Tag Archives: being

The Boomerang Of Love: Turning Pain Into Prosperity.

Posted on December 25, 2013 | Leave a comment

bubblesofjoyThe warm slightly moist air is a container caressing my aura and holding me in the gentle embrace of the mother. Trust in that sense of complete non-judgement, total acceptance of me, no matter what I’ve done, or not done…….may do. Feeling the support of loving community, of loving kindness streaming from my heart out into the world, and the boomerang from that which keeps feeding the air into the ocean of love, keeping me floating, floating……bubbles of joy dancing in the shallows, with sunlight glinting and smiling.

bubblesofjoy2

My inner smile paving the way for prosperity to flow in a golden river, carrying a rich array of resources to wherever there be need. I can sense my readiness to let go once again, allowing my trust in the mother, the father, the self, to keep me afloat as I release tensions held for so very long. With an Ahhhhhhh I tone from the heart space and unwind a thousand heart aches, loss, resentment and grief, anger and pain unbearable, so much can be held in our amazing organic beingness.

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Joy may lead us to encounters with the dark side, she does this that we may shed whatever is no longer required and move into the next fabulous stage of what Jean Houston describes as the Possible Human.

“There is no question but that a larger life is latent in the human species and that we live only a small part of the life that is given. For the first time in human history perhaps we can begin to live that life which we are given.”

www.jeanhoustonfoundation.org/downloads/PossibleHuman.pdf‎

It is exciting and it can also bring up big fears, being truly magnificent ought to be easy you think but the reality can be as overwhelming as the greatest disaster or catastrophe. If I really am that incredible then what have I been doing all of these years! Simple answer, preparing for this moment that you are in now, living your life, being yourself as much as you could manage at any given time, now it’s time to be ALL THAT YOU ARE!!!!!

Let the FUN begin!

Oh and by the way, Happy, Happy, Happy Christmas to you and your loving community, may the love on this day circle the whole globe and TRANSFORM everything!

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Oh Mind Be Free.

Posted on October 25, 2013 | Leave a comment

Walking the fine line between purpose and doing too much, coaxing my lovely body to fulfill the great tasks I ask it to contemplate and carry out, balancing being with running around in happy connection with a beautiful world. ‘Tis the mind that is the rub, careering ahead into the future and picking up deliveries of stress and worry as it goes, wanting to know EVERYTHING, even the unknowable. Wanting, wanting, wanting………….always focused on what it doesn’t yet have, or the pain of past losses, monkey mind needs no whip to keep itself on track, self-flagellation the sport it likes the best!

Adrenalin shoots into cells that only ever wanted to be happy and free, and suddenly aches and pains begin to colour this perfect world, the peaceful place that asks us just to be. A simple request from a physical creation that will do whatever it takes to bring us back into the truth of who we be, ignore your own wisdom at your peril for it shall always have the last word. And isn’t peace what we all truly desire in the end, there will always be weather in this particular sea, but the water has no agenda, it shapes itself according to everything else finding harmony and love in the dance.

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I caress my mind and soothe its many fears and doubts, telling it that it’s not alone, never alone, the larger self will always be there to hold the container of life. Remembering that this journey is supposed to be fun, beer and skittles and love, dancing to great music, making music and flying to the moon and back again. When I release the past and future possibility, allow myself to be fully present in this moment, I wave a magic wand and hey presto, there is absolutely nothing to worry about!

Abracadabra!

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The Valley Of Love.

Posted on September 12, 2013 | Leave a comment

Relaxation is one of those states of being that tends to be undervalued in this culture, where action and achievement are held up as the pinnacles we are meant to be aiming at. Personally I just don’t have the motivation to climb that particular Everest, how about we go gliding through the canals of Venice, or if you really like winter sports then try sledding down the hill and simply letting go. When I can make the space for it I am pretty good at letting go, and when I allow it, I have become adept at actually relaxing into my fullness.

Mount Everest.

Mount Everest.

If you have a look at tantra you will find a lot of talk about relaxation, instead of going faster and faster and heading towards a ‘peak’ orgasm, you relax and allow the subtle energies to be perceived and felt, and sink into what is known as a ‘valley’ orgasm. I’m not speaking from personal experience, ten years ago when I was in my last relationship I knew nothing about any of this stuff although some of it happened spontaneously. I was already beginning to clear my stuff and move energies and as a woman it is much easier for me to be in that tantric space, it’s all about ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’.

