There are various practical things one can do out in the world when seeking to create a new beginning, but just as important is the work you can do inside yourself. Yesterday my Beloved and I did some toning together, this is where you intone the vowel sounds and create harmonics that you can feel go right through you. We were toning away when we began to go into a very deep pitch with the sounds, I became aware as we were doing this that our sounds were grounding our new home into place. This is how we can use more of our human potential, by exploring all the different ways to access the incredible treasures that every single person on the planet has inside of them. These kinds of creative processes are powerful in a very practical sense. Not only can they help to create the future you desire but in the short-term it can dissipate feelings of anxiety and fear.
So here’s to the new abode that will house the inspiring presence of “The Love Bubble Presents”! Letting go of fear and embracing trust I move into the flow of a meaningful and prosperous life, aho!
Hello Online Blog World, I have been avoiding you all week and your cousin FB for the last couple of days. Since having the break from technology at Vipassana I am very partial to having at least one day a week where I ignore the internet and phone, sometimes more! But I did make a commitment to pop in a post once a week and my over conscientious streak is still a part of me, keep it constructively channeled and it can be a great asset. That’s the thing about getting to know yourself and being kind and compassionate in that self-regard. Things that you think are making you neurotic can become helpful as you relax and actually manage to truly see your thoughts and the patterns therein. With inner clarity you can see the general patterns that don’t support your happiness, and you can also see which bits help you to remain in that happy state.
So I know which patterns I want to encourage, how hard can it be and yet people everywhere continue to make choices that re-enforce exactly that. The first thing that needs to happen is for awareness to be brought to our thoughts, our body, our whole selves as much as is possible. There are many ways of doing that, I love body-based techniques that involve meditation and movement. Of course my absolute favourite is my Relationship as a Spiritual Practice but I love variety too so it is good to shop around. Dance is particularly good fun and I am looking forward to a new class I will be experiencing in a couple of weeks which combines Feldenkrais and dance.
The informal practice of Vipassana remains excellent in terms of me bringing it to my everyday life but the formal practice has been somewhat intermittent. Not to worry, there have been many deep and fundamental shifts unfolding in the last couple of months and I can feel my forward progress quite strongly at the moment. This feels true for my Beloved also, he is making some important steps into his fullness as a man and this is such a delight for me! At the end of the day it is important to stay as centered as you can, to love well and find meaning and purpose in being alive on the planet. Accepting the choices you have made even as you flow in the direction of inspired change. Whatever you may have chosen consciously or unconsciously, there is always an option to change your mind if awareness has brought you new understanding.
Travel well my friends and be in the space of love as much as you possibly can, it is the greatest protector you could ever have. My love bubble is in it’s third year now and it has cushioned me in the tougher times, and enhanced my pleasure in sharing the great times. Love is such good medicine! Aho!