This week I’d like to talk about being a muse, also known as a director and general giver of good feedback as my Beloved embarks on a career of writing and performing poetry. As a theatre person from way back I find that I seem to have lots of great ideas about how the fabulous rainbow gnome can tweak and refine the intricate weaving of words that are positively tumbling out of his inspired creativity. And yes I am biased but I’m not the only fan, there are some who have already paid for a copy of the inaugural spoken word album that will be out very soon in the new year. I am encouraging my sweetheart to do whatever he can to make a business out of this enterprise. It does my heart good to see him poring over the words in a space of delight and focus, and if it could be a part of our income as well we would both be over the moon.
A celebrity style photo of my Beloved if ever I saw one!
There are so many ways forward on this path, performances, albums, books and online resources, who knows my darling may even end up doing workshops for kids. Personally I don’t mind as long as I can have fun playing director, a role that always used to scare me a bit when I was an acting student. In those days at the beginning of my twenties I would struggle to think of feedback and often got very anxious if I had to do that for someone. Now my ideas emerge quite organically and it’s an enjoyable and effective process that is just one of the many activities that we love doing together. It helps that I’ve had three years of intimate contact with my Beloved so that I know him very well but it’s also because of the enormous shift that’s happened inside me.
When you have low self-esteem if can sometimes be hard to even come up with what your needs or desires are, people ask you what you want and you really don’t have any idea. The path of re-building my confidence happened over a thirty year period and included many different methods of deep healing. In this process I gradually shed all the stuff that was in the way of me experiencing myself as a valuable and worthwhile person in the world. What has emerged is a quiet confidence that doesn’t need to ‘achieve’ anything in order to be happy and content in life. I’m focused on my sacred union and the pleasure that comes from that particular delight and upon all the other myriad blessings that my life abounds with. So when I simply sit and read my favourite faerie book the slight nagging sense that I should be doing something more worthwhile is gone and I am so much more relaxed than I used to be.
Of course I still get triggered by various situations and people on occasion, I’m improved but not perfect which is great as it provides numerous opportunities for learning. But when you are relaxed and comfortable being who you are it is much easier to draw upon your inner resources of creativity. And playing with the ideas as they dance up into the realms of possibility is something I want to do as much as I can. So bring on my Beloved’s wonderful words and the inspiration that they usher into being! And as soon as the album is ready I will let the world know.
This is my Beloved strutting his stuff at the Kenilworth Poets Breakfast last year.
It’s been a long journey of integration since we returned from Vipassana, and I have not felt like writing much. I’ve enjoyed doing some drawing and often with my Beloved, so nice to share a flowing, creative and spontaneous process with each other. I had a day in the flow as I shopped online for a blender and handed out some flyers, and felt the butterflies in my belly as the first “Buddha Meets Your Body” class here in our home town is on tomorrow. Our Facebook event link is: https://www.facebook.com/events/676253365851284/ I went shopping for dinner and sent my hard working man off to his men’s group with a belly full of baked fish, potato and carrot mash, and a salad. Veggies all organic, feel very happy where I live, beautiful people in this community who are kind and who care and embody that quality in their lives. I felt as I ate dinner tonight as if I had truly arrived in this funky little space of ours, after a deep, deep voyage that it has taken some time to come back from.
My Beloved and I at the door to our little hobbit home! Photo by Ulli Hansen.
So I think I will try to publish a post a week but it will come when it comes, I need motivation to do things regularly and it doesn’t come from routine for me. For me creativity tends to flow with the sweet chaos of the feminine and I love to improvise and be in the moment, and in my body especially. I have been having a super interesting time watching my thoughts, I can see how there is a tendency for them to flow in a not so supportive way. The more formal practice is starting to come, the plan is to do 20 minutes a day as well as starting every morning with 5 minutes of focusing on the breath. It feels like I am developing the facility of being informed about great injustice in the current system without adding unnecessary mental anguish to the equation. Just as the mental attitude adds more pain to the experience of pain in the body, we can be in really intense emotional pain that is part circumstance or situation and part mental. What we think about our situation really has an impact on how we feel, observe the sensations and let go of the story, then see what is left. Doesn’t mean there isn’t anything to do, it is not a recipe for being passive. It’s just up to you what you do, nobody can do everything.