When the opportunity to move into relationship as a spiritual practice arrives I will embrace it wholeheartedly, but in the meantime I will practice relaxation in all areas of my life as best I can. Things work better, we operate more harmoniously when we are coming from a relaxed space, but that’s a discussion for another post.

Good news for anyone who suffers from performance anxiety in the bedroom, which would be just about everyone at some point in a relationship. And for those of you who aren’t worried, are you on automatic pilot doing the same thing every time because you know it works, and if you try something new you might get rejected and isn’t that simply the worst possible thing that could happen! I’m not hearing relaxation in any of that description, and while I may be exaggerating a little and focusing on the negative, there are some truths in what I say.

More on this subject another time, in the meantime have a listen to Frankie Goes To Hollywood singing “Relax (Don’t do it)”, I don’t think I ever really listened to the words before, it’s about valley orgasms!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyl5DlrsU90

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My Fiery Heart!

Posted on August 15, 2013 | 4 comments

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Rumi.

heartfire

I would take this thought one step further and say that we ARE LOVE, in the very fabric of our beingness, in the very centre of all that we be. I find myself inspired by one of the HeartFire Gateway offerings and intrigued by information which is new to me. Apparently there are seven layers of muscle around the heart in a spiraling configuration, I have always loved the shape of the spiral and in this case you are following it into the centre of the heart. The memories of our life’s journey are held in those layers around the heart, anything unresolved creates a barrier or veil that impedes the flow of love.

I tried the meditation that was suggested which was to breathe in and out through the heart and to allow the memories to rise up, then collect them in a magical sack to be transformed in the centre of my being. What I felt was deep sorrow, it felt like liquid blue moving very slowly and rather than put it into a bag I allowed it to move into the centre of my heart. As it reached the centre it became golden, bright and glowing, and was transmuted into light, then dissolved into nothingness.

heartfiresea

When I clear stuff I usually experience the energy moving upwards and out my crown chakra, so this was quite different having it move into my centre and be transmuted in that way. I enjoyed the experience very much and will probably do it again, although I think the memories we need to clear are not just in the heart, they can be anywhere in the body. But I can imagine having stirrings in the belly and encouraging the energy to move up into the heart fire at my centre. Isn’t it great that there are so many different ways of doing things, life is a smorgasboard of the most wondrous variety!!

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The Red Shoes.

Posted on July 21, 2013 | Leave a comment
thewrittenreel.wordpress.com

thewrittenreel.wordpress.com

There is a sense of completion all around me, the ripples of my actions creating endings, and new beginnings. When I follow those ripples out into the ocean of love I am filled with the excitement of my own potential. But I also need to be careful not to get too far ahead of myself, it comes back always to balance and being present in the moment that I am in.

At times I am so impatient, like Juliet as she waits for the day to end so that she may be with her Romeo:

Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night,

That runaway’s eyes may wink, and Romeo

Leap to these arms untalked of and unseen.

Lovers can see to do their amorous rites

By their own beauties; or, if love be blind,

It best agrees with night.Come, civil night,

Thou sober-suited matron, all in black,

And learn me how to lose a winning match,

Played for a pair of stainless maidenhoods.

William Shakespeare.

But it is not simply a partner that I am singing up here, it’s an entire new life in a world that has gone through such enormous changes since the Summer Solstice 2012. And divine timing is always such an important aspect of the process, flowing with the current, where the energies naturally want to go.

But I’m human and so I come in and out of that easy current and of course there are sometimes storms that blow in as well . At the end of the day it’s my response that determines how I travel, it creates my reality based on the impetus of what is actually happening around me. What is particularly nice at the moment is that not a lot of stuff is coming up and I am shifting it fairly quickly when it does. Praise the Goddess, and a special thanks to the feminine flow for guiding me towards the amazing bargain of getting the last pair of red boots on crazy sexy special, perfect fit!

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Couldn’t find the french version of Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet that I remember as being particularly good, but this one shows Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev dancing together, the energy between them is electric!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtBRN5BXt6o

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Wham Bam Thank You Mam!

Posted on June 4, 2013 | Leave a comment

I toyed with the idea of scrapping my last post, not sure it quite hung together, but then I decided it was probably reflecting me exactly where I was in that moment, once again I find myself imperfect! There I was saying how nice it was to be clear for a change, and then wham bam thank you mam, huge amount of stuff on the move, deepest loss and abandonment, full of such sadness. I think it is something you could describe as a moving feast, sometimes the dishes are good and sometimes they are flavoured with regret, grief, or anger.

