And so it goes on this process of integration……..and on and on……….. This is turning out to be a much bigger process than I ever imagined it would be, there is definitely a weight to the transition to marriage that has surprised me. Since my last post I have continued to sit with a certain amount of pain in my body, mostly centred around my head, neck and shoulders. There is a pain in my head that I am familiar with and that I associate with feelings of lack or scarcity. I had an amazing bodywork session last week that found all my sore bits and got the energies in my body flowing and which actually released all the pain for about 15 minutes. Then the head pain came back and since then it comes and goes, at times extremely painful and just plain sore at others.
In my last post I described how it felt like I was throwing up my cage, shedding outmoded ideas of who I am and what I can expect from life. My dear Beloved came up with a very interesting idea about the pain that I have been experiencing, especially in my head since that big purge. He suggested that the return of the pain after the bodywork might be me being conscious of returning back to ‘normality’ and feeling the parts of the cage that are still present. Wow! The process of shifting my deep beliefs around abundance has been ongoing for many years now as I have become more and more conscious of my attachment to scarcity or lack. The number of layers that I have shed over the years has been staggering but what is occurring right now feels like the biggest yet!
The physical expression of our inner world continued this weekend just past as my Beloved and I both had an attack of a gastro bug. He went first on the Saturday with his fast metabolism but I had my turn yesterday and sadly was unable to sing with my choir. Yet another opportunity for my body to shed that which it no longer requires, I had my first light meal late afternoon when I was starting to feel a little bit more human. Belly is still feeling a bit sore today but it is accepting food again. I believe that to truly shift deeply held beliefs it is sometimes necessary to go through a physical shedding of some kind. What we think and feel is experienced through the physical matter of the body and is expressed not only chemically but also energetically in our cells. So when we are letting go of toxic belief systems it makes a lot of sense that it would be a very physical process.
The proof of the pudding is as they say in the eating so it will be most interesting to see how this transition manifests in the life that my Beloved and I are creating together. There are already examples of that shift in our financial realm but the most exciting aspect is the shift in how I feel about abundance. That is the critical part that will ultimately make for an even more abundant and happy life, feeling that I deserve all that yumminess!
Here is the final part of my snake story, as I read over what I wrote at the end of 2012 I can see with hindsight that I was pretty much spot on with the conclusions that I drew from my encounter with the reptilian realm.
With the chrissy whirl still going round and round I’ve had no time to research the significance of the snake, but it is a medicine that has come to me before and so I have some idea of its meaning for me. Snakes have the ability to unhinge their jaws and take in animals much larger than themselves, having taken this huge mouthful they then slowly but surely digest their food. I am learning a lot at the moment with this blog, for me getting started was the big mouthful and now as I am doing it I begin to make sense of what I am doing, understanding and integration slowly unfolding through the digestive juices of my mind and intuition.
This is also a time of transformation on a personal and global level, and this is probably the best known aspect of snake medicine. Letting go of the old is necessary in order to transform into new shapes just as the snake sheds its skin in order to be reborn. I am shifting from the old Kerry who was insecure, felt unworthy, and could not allow abundance to flow in her life, into a new improved model, like going from a broken down bomb to a sleek red Ferrari!
As I engage the gears of this new bio machine I feel the power within, and the life force flows through my being like sunshine glinting on the sea or a beautiful flower opening to the light. I feel enormous gratitude to the python for the message that it brought, it matters not that we are always this magnificent creature for we do forget how wondrous we are and need to be reminded over and over again, in a world that often tries to cover this burning truth.
And the reminders keep coming as I enter into the energy of 2015, the shadow will always be getting triggered if you are engaged with life. And there has been so much coming up for me, and I keep meeting it and clearing and my life continues to get better! I am really settling into my beautiful partnership with my gorgeous man, we have been in a love bubble for two but are beginning to expand that into something much larger. And part of that is me growing and evolving as an individual, we are spending a bit more time away from each other and that’s a good thing. It feels a bit strange at first when we have been together so very much, but I know that it will make our relationship even stronger in the long-term. And we are in for the long haul my Beloved and I.
Anima Animus by Toni Carmine Salerno
And there is exciting new growth for me as a psychic reader which I will share with you next week. Time to put action to inspiration and see how spirit responds to my passion and focus! Sending you all BIG love and lashings of blissings…….
