For those who read my last post the Heal Yourself Expo was a great success and created a lovely laid back energy even as if offered true seekers a variety of alternative viewpoints on health and well-being. I had a rewarding couple of days and look forward to an event that grows and evolves over time even as it carefully keeps itself small and intimate. Less razzle dazzle and more education and empowerment! http://www.healyourselfexpo.com/ My focus at the moment with my health is the transition that I am currently experiencing which will take me from mothering to crone. Yes I am finally feeling menopause in my body and it is an interesting and sometimes very uncomfortable journey.
My moon time flow has never been regular and in the fifteen or so years that I’ve been keeping track I have never been able to discern a pattern. But that it is beginning to cease is obvious now and I spend a lot of time with the impending feel of the changing of the blood without the relief of it’s arrival. It is hard to describe what this feels like, there are times when I get cramping pains but a lot of the time the sensations are much more subtle than that but pervasive nonetheless. There is a sensation in my belly that sweeps through and for some reason is full of doom and gloom. At this point I am filled with gratitude for the mindfulness practices that I have put energy and focus into as it is relatively easy to notice my mind trying to justify the anxiety in my uneasy belly. I am very firm as I separate the sensation from the dark feelings and tell myself that it is a feeling that has no base in my tangible reality.
Sometimes I get this rush of energy through my body that feels like it wants to burst out of my skin. It makes me feel a bit crazy and is often accompanied by intense lust which can be a bit disconcerting for my dear Beloved even as he welcomes my ongoing horniness! I am so blessed because my beautiful lover allows me to express these intense feelings by groping him rather crudely at times and making strange noises. Some of you are probably wondering why anyone would have a problem with this but the “Libido Monster” does feel a bit out of control and can be overwhelming for us both. I have heard that some women lose interest in sex while they are going through menopause so I guess we can be grateful that our wonderful sex life will continue unabated!
This exploration has been from the inside so far as I observe thoughts, feelings and sensations as they occur in my body. But I am lucky that one of my 50th birthday presents was a book called “New Menopausal Years: The Wise Women’s Way” by Susan S Weed. I haven’t found the time to read it yet but it apparently goes through all the different options for navigating menopause, from the bio-medical model to herbal and natural therapies. I will get to my reading in due course and in the meantime observe my body as it rides the wave into the next stage of being a woman. An exciting new adventure in the ongoing drama of being a human on Planet Earth!
I’ve been a bit stressy the last few weeks for lots of different reasons so it is with a sense of great relief that I can declare myself as extremely chilled! Some of this is due to actual events but a lot of it has to do with the big changes that my internal beliefs have gone through. When my Beloved hit some bureaucratic snags that affect our income I did not go into gloom and doom, my focus was rather on all the good stuff that is happening instead. And I made a conscious decision that I was prepared to let go of anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary to our survival including the trip for my brother’s wedding. I didn’t contract over money in fact I suggested we go out for dinner and guess what, the world didn’t end. Not only did the world not end but other changes have taken a whole lot of pressure away from the goals I’ve been striving for and it is all looking very achievable.
My gratitude practice was severely strained last week as I struggled to find something to be grateful for in the face of bureaucratic nit picking taken to extraordinary lengths. As I do my best to raise funds to get myself and my Beloved to Thailand for my brother’s wedding I can’t even manage to get myself a passport which has to be step number one for any overseas venture. Because my name was spelt Kerri on my birth certificate I have to go through an application to change my name to Kerry, the spelling I have used for the entire length of my 52 years on the planet. And to avoid waiting 67 business days for this absurdity to be processed it is costing me $211 to change something that has come about because of a clerical error. This is a world gone mad where restrictions that are supposed to keep us safe from the bogey man are interfering with ordinary folk trying to go about their everyday business.
Through the Vortex 