David Bowie: he played out his 'stuff' for all to see, some great music came out of that process!

David Bowie: he played out his ‘stuff’ for all to see, some great music came out of that process!

I am certainly getting clearer and clearer on what I do and do not want in my life, even when the emotional storm leaves you feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck, there is a sense of clarity that comes as the storm begins to clear. That feeling that so much has been washed away, there is a new world to explore where nothing is quite the same anymore. There is a choice, you can yearn for the old way of being, or you can look with excitement to a whole new perception of the reality around you. If I am being truthful about myself here, and I really do try to be very honest with you all, I probably go between those two states, with the new way gradually gaining more power and momentum until you find yourself positively humming in that direction!

It’s a great theory and I do practice it, although in practice it might not always be so easy to see the pattern of back and forthing as it is happening. The main thing is to keep releasing anything that isn’t serving you, and if it keeps coming up then keep releasing it, repetition being an important part of change. And let your heart draw you in the direction of the new reality that is opening up to you, it will know what to do if you allow it to do what it does best, embracing and surrendering, loving all things, seeing the life force in everyone………….

Love is all you need…………..blissings.

This is kind of gratuitous but I thought of this David Bowie song when I remembered the phrase, wham bam thank you mam. He is so young and so utterly beautiful, in such an androgynous way, must have been so many boys and girls in love with him then, me being one of them, enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSQ0LWnFx7w

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The Father Weeps.

Posted on May 24, 2013 | Leave a comment

raintrees

Winter descends with a grip grown icy, and begins to weep and weep, mirroring my own deep sadness, gentle, but pervading my entire being, soft and spiraling down. Every new beginning contains the end of all manner of things, as I move through this transition with as much grace as I can muster, almost gliding along at times.

The death of a small animal that was mine to care for, the death of a dream that was never actually mine, the shifts and changes in relationship and the opening of new doorways. What seemed exciting the day before is hollowed out by nature’s sobbing, the deep relaxation found in the meditation at the end of my morning practice is still there inside me, a huge white space that holds the promise of freedom, yet feels cold.

This is not misery nor despair, it is not loss nor is it abandonment. The truth is that this is not completely mine, I take responsiblity for the emptiness for that is where I source my true power, ’tis where my fullness lies. But the sadness comes from another, a deep connection that does not want to be severed, it fears to embrace the glory of the fullness that was open to its seeking tendrils, yet neither can it let go. Attraction and repulsion playing an inner tug of war beneath the level of conscious awareness, am I perhaps going into madness, and yet my intuition is quite sure of what it knows.

From Oracle of the Dragonfae by Lucy Cavendish.

From Oracle of the Dragonfae by Lucy Cavendish.

Before I sat down to write I took a card from Lucy Cavendish’s Oracle of the Dragonfae, Gwynne and Elluish, which told me that my connection to nature is getting stronger and that my intuition is growing with it, and that I will be receiving messages from my own inner knowing that I can trust. So I tend to believe what is coming to me in the way of that knowledge and I break that deep connection with much love and great respect, there will always be love, after all, where could it go?

And as I do this the sadness begins to lift, leaving only the emptiness…………..pregnant with the dawn of a new day that is almost ready to peep over the horizon………..my inner smile grows……as Father Sky continues to weep and weep.

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Emerging Through The Darkness.

Posted on April 21, 2013 | Leave a comment

The darkness doth swallow me and no matter where I look, no matter where my footsteps take me, despair and misery follow at my heels, hopelessness dogging every step. How can I go on and yet what other choice is there? The voices of traumas past cluster inside my soul until I am wont to scream, but my voice is caught inside the prison of my self-made armour. To reach for succour is but to polish that armour and make it strong, no comfort can take me to the bright dawn that is waiting upon the other side of forever. The only way forward is to sit with these feelings that drag me down into an icy pool of horror and loss, abandonment and madness.

despair

And that’s what I did, I sat with those feelings, much of that time is hazy in my memory’s eye, but there are moments that do stand out in the fog. A time when I was on the edge of the abyss and wrote the mythical story of my life as a tool to clamber back over the lip of the cliff on to solid ground. I began with my birth and wrote up to the moment that I was in, then I continued the story to a triumphant conclusion, as you will find in any good mythic tale. By the time I came to the end of the story I had gone from the depths of despair, to ecstasy and joy.