It’s a while since I wrote about uneasy belly but even in the bubble of love stuff comes up, in fact the more that you dive into that ocean of love the more likely you will stir up the shadows lurking in the depths of your being. So I am feeling that knot of anxiety in my stomach but not like butterflies flying in flocks, it is more concentrated in just one spot. Because I am so very happy it isn’t disabling but it isn’t comfortable either, this will definitely be something I will take into my medicine journey tonight, an opportunity to release limitation and negativity.
And that is exactly what this is, the feelings are very familiar and have in the past created a kind of paralysis which made it hard for me to act on anything. They tell me that I’m not good enough to receive the full abundance of the life force, that there’s no point in even trying because I can never get anything right. This has all been triggered by insecurities over money, some big expenses going out and not so much coming in, but essentially there have been no real sudden changes, it is my thoughts that are creating this unsettling vortex inside me.
So inwards I go to release and transform, being able to share all this with my Beloved really helps a lot, he is a good listener and generously holds space for me when I need him to. As a matter of fact he is living proof that I have made ENORMOUS progress! To be loved so completely without reserve is to affirm that I am worthy of such regard.
My trust in life deepens as I continue to let go of anything and everything that may stand in the way of my fullness, of my full participation in the evolution of humanity.
So be it, so be it, so be it…………………………………
Time to write a little on the energies that came in last weekend with the New Moon in Scorpio, and of course there was a solar eclipse too which made it even more powerful. No wonder I had that bad gastro attack, Scorpio is deeply transformative and very emotional, I felt renewed and cleaned out afterwards, and since then there are quite a few things that have been ‘stuck’, that are now flowing. What I find particularly fascinating is the element that the eclipse brought to this mix, it was all about helping us to see where we have been resistant to change, exactly what I am noticing in myself over this past week. I spoke of using EFT (emotional freedom technique) to clear the resistance to using my recent learnings for creating my new lifestyle and for healing myself, and in doing this I’ve become very aware of exactly what that resistance is.
It isn’t exactly new information, but I’m finally at the bedrock of this core belief, and the work I’m currently doing will clear the last of the barrier that has been like a glass ceiling for me all of my life. It says that I’m not good enough and that the things that work for other people to create health and abundance will never work on me, I’m different somehow and everyone else is better than me. Sounds so silly when you say it like that, but that’s what I’ve been carrying around for most of my life, it isn’t surprising that I haven’t been able to fully utilise all the amazing therapies and ideas that have been so abundant in my experience.
So before I even begin to use the Alpha brain techniques I sit down and I tap on my meridians while stating that, “Even though I don’t believe these methods will ever work on me, I totally and completely love, honour and respect the amazing and beautiful person that I am!” And variations on that theme, apart from tapping in the correct places on the body the most important thing is to invest what you are saying with strong emotion. Actually that goes for all of this stuff, for it to work it needs to truly matter to you, remember we are fooling the brain here, and it’s the feeling that gives our thoughts so much power.
I’ve been a master of change all my life, riding the edge and learning how to be happy even while I was creating difficult circumstances that I would then have to somehow navigate. I stand now on the brink of a new chapter, yes I keep going on and on about it I know, but you have to understand this is very exciting for me. I guess my hope is that you will find this inspiring, and then go off and do whatever your new chapter looks like, or maybe you’re already doing it.
What I do know is that our world and our people need us to wake up and to take responsibility for our awesome abilities and gifts, we really truly are the people we have been waiting for.
So be it, so be it, so be it…………..
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Tagged abundance, Alpha brain techniques, core belief, EFT, emotions, energy, flow, healing, love, New Moon in Scorpio, resistance, solar eclipse, transformation
Tonight’s post was supposed to be on how to save the planet, but in the end it’s about saving me from burn out as I do my best to imitate Wonder Woman, trying to fit much more into a day than twenty-four hours was ever supposed to contain. As I get clearer and clearer on what I want to create in my life, I can see that more time is required to focus on these goals and the actions that will flow from that place. So I’ve decided to post three times a week, on Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays from this day forth.
I also need to walk my talk and act on the messages that my body has been sending me since I was in bed for a week in August, at the moment I still have the cold that began two weeks ago and it seems determined to linger on. Some of the time that I have been spending on these posts can be channelled into finding a more effective way of supporting myself in the world, and that could lead to all sorts of exciting outcomes. You might get the chance to buy my as yet unwritten book, or listen to the guided meditations I could very well create, or perhaps receive an invitation to an event I’ve organised in some exotic location!
