My gratitude practice was severely strained last week as I struggled to find something to be grateful for in the face of bureaucratic nit picking taken to extraordinary lengths. As I do my best to raise funds to get myself and my Beloved to Thailand for my brother’s wedding I can’t even manage to get myself a passport which has to be step number one for any overseas venture. Because my name was spelt Kerri on my birth certificate I have to go through an application to change my name to Kerry, the spelling I have used for the entire length of my 52 years on the planet. And to avoid waiting 67 business days for this absurdity to be processed it is costing me $211 to change something that has come about because of a clerical error. This is a world gone mad where restrictions that are supposed to keep us safe from the bogey man are interfering with ordinary folk trying to go about their everyday business.
Dwelling on that kind of insanity can start to send one quite mad so after having a healthy vent I did my best to find something to be grateful for. The thought of my Beloved sprang forth and began to bring hope back into my heart. Then I decided to ask the Faeries for some help and the card that they sent me was “Raise Your Standards”. One card with one simple message and the flow of tentative thankfulness became a flood of positivity and light. Not exactly great wisdom you might think but what that phrase did for me was shift my focus from lack to abundance. Instead of going into worry over things costing even more I could see that it was only a problem if I didn’t think I could meet the challenge. And bits of me are still a bit unsure and sending messages of doom into my belly even as I put these words into writing.
I’ve never read the book “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, but the phrase has enormous resonance in and of itself. There is a part of me that wants to give up in the face of over the top bureaucracy, it doesn’t believe I have the capacity to earn the money needed so why bother at all. Luckily I have a stubborn streak which won’t let me give up so I will just have to feel all that fear and keep going on the path to abundance. I managed to do 10 minutes of meditation during lunch today so anything is possible! The list goes on, doing yoga classes again, eating healthy and maintaining my recent weight loss, living with the love of my life….. Many of these things seemed quite impossible not so long ago and yet here I am. Life is good and I am grateful!