My time in the desert cracked me open in ways that I didn’t really understand at the time, I knew that things had shifted on a profound level of my being but much of what was occurring was below my conscious knowing. The spiritual emergence that followed was harrowing at times, but I don’t regret a moment of it. I don’t believe that everyone has to go through something like that, but for me it was necessary, and the gifts that have come from that time are a rich bounty that continue to support and nurture me in my growth.

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I am grateful that my evolution comes now more through bliss and joy, and that the moments of darker challenge are like bubbles floating up to dissolve in the sunshine, merging into all that is, the unity consciousness that is beneath all things.

consciouslove

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Phoenix Rising.

Posted on April 7, 2013 | Leave a comment

A tender spiral invites me to swirl down and down into my soft sweet centre, there are no thoughts there, simply a warm acceptance of my beingness. I flow with the current, as the moon tugs at my innermost parts and asks me to sink into those depths, to let go of surface attachment and to be………… I pause in the midst of madness, and my blood chooses that moment of divine timing to release, carrying sadness, grief and anger, a river of loss and abandonment returning to the source from which it came………….. and being transformed.

Quantum Fractal Energy Mandala: On Facebook.

Quantum Fractal Energy Mandala: On Facebook.

Nothing is ever truly lost, not love nor beauty, for where could it go? In deepest grief this knowing may take a very long time to be truly accepted and integrated. Though we may distract ourselves and pretend that our world is complete, there is always this yawning abyss waiting to engulf us, we fear that it will take us and we may never find our way home again. And yet home is where we’ve always been!

To gradually peel away the layers of self, the false images we created for protection, that became an armour that seemed unbreakable. With each release another distraction loses its charm, and we can begin to become more present with what is actually before us, the truth of the beauty of what our present moment contains. Surely this is worth the trials of sitting with discomfort, with pain and a sense of emptiness that sometimes seems unbearable, for the light at the end of the tunnel may seem far away, but that it is there is certain.

My long dark night of the soul is far behind me, but I would go there again in a moment if that was what the journey required, the blessings that have come to me in its wake are too many to be counted. From the ashes of my pain I am reborn, and the world is a beautiful place………………

The Prayer of Light

Love before me Love behind me Love at my left Love at my right Love above me Love below me Love unto me Love in my surroundings Love to all Love to the Universe

Peace before me Peace behind me Peace at my left Peace at my right Peace above me Peace below me Peace unto me Peace in my surroundings Peace to all Peace to the Universe

Light before me Light behind me Light at my left Light at my right Light above me Light below me Light unto me Light in my surroundings Light to all Light to the Universe

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Beauty’s Way.

Posted on February 2, 2013 | Leave a comment

Every now and then I come to this place where I wonder what I have to say, and there is an emptiness inside me where inspiration once resided. So it is to the emptiness, the great stillness, that  I go to find that creative flow, for I know it is never truly gone, I have simply lost the connection.

Even in my late teens and early twenties when I was very much a lost soul, I knew that that centre of being was there, I just couldn’t feel it, and pretty much didn’t give a stuff about it. When you have no love for yourself, when you see yourself as completely unworthy, you don’t tend to value the sacred, the beauty of life.

If you think about that in relation to what we are doing as a culture to this planet that we live on, it tells us something very important about the psychological makeup of the industrialised world. There is so much emphasis on amassing possessions, computers, games, designer clothes, the latest smart phones, and all the other technological gadgetry that abounds in this consumer’s paradise, there is no space left for valuing ourselves as human beings.

Seeing beauty does not mean that you have to be in a spectacular setting although I guess it helps, perception is always a choice, there is much more information coming in to our brains then we can actually perceive, so what we end up seeing is our version of reality. The American Indians talk about Beauty’s Way, a state of consciousness where you see the beauty of everything in the most vivid way. You could be walking down an alleyway and looking at piles of garbage and it’s transcendent, more or less as people tend to be when they’re in love.

We still need to do something about those piles of garbage, it’s not a good look for the Golden Age that is almost upon us. But if everyone could see with the eyes of the soul, and perceive the truth of this incredible place we inhabit, that garbage would soon disappear, converted into energy just as Sweden is already doing. We have the answers, we just need to find the heart and the will to move into the bright new future that awaits.

Beauty is before me,
And beauty is behind me.
Above and below me hovers
the beautiful.
I am surrounded by it.
I am immersed in it.
In my youth
I am aware of it,
And in old age I shall walk quietly
The beautiful
trail.

Navaho Prayer, 19th Century, Anonymous.

Photo by Ulli Hansen.

Photo by Ulli Hansen.

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