I was reflecting the other day upon the butterfly theme that keeps cropping up in my posts on a fairly regular basis, for a time I considered it to be one of my totems. It probably isn’t so much these days, the snake has well and truly taken over that role, and it represents the really deep shedding from my core that’s been happening for the last two years, particularly since the summer solstice of 2012. The world may not have ended, but it certainly went through a huge shift, and for myself, I feel so different it’s as if the world did finish at that point in time.
But for a time in the early naughties the butterfly was my symbol, it represented transformation and freedom, I always loved the idea that the butterflies were tasting the petals with their feet as they danced from flower to flower. A butterfly came to visit me at the end of 2001 when my mother and I were setting up the stall for our last Woodford Folk Festival on Christmas Day. I kept shooing it out, the tent was baking hot and not a good place for such a delicate creature. I thought it had gone but towards the end of the day I found it, it had been determined to stay with us, and I was touched that it had chosen to spend its last day with me and mum.
Butterfly in flight.
I felt that the butterfly had come to tell me that it was my time to come out of the cocoon and to begin my transformation, I was about to do my first deep shamanic training starting on January 2nd, and so the timing was very significant. It was the beginning for me of fundamental change that came from a deep exploration of my being, and the release of cellular memory, the beginning of the long path home.
The deluge of rain began to lash and the wind howled like a werewolf worshiping the full moon. It got worse and worse at the film society where I spent the afternoon and evening and by the time I got home the power was off. It did come back on after about 10 minutes but when I got up in the morning it was off, and my sunday market was cancelled, no power at the hall and too dangerous for people to be out on the roads.
I was on the most amazing high all day sunday and part of the next day, the storm that was ripping through my town was reflecting the huge shift that was happening inside me. More details of that story to follow in future posts, but suffice to say that I have come back to myself, the change in me is huge and my mother reflected it to me when she said, “I feel like I’ve got you back as you once were as a child.”
Last night was another big release, I feel a little worn out today but I know that I am moving in a direction that will support me in doing the spiritual task that I am here to do. When it’s time for the caterpillar to come out of the cocoon there is a struggle, but without that struggle the butterfly’s wings will never develop and it will never be able to fly.
There is more to shed, I can feel it inside me close to the surface, ready to leave me so that my wings can spread out and so I can take flight. This is what the snake that came to me at the Solstice was telling me, that my transformation was almost upon me. I don’t know exactly what any of this will look like, but that it will be full of wonder and joy, of that I am certain.
I’ve broken my perfect record of a post every day but somehow that doesn’t seem to matter very much, the time without the usual distractions has been well spent. This period of being without electrical power has been an opportunity to tap into my personal power and even as I feel tears brimming at the edge of my being, I know that it will be joy that will follow their release.
Power comes from within us, from a source we all have access to no matter our situation, and now that I can truly say to myself, “I love you”, I have power beyond my wildest imaginings.
Butterfly in flight.