Tag Archives: body

The Felt Sense.

Champagne in the middle of the day, even just a little bit, makes a girl wilt like a flower that’s been left without water for too long. It makes finding the inspiration for a post that much harder to find, so I’m doing what I always do in this situation, writing about what I’m feeling in this very moment and see where it takes me. There’s a weariness and a vulnerability in me, and I’m not quite sure what it’s about, after my recent experiences of my feelings being amplified by a malicious outside source, one can’t help wondering if something like that is going on yet again.

champagne

How can I tell if this is mine, mmmmmm…….guess I need to pause for a moment and tune in, and also use my imagination to put a mirror all around me, so that if anything is coming from outside of me it will be reflected back to sender. Ok so I did all that and this is definitely mine, there was no shift when I made the mirror and when I focused on the feeling in my belly it moved up to my heart. It’s sadness with no particular story attached to it which is another clue, an invasive energy is going to stir up your negative self-talk and stories. I acknowledged the feeling and it began to shift into warmth and tingling, signs of the energy moving, there is a tiny bit left but I actually feel a bit less tired.

It takes practice to tune into your body but it’s a skill that is well worth developing, if you can connect with its authentic voice the body has much wisdom to offer us. There are many doorways that lead to that knowing, dance, yoga, and meditation are my personal favourites but take your pick, there is a wonderful world out there just bursting with ideas on how to connect more deeply with the self.

Enjoy the journey!

Eugene Gendlin talks about focusing, this explores our deeper ‘felt’ sense and can help you to understand your body’s point of view:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7PEC5Mh5FY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmL4zjVi8Dk

Weary, Sad Goddess.

Sadness slips out of me and pools on the floor, it wants to be numb, but I can’t go there anymore, I have to feel it no matter how hard, how painful. I’ve felt worse, this is a gentle feeling although it still sucks the life out of you, let it be but don’t indulge it, for it may lead you into inertia and a downhill spiral that will leave you without breath in your body, or spirit in your soul. It’s a sense of loss that opens up a grey place where everything is hopeless and nobody ever wakes up or escapes. I used to get lost in that place but now I am merely a visitor, watching the scene and feeling it in my heart, but knowing I can leave at any time.

Crying Angel

Sleep will wash away the fog and bring me into a bright new day, the loss is for something I never actually had even for a moment, so how hard can the letting go be! Dear Goddess, I’ve been so very good, I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do, I’m following the path of spirit as best as I possibly can, is there not a long clear day for me sometime soon? Where I can rest on my laurels for a moment, and walk hand in hand with joy and not a care in the whole wide world, where the inner peace that is within me is filling me and flowing out into the world around me.

That day will be tomorrow, but until then I am in this place of bitter-sweet half regret, I have to keep feeling it and then letting it go, feeling and letting go, knowing that it is all a part of the process and that being alone is the biggest illusion of all. And yet that does not stop us from feeling the pain of loss, for who amongst us can lay claim to true sovereignty over self, true surrender to what is.

From a poem by Sir Thomas Wyatt

And wilt thou leave me thus,
That hath loved thee so long
In wealth and woe among?
And is thy heart so strong
As for to leave me thus?
I’m feeling better already, after all I am fair and square in the middle of an amazing community that loves and acknowledges me, bit hard to be abandoned or left behind.
I release the illusion of separation, I step into a life of community, love and nourishing support, so be it, so be it, so be it…………………………………..

Bodytalk.

And so the detox continues, my lips are still very dry and I’ve had a hint of a rash that is familiar to me, it turns up when I am processing very deep stuff, and often has an important message to convey. It’s only there in a very subtle form, no-one else would know but I feel quite itchy at times just under my bottom lip.

It would have been towards the end of 2003 when I was involved in intense shamanic training in bodywork and breathwork, that I experienced this rash in  a very intense form. I went to a talk by Nityama, a tantric master, just hugging him is enough to trigger an orgasmic state, I got a lot out of his talk on conscious relationships and it got me thinking about the relationship that I had supposedly ended just recently.

It was someone I had a deep bond with and love for, but it was definitely not a conscious relationship, I had ended it because I knew it was doomed but he was still coming to my bed, it can be hard to let go as I’m sure you all know! At the end of that talk I knew I had to finish it completely but a week later I still hadn’t done anything about it.

Then a day or two after a bodywork session this rash started to develop on my face, it was intensely itchy and I had little pustules that wept at night so I had to have a towel on my pillow. I still went to work, life modelling and working in a bookshop, I was determined to work out what the rash was telling me so I refused to suppress it with medication. This went on for four days and then I was talking with my dear buddy Ulli on the phone about it, and we were discussing the significance of where it was occurring on my body, she said, “What is you’re not facing?”

The penny dropped and as soon as I hung up on her I rang my ex and asked him to come visit, he wasn’t surprised when I said we had to finish completely, there was a sense of relief on both our parts. I went to bed that night and when I woke up the rash was well on the way to healing, I had got the message and taken appropriate action.

