Awareness and deep relaxation doesn’t always lead to bliss, at least not in the short term! I came home from a beautiful silent retreat yesterday feeling still and empty and was greeted by an excited Beloved who was very happy to see me. In his excitement I got triggered and I ended up releasing with tears and feeling quite miserable. And guess what, it was nobody’s fault! He didn’t say or do anything wrong but neither could I keep from expressing the feelings inside of me. I remembered the little card I had received during the retreat day which at the time I thought sounded like something it would be good to do but wasn’t sure what the precise message was. In this moment of tearful letting go I reflected on the message which was very clear at that moment, it was “be vulnerable”.
In a day of silence with restorative yoga, mindfulness meditation, and generally connecting with self and resting deeply I relaxed to a point that I haven’t experienced for what seems like a long time. With the tears I let go even more and shed a whole lot of stuff that I think I might have been holding on to for some time. This is a very good thing and something to celebrate but it doesn’t always feel good in the moment and it is taking a while for this to all move through. The point is that my Beloved and I didn’t end up having a big fight even though we both felt horrible, we supported each other as best we could and also gave each other space. And we didn’t stop saying “I love you” either, that’s something that is always true whatever the current emotional landscape.
Articulating your experience in any way that you can manage is a really great way to process uncomfortable feelings. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve done excellent processing and even managed a few insights as I share my inner world in this blog. Nobody is asking you to tell the whole world what you are feeling but putting it on paper or telling the dog can be a good way to release and process. Or you may find your own way of doing this, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else or involve coercion the choice is yours. And as the dust settles and the energy moves and integrates you are left with a deeper connection to yourself and to your partner. It is a challenging journey at times but I am never sorry to have embarked on the path of Sacred Union. Here is an article on Conscious Relationships you might enjoy:
And here is a post-script and report on how I did with the challenge I set myself last week to do some yoga and dance over the week. With a class and a retreat day I had no trouble doing yoga 4 times but I didn’t manage one dance, in fact I completely forgot about that bit! So I’m going to keep it simple and just focus on the yoga for now, another 4 times in the coming week. If you can get to Maleny I highly recommend the retreat I did with Melissa Borich, the setting is beautiful and the energy of the place quite delicious and very gentle, just what I needed!