At the moment it feels like I need to focus on “The Love Bubble Presents”, running classes with my Beloved is a lovely way to work in a group. I can do what I do well and leave a lot of the talking to him, I hold space and connect people to their bodies. The more we do the less nervous I may become but there is often an anticipation before stepping into a performance space which can help with the focus. And I really have had a lovely flowing day, the butterflies were simply a sensation I noted quite strongly earlier in the morning. There is a trace there now but it is just a sensation and it will pass, and that will leave the excitement at the unfolding of my Beloveds and my creative vision for a purposeful, prosperous life. The Facebook link for “The Love Bubble Presents” is:
This is me at Woodford on New Years Day 2016. Photo by the amazing Ulli Hansen.
My photo of my fire reborn!
The theme tonight is fire, death and rebirth, the power of three and the power of persistence, of never giving up………..just as love never stops or runs out. Anger, resentment, jealousy, pride and arrogance, even sorrow eventually will run out, but love just keeps on going. So if you can tap into that ocean which is always here you have become one with a power that is about as renewable as energy gets!
“The lover who leans upon the beloved’s response, his love is like the flame that needs oil to live; but the lover who stands on his own feet, is like the lantern of the sun that burns without oil.”
Hazrat Inayat Khan.
The Phoenix of flame rising from the ashes , hope burns eternal!
My beloved left a fire set for me to light as he would not be home until late, I treasure his delight in contributing to my happiness and enjoy a good fire so I set fire to paper before it was dark. All seemed well and I thought the fire was taking well but alas it failed, I girded my loins and mustered some fuel and managed to find a flame but again it seemed to die. After the third time I had almost given up but as I gazed at the fire I saw there was a bed of coals and the smaller log was glowing. I blew upon it and flames licked up, I coaxed the hot coals to deliver the heat that would finally get my fire going, the juices of my creativity that have been brewing in this lovers nest.
Look here my fire looks like a scene from outer space!
Oh what fun to explore the pathways of consciousness and connection and to share that with other beings, fellow seekers on the path of bliss and self-love. As we approach the Winter Solstice it is time to consider what you may be ready to shed, to let go of in the darkness of the longest night of the year, transforming into a rebirth as a new day dawns. But before that we have a Sagittarius Full Moon, the adventurous traveller and explorer of different realities inner and outer. The optimist who will always see the world as an exciting place to discover and who is therefore much more likely to be able to navigate turbulent times.
And we are living in tumultuous times, the possibility for positive change has never been so full even as we seem to see the dark forces triumphing over the poor and the helpless. Use your imagination to link with the powerful energies we are a part of and help us all to create the world we all want to live in, all of a sudden one day it will be here and there will be nothing that the ignorant can do about it. And perhaps even they will wake at the last, evolution ensures that we all will wake and flow through the process that eventually returns us to the unity that we have come from.
So be it, so be it, so be it.
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Tagged connection, consciousness, creativity, death and rebirth, energy, fire of love, Full Moon Sagittarius 2014, Hazrat Inayat Khan, self-love, unity, winter solstice
As you can probably tell I’m pretty damn happy at the moment, does that then imply an uninterrupted flow of uncomplicated simple happiness, with no light or shade anywhere, just feelings of luminous joy? For some of the time that’s a big YES, but life continues to move along and unless you’ve achieved full enlightenment then you will probably still get triggered sometimes. Not just by that which you perceive as negative but also by the moments of transcendent joy, nothing like a powerful explosion of light to show up and shake out any lingering darkness upon the soul.
It is somehow a bit more disconcerting to have those old butterflies mingling in my belly when I am so very aware of how truly amazing my life is, I mean why would I be doubtful when it is obvious that I am a very powerful manifestor indeed! Ok so I took ten years to sort my old patterns out so that I could finally attract a very different kind of relationship into my life but hey, some people never get there, and I learned lots of cool things along the way.
So I breathe into the stirrings down below and acknowledge any feelings associated with the movement of energy, seems to be a lot of insecurities that I somehow am not good enough, you would think I might have emptied that particular can of worms by now! Oh well, stay with the feeling and it will move on at some stage, leaving you lighter and more able to respond to life in the moment, the gift of the present that is always with us.
And who knows what the future may hold for us, might as well be here for the moment that is NOW, what you do then will determine the shape of what you are moving into anyway. So imagine your highest good and happiness, no holds barred, let your creativity shine a light into the darkest corners of self that you may shed anything that is no longer a part of the balance of things. Grow good intentions and love well, be a food forest for the depths of soul, yours and the whole planet, the entire cosmos, the fullness of creation itself.
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Tagged creativity, energy, feelings, highest good, imagine, intention, joy, love, manifestation, old patterns, soul, the present moment, trigger
Shifting from fear to wonder and riding the storm, short, sharp and intense, but no longer ushering in a dark sky that is wont to bring the clouds that prevent me from seeing my own bright light. The sense of doom sitting in the pit of my belly a relic of the past that I leave further behind with every breath, trusting that every step that I take is an integral part of the picture that I am painting in inner realms.
