Tag Archives: addiction

The Movie Inside.

A few posts ago I told the story of how I shifted some deep feelings that had been triggered in my yoga class (Goodbye Sweetheart: 21 Aug 2013), it was on this occasion a fairly quick process. This has not always been the case for me and even now I come up against resistance to letting go of my stuff, it isn’t the brick wall that it used to be but it can still be a challenge to move through. With the sorrow that I described that was in my heart, I did notice that there was a part of me that wanted to hold on to that feeling.

Akhundova Samra: A photographer who captures spiritual experiences with her art. http://samraakhundova.wix.com/samra-art-design

Akhundova Samra: A photographer who captures spiritual experiences with her art. http://samraakhundova.wix.com/samra-art-design

When dealing with unexpressed emotions from the past it is sometimes necessary to wallow a bit in that sea of grief or whatever it is that is coming up for you. Give the feeling its full expression and then let it go, that’s the theory but in practice it isn’t always quite so easy. I’ve known people who work on themselves constantly who become addicted to the process of bringing the feelings up but can never seem to actually release them. It’s as if these feelings and the story that they are attached to is so much a part of who they are, on some level they fear that by letting go they will lose their identity.

So the actual letting go part, how do you do it? As a kinesthetic person I feel it in my body, bring my awareness to wherever it is in my body, usually in the belly or the heart. Then I might breathe or tone into that part of my body, or I might use a visualisation as I did with the sorrow, seeing it as a mist and putting it into a sparkling bottle. Your imagination is an important tool in any kind of inner work, a key ingredient for creating change, Einstein said:

“Your imagination is a preview of life’s coming attractions.”

Albert Einstein.

Albert Einstein.

You do need to be committed (not to an asylum!) and to be prepared to give yourself focused time to drop into the parts of you that lie beneath the surface. I found it easier to create the time for that kind of thing after giving up television which I pretty much stopped watching twelve years ago. Try shifting your perception of what it is to spend time dropping within, don’t see it as work, it can be lots of fun even as it challenges and confronts. And the clarity and energy and joy that emerges the more that you heal that which is incomplete, the ecstasy of feeling whole and connected to all things, it’s better than any tv show I ever saw.

Sweet Dreams.

As the clear winter water

Nourishes the seed within the earth

I am nourished by new-found awareness

of who I truly am.

This awareness has not yet fully matured,

Which will reveal all wisdom

In its time,

the Power of the unmanifest

Even now works within my spiritual heart,

And I am at peace.

The Essene Book of Days by Danaan Parry: http://www.earthstewards.org/ESN-Danaan.asp

My last toning circle was all about planting seeds, then watering them and giving them a powerful loving focus, and of course juicy frequencies through our sounds. It may sound a little strange to be planting seeds in winter, but it is the inner garden that I am referring to. The stillness that may come with the cold winter months draws us into ourselves, so it’s a perfect time to be tending our garden within.

planting-seed

This strong focus on the seeds I have planted helps to keep me from straying back into old patterns, that still beckon me with their siren song. How addicted we can be to things that so obviously do not serve us, how hard to let go of dreams that never truly held the promise that we so desperately tried to see in them. I am so very tired and that makes me particularly vulnerable to regret, when weary one tends more towards negative self-talk, feeling rejected in this moment, even the cat has left the room!

Don’t worry, it’s nothing a good night’s sleep won’t fix, as my mother reminded me tonight, I have been subject to a kind of psychic attack  for a number of months now and that is the sort of thing that tends to wear a girl out! Sounds dramatic doesn’t it, but having an energy vampire playing with your heart and your emotions is no fun for anyone, it’s pretty much over now and I am stronger and wiser because of it.

Energy-Vampire

The cat is back and she is purring, this is a sign that all is well in my world, my inner garden is planted with the most amazing seeds and I have the strongest feeling that some of them may practically grow overnight! The world is a wonderful place and I belong in it, the morning will be bright even if it is still raining and after my morning yoga class I will be ready to take on anything.

Carpe diem! (Seize the day).

Good And Sweet.

I’ve had a period of relative calm for once in my life, not much ‘stuff’ coming up at all, being a bit indulgent with myself and that feels good too. When I come back into my practices that will also feel very good, I think it’s important not to ever be rigid with anything that we do, even the good habits can afford a holiday sometimes. All this making food for people is leading me back into sugar and grain at times, special occasions that have been happening all too often lately, having broken my lifelong sugar addiction I’m most reluctant  to go back into that space.

caramel apple pie By crazyrawvegan

caramel apple pie
By crazyrawvegan

So I need to think about how to manage the craving for sweets that is making a return appearance this week, pretty simple really, be strict with my diet whenever I’m not in entertaining mode. And in the long-term I want to come up with more sweet foods that I can easily make that are actually good for me, seems like palm sugar might be a good thing to find out more about. Raw cake and raw chocolate can be utterly delicious and super good for you, one of my dinner guests brought raw chocolate that she made herself, it was divine and sounded very easy to make.

Another couple of weeks of entertaining to get through without becoming the size of  a house, like when Alice drank the bottle marked ‘drink me’ and grew and grew and grew! Maybe I should try to stir up some more stuff, that uneasy belly makes for an excellent appetite suppressant! Only kidding, only kidding……..I’m sure there is shedding in my future without my having to go trying to dig anything up, that’s life after all, receiving and letting go, receiving and letting go…………….breathing in and breathing out…………bless………..

Imagining Kindness.

Time to talk food again, I did some naughty eating over the weekend and it’s reflected immediately upon the scales! Seems terribly unfair, but I guess I can also see it as a signpost that tells me with great clarity, that what I consumed was not particularly good for this body. Different bodies have their own responses to the fuel that we provide, and it’s important to find the food that works for your own unique and wonderful self.

I’m really feeling the craving for carbs that seems to be so easily stimulated for me, if I stray off the path even just a smidgen, the appetite wakes up and the voice of addiction begins its siren song. As I sit here and write, that voice is telling me that fish and chips is a perfectly reasonable dinner to have, it started as a piece of fish with salad that I will make, but that coaxing voice is luring me into carbohydrate overload!!

I know it’s just plain lazy on my part, but at times like this I long for a partner with the same interest in pursuing optimum health, to share the load of getting it altogether. Someone who loves to create masterpieces in the kitchen, oh what  a dream man that would be, I would happily be the kitchen hand joyfully clearing up the mess left by creativity gone wild.

In the meantime it’s up to me to create this new lifestyle for myself, and one thing that I have learned as I walk the path of life, is that self-flagellation doesn’t help when it comes to creating and manifesting change of any kind. My mother always says that kindness is one of the most underrated qualities and I heartily agree with her. But we need to remember to apply this wisdom to ourselves as well as to others, imagine a world where everybody was kind to themself.  Hard to imagine isn’t it but I am one of the dreamers, just like the amazing John Lennon with his song “Imagine” Please enjoy this classic song and really listen to the words, even though you probably know them well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRhq-yO1KN8

John Lennon.

John Lennon.