Tag Archives: beloved

I Love You Mum.

The rains have come to our town and everyone is so grateful for the water pouring from the sky, not coming with storm and wind this time but plenty of it for the dry and dusty gardens and the water tanks. I look outside my window and all the different shades of green are glistening with the moisture, life is waking up, I can hear the birds celebrating!

I look around my room, here I am back at mum’s place, it’s comfortable but I am finding it a bit of a struggle finding my inspiration here. Not that creativity really need depend on where you are, if it truly matters to you then you can find it wherever you are, and I am determined to make this so!

Even as I write those words the answers begin coming to me, I need to connect with the earth, to go and walk on the land and feel the mother beneath my feet. And what better way to prepare for World Sound Healing Day! Here I am living in the beautiful country, and I rarely go out to places that are a hop jump and a skip away.

We inter-breath with the rain  forests, we drink from the oceans.  They  are part of our own body.  Thich Nhat Hanh

You didn’t come into this world.  You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean.  You  are not a stranger here.  Alan Watts

Perhaps I will tell you the story of being buried in the earth in my next post, it was an incredible experience that taught me so much. The wisdom of Gaia is great, and if we can find the time to pause and connect with her, she has an infinite source of knowledge and understanding to offer us.

Thank you Mother, for always being there for me, even when I have been unable to be there for myself, you have been present beneath my feet. Your beating heart has kept time with the thunder of blood rushing through my veins, the dance of neurons sparkling through my brain. Always have you been here, my beloved, my beloved, my beloved…………………


Dream A Little Dream.

I’m thinking about my Beloved again, not sure if those thoughts were what kept me awake for three hours the other night, but sleep was certainly elusive. I would feel myself starting to slip into that relaxed space where everything begins to soften, and thoughts drift gradually away, until, in a moment one can never pin down, you are gone into the realms of sleep.

I don’t often remember my dreams, as a child I would make dreams up to tell the other kids, because I felt left out when they described their wonderful nightly excursions into fantasy. For my first assignment doing my graduate diploma in counselling I used Freudian techniques to explore a fragment I remembered from a nightmare, and it was such a powerful process I was getting physical symptoms as I tried to write. There is no doubt that dreams can help us to try and make sense of our experiences and feelings, but it is only one of the doorways.

I could do things to help me to remember dreams but it has never drawn me very strongly, I would rather meditate or do a trance journey. That does keep coming back to me very strongly indeed, I need to be doing a regular practice along with my yoga, and green smoothies, and all the various things I do to take care of myself.

I think there is a message trying to get through, and so I need to create sacred space within myself, in order to receive the gift of knowledge. And I am fairly sure that it has to do with my Beloved and with my spiritual task, the freeing up of my life force energy that is required for my journey to proceed, the opening of my heart.

I saw myself with my beloved as I lay sleepless, and at one point I got up to write about what that felt like, here it is: We fell into each other’s energy fields like we were coming home to roost, so easy, so comfortable. As if a thousand lives entwined us through the ages, and our souls knew every nuance of every moment, inscribed upon our hearts for evermore.

Oh my Beloved…………………………………


Be Here Now.

Before I begin I would like to express my gratitude to those of you who have started following my blog, thank you so much for being interested in what I have to say. Gratitude is one of those qualities that is given its proper weight these days, Oprah probably has a lot to do with that, Goddess bless her!

Another important quality is the ability to live with uncertainty, something I have been looking at lately, and which is really in my face today. Sometimes the most trivial events can point these things out to us. I went to play the final dvd in the second series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and yes I am still on that merry ride, and it was broken. Apparently I must have done it when I took it out of its case, something that has never happened to me before.

Not terribly important in the cosmic scale of things, I hear you say, but to an anal, two planets in Virgo, Buffy obsessive, this is really, really devastating. I almost could have cried, I know, a grown adult and shaken up by not knowing how the season ended. I am the first to agree that this is totally pathetic, I’m trusting my readers not to run away in droves at this sad admission. Actually there probably aren’t enough of you to be in droves, but you get my meaning!

As I wrestled with my feelings of disappointment, I told myself that I would just have to forge on ahead with the other episodes, letting go of the need to know what happened. And that was when I realised that this minor issue, was underlining a much bigger one, that I have indeed been looking at just these last few days. Wanting to know NOW if particular possibilities are going to develop into fully fledged manifestations, in work, relationship, everything as a matter of fact.

So much of my life is up in the air at the moment, my house sit ends in three weeks and I don’t have a new one yet. I’ve finished some aspects of my work and while I have a sense of moving into something exciting and new, I can’t see it yet. And when it comes to my Beloved, I can practically smell his pheromones sliding into my olfactory senses, mmmmmmmmmmm…………. Oh Aphrodite, bring it on!!!!

But for now I must make my peace with not knowing, I think I will tone for a bit and bring my frequencies into a better alignment, I choose to be happy with my life exactly as it is in this moment!