Trust, trust…………surrender to what is and move with my own precious flow, plucking the jewels that lie along the way, glittering like stars and offering me such a rich array of bounty. Within the deepest parts of self the sands are shifting, uncertain footing giving the illusion of shaky ground, a sense of falling……………turns to freedom and wings taking flight.
Letting go into the unknown as the heart’s wisdom opens door after door, fractal beauty speaks to my DNA and I AM so excited as creativity unfolds with each release of the force of life. Less and less do I resist, the creeping mist, burns off with morning’s rays, shining like the gleaming gold of treasure buried, of dragon’s hoard.
I am the treasure and I am found, I am here, homeward bound, I am here, sacred pure sound, I am the one receiving the sun, flower is open, time to have fun!
Speaking of dragons, we are about to meet Smaug, for fans of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, check out this trailer if you haven’t already!
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Tagged creativity, DNA, flow, freedom, heart, inner realms, light, prosperous, sacred, shift, sound, surrender, trust
Trusting……….that I am always connected to the source of all things, my heart blazing a path that wends its way through all kinds of landscapes. At times the way may be littered with rocks and pot holes, challenging me to be like water and to flow over and through without losing the essence that I am. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death……..I shall not falter, indeed I will embrace each ending as it doth present it’s face to me. And in the letting go of unnecessary things my life force will find new channels, the power of love and creativity making a fire that will burn forever.
Beginning always in stillness……….the vast empty space of creation beckons me unto the void, where there is nothing………. and yet all of the potential for manifestation lies in this emptiness. No need to do anything, being unfolds without direction and while I may open to desire, while I may know what I think I want, always shall I surrender to the higher wisdom that knows truth in a way that my ego can never imagine.
Bringing together my desire and the urging of spirit, my inspiration bursts forth and the bars of my prison are melting into joy…….glittering threads of destiny weaving a tapestry that sings a new song, as a fresh day dawns. The need to know is a fetter that shall chain me no more, I trust life, I trust myself, I am whole………… I will ever be a part of the spirit of God, Goddess, of all that is…….love is an ocean in which I shall swim for evermore, in and out-of-body, ’tis the spirit that goes on eternal, the flame that has no end, and no beginning……….
My gratitude overflows……….and I am at peace.
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Tagged creativity, destiny, ego, essence, gratitude, heart, life force, love, manifestation, peace, source, spirit, stillness, surrender, trust, wisdom
Embarking upon a journey into the swirling, twirling vortex that is the middle of every second week, slipping in a little footwork practice and a sleep before going off to find my attitude in strong poses and energy complete. Riding the wave of passionate expression I follow the winding path down the mountain and breathe a little sea air before hunkering down in the bunker, a welcoming warm shelter. It’s a matter of balance, of kindness, of care, do just enough to be alive fully but never push yourself beyond your capacity, whatever it may be.
I love riding the edge of what might be possible, testing the limits of how balanced I can be no matter what life may be throwing at me, brain working out as I follow the notes on a musical page and count the beat, rise to the note. Higher functions are operating and all is well as long as I can balance on that narrow edge, teeter a tad by all means but lets stay on the path and keep fanning the fires of creativity, the torrents of energy flowing over the cliffs, emotions letting go of their attachments.
My sea feels calm even when I can see stormy weather up ahead, the waves may be a bit big sometimes but if I can keep that calm centre within me holding it all together, I can ride out any storm. Just as well because I continue to add-on to the pile of what needs to be done by the end of the year, performance, costumes, the mastering of steps that seem to be forever in coming. The seeing, listening and enjoying of much good music, as well as the necessity of keeping the faith for all the Goddesses of the Dance by moving my body to good grooves on a regular basis.
That’s right, it’s supposed to be fun!
Someone should have reminded Judy Garland, here she is doing such a superb job of “Stormy Weather”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZfv1e2e7ug
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Tagged balance, creativity, dance, emotions, energy, Judy Garland, kindness, letting go, music, passion, Stormy Weather, Vortex
There is a stillness and an intensity about summer that sings its siren song through the cells of my body, along with the heat and the shrill sound of the cicadas, a part of me feels itself home. Times when young mind and body moved inside air conditioning to moist heat, to the perfection of the dry, dry warmth, and the cool, cool night. Holidays spent camping when it always seemed to be summer, and the months reached on and on into an endless time of sand and ocean wave, flies and christmas beetles.