The message isn’t always as clear as on that occasion, but the body is always talking to us, and it has a deep wisdom we would be wise to tap into. In order to access this space it is necessary to do clearing on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels of our being. I’ve been engaged in this process since the beginning of 2000 but the good news is that for some of you it will be much quicker, I have had a lot of damage to clear which is often the case for those of us engaged in the healing arts.

Either way it is so worth doing, life just gets better and better, there is more joy, pleasure and fun to be had, in fact it’s infinite!! So go ahead and follow your bliss, that’s my plan!

From FaceBook.com/Quantumfractal

From FaceBook.com/Quantumfractal

Superfoods and Digital Watches.

Ok, so now its back to the subject of food, green smoothies and oil pulling both features of my current adventures into the pursuit of optimum health! With no power for two and a half days I went two whole days without my green smoothies and I really, really, missed them, HUGELY (not sure if that is a proper word but it expresses my feelings)! I had quinoa porridge with banana, sultanas, cinnamon and vanilla, luckily I have a gas cooker in my current house sit, so I could still cook and heat up water for cups of tea.

It was good food, but my body was crying out for its raw greens, fruit, probiotic, flaxseed oil, all that goodness that I’ve only been consuming for just under a month, but already I’m accustomed to it. Alright so I was also going through some pretty full on energetic shifts too, which can get you off kilter, but the point is that finding the right food can really support you in those kinds of processing. It’s all connected, body, mind and soul, it’s no accident that those words tend to come up as a threesome in all sorts of contexts, just try doing a google search on them, and you’ll see what I mean.

And tonight I made myself zucchini pasta for the first time, a really nice organic pasta sauce with some avocado thrown in at the last minute and garnished with grated goats cheddar. It was absolutely divine! This is the kind of simple recipe I need to work out if I am to move more strongly into the raw food journey, I’m not a lover of spending time in the kitchen, so it has to be nice and easy. When it’s mostly raw my body is sooooooo happy it sings!

The coconut oil I have been swishing seems to be giving me strange pimply things around my mouth and very dry lips, I tuned in and asked my higher self if this was ok, and was told it was part of the detox. In reading up about oil pulling, I read a report that some people find that coconut oil has a more intense detoxification effect, so maybe that’s how it is for me. I am taking a smaller amount in my mouth now, and the sores are slowly disappearing, hopefully the dry lips will also improve or I will have to invest in some lip balm. And maybe also consider switching to sesame oil, which is generally what is used in the Ayurvedic tradition that this practice hails from.

What an exciting adventure this is, how could anyone ever be bored in this amazing thing called life, on a small blue-green planet, in a rather unfashionable corner of the galaxy! Or as Douglas Adams once described this world:

“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.”
―    Douglas Adams,    The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

PS: I was never a fan of digital watches!

blue geen planet

Let’s Dance.

I sat in a medicine circle recently for most of a night and a morning and my visions were beautiful and the messages full of cheer! No more suffering for me, as I continue to shift my perceptions my journey shifts and the night is now a place of huge glittering skies full of stars rather than a long dark night of the soul. I played the part of ‘Misery’ in an impro show I put on with a friend some years ago now and I think that was an important letting go of an aspect of the ‘victim’ that I was embodying.

No more victim for me, I live in a world where the quantum field quivers with possibility ready to become that which my intention may manifest or not, it’s always a choice. I choose to embody my God/Goddess Self, the high priestess who commands great power and who leads through surrender, relational guidance and a flow of the earth’s wisdom through all levels of existence. I am Demeter, Lilith, Inanna, Athene, Aphrodite and Ceridwen, the feminine flows through me and it is a part of my task to offer this gift to others who wish to experience it.

So through readings, writings, conversations and energy exchanges, through sight and sound, a feeling through the “felt’ sense that is at my core, I shall make this offering to all the world and see who wants to play with me! In a way the title ‘Through the Vortex’ acknowledges the fact that I have entered into that space and am currently engaged in navigating my way through that place of whirling dervish, hindu chant, ancient prayers in all the old languages, place of frequency, merge of thought, feeling, body sense, spirit, connection to source, all that is.

It is time for a WORLD PARTY! St Germaine used to say ‘Until further notice, celebrate everything!’ A friend describes me as part party girl and part sensitive spiritual being and this feels quite accurate to me. Who better to help you to chill and let go of everything that stands in the way of your spirit dancing at a party held in the highest heaven of your heart.

LETS PARTY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

radha_krishna

We Are the Vortex.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jHsq36_NTU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Check this out, just as I am really focusing on the vortex somone sends out this clip from youtube which shows how our entire solar system and the way it moves through space is actually a vortex! There is something truly beautiful about the spiraling movement of the vortex, it reminds me of the shape of DNA, the double helix, simple and elegant, so well designed.

The body knows all of this as it moves through space, responding to music and to nature, and to the inner song that is also playing, the sweet symetry of movement that satisfies on so many different levels. And then if one is witnessed it becomes even more powerful, when truths present themselves to us we can ‘feel’ the authenticity.

spiral vortex        blue vortex        energy vortex        psychedelic vortex