From "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass.

From “Be Here Now” by Ram Dass.



Beloved Friendships.

Time I think to return to the subject of my beloved, I have been considering the public nature of these posts, and started to wonder if I might scare off a potential candidate if he thinks I’m going to expose all here. I will be as honest as I can with my readers, but there are some things best kept private, and developing relationships definitely fall into this category. If I want to express anything in relation to that I will simply have to find suitable metaphors or examples.

So I thought it would be a good idea to express my feelings on the possibility of a beloved coming into my life, yes I am looking for a life partner, but I have no intention of jumping on the first potential mate that turns up. Oh the temptation will be there for sure, old patterns have many layers, and I know for a fact that I still have beliefs that say things like “Grab this relationship and hold on no matter what, it may never happen again!”

These days I am very aware of these old beliefs, and I know that the optimum path is a very different one. What I really need is to have relationships with the right kind of men, conscious, aware, and open to their emotions, to have intimacy that doesn’t have to lead to sex. I need to explore what a truly healthy relationship feels like, and in that process I might find my beloved, or I might find a beautiful new friend. Both of those outcomes are very desirable, almost all of my intimate friends are women, and it would be nice to have more beautiful male friends too.

I haven’t been very comfortable with my own masculine energy in this lifetime, by having more of that energy around me in the form of friends, I may learn to be ok with that aspect of myself. It’s certainly worth following up and as I write this I realise that it actually needs to become a more conscious process. In the 18 months of my mountain change, I have made some wonderful new friends, but the ones I connect with more intimately are all women.

Mmmmmmmmm……..food for thought and for action, oh for more hours in the day to do all the things I want to do!

yinyangmascfemGod Goddess

Uneasy Belly.

Well the mobile mechanic was actually cheaper so there you go, never make assumptions and remember how smart your gut is! The car is now sounding a bit rough but I am hoping the drive to work tonight will smooth it out, my belly is uneasy again which I suspect is more letting go, as I move into the energies of the new year.

The new year………. what will it bring…………….my beloved, financial flow, optimum health, and the continuing evolution of my spiritual task. I did a workshop at Woodford (see my end note) where we were shown how to create a symbol for specific intentions, and then ways in which to harness our life force or sexual energy to empower the process. Perhaps I should start with creating plenty of time for everything I want to do, because that seems to be something I am always in short supply of.

My uneasy belly is making it very challenging to write this post but I don’t have time to go off and do anything about it, I notice that when I bring my attention to it and take a very conscious breath the energy swirling around in there seems to move upwards in my body. The feelings are definitely on the move and will progress up and eventually out the crown chakra, I don’t know the specifics of whatever story they are attached to, but my sense is that it is connected to feeling unworthy and not being good enough.

The old story of low self-esteem has so many layers, I have been shedding layer after layer for so many years. And while there always seems to be that little bit more, I can also say that my feelings of self-love have grown enormously in the same time frame. It is a challenging journey but soooooooo worth the effort, my life keeps getting better, and even when I am having difficult days there are always moments of pure bliss and joy, the simple happiness of loving myself and everything around me.

Energy on the move!

Energy on the move!

The workshop I referred to was run by Andy and Laurel from www.awakeningcentre.com.au/, check them out they are doing amazing work!


All of Me.

So I guess the cat is out of the bag, I am in search of my beloved. It is time for us to do what we came here to do but that is just a tad tricky if you don’t know who your beloved is specifically, the broader ‘life and everything’ one is as clear as it’s ever going to be while encased in mortal flesh. I understand the Beloved in the context of the macrocosm but when it comes to the microcosm I can’t see him at all, somehow I manage to yearn without yearning, in other words making your needs known without being needy!

My task definitely has to do with supporting people through these exciting end times, through counselling, psychic and crisis, vocal toning, massage and energetic support. That still doesn’t always give me specifics but if I am paying attention I can usually work out what I am meant to be doing in the moment which after all is the present, the gift that never goes away. And sometimes I even give myself a day off, a day where I might clean, or walk, do yoga or washing, doing my best to let go of all that constant processing.

It is interesting being in all these different spaces as I go on my house sitting journey, getting to know different parts of my town and perhaps conjuring up different aspects of me, I am getting very clear about what I want in my own space when that comes. Me and my beloved in a space which is ours together, supporting each other in our journey upon the planet and the important work we are here to do. It feels a tiny bit scary putting that intention on paper as it were, so it must be a good idea, kind of like the buddy system where your intention is witnessed and supported.

Once it is out the next step is to surrender and to give my desire to the higher power that knows exactly how to bring it to fruition with perfection. Sometimes specific actions are required but on this occasion I keep getting the message from all around me to continue doing what I am doing, allow the ‘knowing’ to guide me in each part of the process. What matters more than anything is that I become who I really am in all my fullness, no excuses, no late notes, no more resistance………….simply letting go into what has always been there.

Namaste Beloved……….blissings…………

water goddess