Today I can feel a touch of cooler Spring air, yet the Summer rushes apace, couldn’t even properly wait for Winter to wrap up her icy wind and misty mien, she came she went, she is gone. The climate she be a changing as so we are told, how can we come into coherence with all things, that we may know the right thing to do for the much larger picture, reaching all the way to the black hole beyond the milky way. Treat everyone with respect is a good place to start, we all have important gifts to contribute to this beautiful space-time reality that we’ve currently agreed to participate in!
And be present in the moment you are in, mine is a summery flow that stretches out into eternity, it’s a day with no borders from the senses of a child, when summer never ends, or so it seems. And in this moment there is nothing to be stressed about, life is suspended like the dragon-fly in the air, sparkling bright orange in the sunlight before coming to land on the clothes line. Dragon fly brings me messages about transformation and consciously working with the light to create particular reflections, being adaptable and letting the emotions flow and be aligned with the mental body. The orange speaks to me of the sacral chakra and the continuing release and flow of my life force energy, creativity opening up in new pathways, and Aphrodite’s sweet presence warming my core.
Love and harmony to all, ohm shanti, shanti, shanti……….
Here are some summer thoughts from Josh Pyke:
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Tagged be present, creativity, dragon-fly, emotions, energy, life force, light, ocean, reality, sacral chakra, sand, summer, transformation
I am sitting here feeling like an empty canvas waiting for my inspirational muses to descend and to take me on a creative journey………mmmmmmmmm..so where on earth or in heaven have you got to my friends. Ahhhhhh, that’s it, where does the creative spark come from anyway? Whether you are writing or painting or even doing your best to organise an impossible schedule for the week, we all encounter those moments of utter blankness. Anyone who claims otherwise is a terrible liar and probably needs to deal with their deep issues of insecurity and self-esteem!
So here I am in that empty space feeling extremely blank, then all of a sudden the energy sweeps in and I am reminded of a half-formed idea that I was kicking around in the back of my brain. The question is what happened, how did I get from zero to flow in a matter of moments? The first part is to approach whatever it is you are trying to generate ideas about, so sit in front of the empty canvas or page and be present with whatever you are feeling. I felt a sensation in my heart and it was like the emptiness was physically present and expanding inside my body. Somehow from that place a spark of humour emerged and that spark was enough to get the energies moving again.
If you are really stuck then my advice would be to do anything, however ridiculous, whatever your medium let it roll out as a stream of consciousness and don’t feel like you have to make sense out of it. It’s the same principle as a good brain storming session, write down everything that comes up no matter how crazy it might appear, let your judgements step aside for the moment and allow your intuitive brain to run the show. That’s where our true genius lies after all, if it’s a quantum leap you are after that is the place to look for it.
With my inner world being a bit quieter at the moment I might have to test out a few methods for getting that creative flow happening, I will do the experiments and report back to you!
‘Aint life grand! Feeling like being in love with the whole of existence, my vibration is moving up and up, only incredibly beneficial things are attracted to this juicy vibe. And it’s not attached to somebody’s face, their being, their history, their mood swings, overly precious, their personality problems from the
Goddess knows how many lifetimes. I have quite enough of my own thank you very much! Actually that is becoming less and less true, so much of my trauma has been transformed, there is so much more room there now for fresh creativity and joy and partnership!
I open to the offering that is life, I embrace all living creatures on all levels of existence, I offer myself to life itself, dancing in the glow and flowing through a magical landscape created by me. This is where manifestation can get really powerful, I am seeing my special scene more and more keenly, it is a life where I am doing what I love and getting well paid for it, working mostly but not always from home. Home being somewhere 15 minutes in range of town but where you can hear the bell birds calling all day long. I live there with my Beloved and we spend time together and we spend time apart, life is good, both are doing our paths of spirit.
My relationship, my work, these are the paths of my spirit, the practice in life that helps me to become the practice, to know my methods so well that I become free of method, moving fully into a flowing life of spirit. I am many things, but I am a bridge, between the worlds, the different dimensions, between the inner spaces of the organs and the mind, between the humble and the great. I am that I am, that I am……………….. I hold the highest vibration, in my heart.
Love and blissings…………
This work, Conscious Sensuality, is beatiful and transformative, I did a day workshop and we went further in just one day than I could have possibly imagined.
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Tagged beloved, conscious sensuality, creativity, existence, flow, Goddess, heart, juicy, life, love, manifestation, partnership, relationship, spirit, transform, trauma, vibration