My Beloved and I decided to take a little bit of a honeymoon over a few days to take the opportunity to do some integration and celebration of our sacred union. It has been interesting noticing what has been going on in my inner world, especially when people ask the question, “How does it feel to be a married woman?” We do ritual a lot so while the wedding is still very big it may not carry quite the same weight as it does for many who enter into the process. But it is big enough and I felt stuff coming up on the first day of our retreat, some of it quite beautiful but there was also a lot of pain that came into my body as well. I had pain in my head and neck and shoulders and it created severe nausea in my belly that got really bad to the point where all I could do was sit with the pain and hold there. Not much fun I hear you say and you would be right but even as I sat in that place I was aware of what it was I was shedding so painfully.
It was my ‘cage’ that I was throwing up, all the things I’m supposed to be according to ‘polite society’. The shedding may not be pretty or enjoyable but the clarity that comes after letting go of what you’re ‘supposed’ to be can be very empowering and the choices just keep getting broader. For me getting married helps to anchor me into this place of freedom where my Beloved and I support each other to be the best that we can possibly be. This leads to personal happiness and important contributions to the community, there is no need for anyone to be lacking in anything in fact. We truly do live in a world where it is possible for everyone to have their needs met without anyone doing it hard or having to manage without important things. It all comes down to the way in which you view the world, see it as a malleable place that will respond to my needs and that is exactly what I will perceive and therefore receive.
Anyway my method of dealing with painful passages is to sit with the feelings and sensations until they eventually move on. It isn’t always easy but it is relatively simple to do and it works if you stick at it. When you get to the other side there is often a feeling of lightness that comes after all the shedding. The rest of our retreat was lovely and involved indulgence in food and drink, dance, yoga, and poetry, swimming and sauna and of course love making. I feel almost complete from our wedding now, a sense of growing up in the world and being ready to step into the next phase as a member of a unit that has now been acknowledged in the eyes of the world. So what next now I wonder? Stay tuned for my next post as Kerry and Brendan move into the next part of their amazing life!