Or perhaps none of the above, I don’t know all the details of the new chapter in my life, what I am sure of is the kind of lifestyle I want, and it’s not only abundant, it’s also very relaxed and easy. Living in the bush near the songline that I resonate with, communicating with nature and with the people in my community, moving into a relationship with my Beloved in divine timing. I don’t want to travel the world, just visit a few specific places, traveling through my own land appeals more to me, maybe singing the songlines as I go!
Just writing about this dream has me feeling more relaxed and at ease, letting go of the need to post every day hasn’t been easy, but I know it’s the right thing to do because of the relief I feel at the lessening of pressure. I talked about reducing stressors a few days ago in “There’s Always More!”, so here I am doing it again and this one is going to make a HUGE difference! I hope that those of you who have been faithfully following will hang in there with me, there are going to be many great stories coming your way from the newly invigorated and re-invented KERRY LAIZANS!!!!!!!
See you on Friday, until then love and blissings to you all…………
I’ve talked about love, actually if you put the word in to the search function on this blog I suspect that almost every post I’ve ever written would come up, must try that some time and see if it’s true! Love is definitely what makes the world go round, not the romantic kind but the larger sort of love, it’s what we are made of and connects all living things everywhere. So what about the other concern I mentioned in my last post, I am speaking of course of money, absolutely nothing in itself, but it has become a necessity in the current cultural paradigm.
Without money life is very challenging in this society, and I ought to know as there has been very little of it in my life up to now. My particular saboteur (admit it, you know what I’m talking about), has used this lack to try to stop me from growing and evolving. Not with malice I might add, it is the part of me that wants to keep me safe by changing as little as possible, I can remember mornings when that character wanted me to stay in bed because that way I would never be in any danger.
I found ways around this, I’ve done lots of amazing courses and had sessions where I either organised an energy exchange or paid them off over time. There are also things you can do for yourself that don’t cost anything, meditation and yoga, going for walks, catching up with beautiful friends. My life is a wonder and a delight even without the lubrication of lots of filthy lucre, but there are some areas of need that are challenging if not impossible to organise through exchange. For example I need three implants to replace a dodgy crown and bridge in the front of my mouth and believe me that ain’t cheap in this country!
It’s time to love myself enough to allow myself to receive abundance on all levels of my being, then I can fly to Bangkok and get the teeth sorted out for peanuts. It will also allow me to be a bit easier on myself and give my body the break it keeps asking me for every time I get sick. And there’s no reason this process can’t involve the doing of things that are fun, and full of that loving energy I was talking about at the beginning of this post.
This is my biggest current challenge and is really what I’m talking about when I say this is crunch time for me, everything else is well on the way to a life of bliss and ecstasy. I am spinning the wheel of fortune and creating the vortex from which all good things come, I AM ABUNDANT and overflowing with LOVE AND CASH!!
This post just has to be about gratitude, I’m feeling so full of appreciation for so many wonderful things that are in my life. Sunshine and hot weather, a supportive mum, heartful connections within an amazing community, the opportunity to connect on deep levels with the land, and an absolute abundance of good music just down the road at my local club which is a co-operative. I have found a place to be where my heart sings and inspiration comes from every direction!
But my gratitude for the people in my life goes way beyond the community that I live in, in the virtual world there are many I have never met who feel like the dearest of friends. And of course I am particularly grateful for those of you who have chosen to follow my sometimes whimsical and often quite strange meanderings through my own personal healing journey. Your commitment gives meaning to what I’m doing in this space, I love to write and explore in the realm of spirit but to truly be a writer you need people to read your work so THANK YOU EACH AND EVERYONE!!!
I feel as though I have learned a lot by setting out on this adventure, my original goal of improving my writing skills has definitely been achieved, although there is of course always more to be discovered and learned. But I’ve come a long way and it’s time to start thinking about what my bigger goals might be for this blog. The real challenge is going to be thinking about goals for the future while still being in the moment as much as possible, you may recall that part of my message from spirit over the Equinox weekend was not to be thinking too far ahead.
Sounds like a bit of a contradiction doesn’t it, well I will simply have to find a way to do both, in the extraordinary world we live in all things are possible. And after all I am becoming more and more witchy, just need to find the right spell!
For a little musical magic here is the Steve Miller Band with “Abracadabra”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWPQQbldFjw
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Tagged abundance, community, goals, gratitude, healing, heart, Inspiration, journey, magic, spirit, writing