This week I’d like to talk about being a muse, also known as a director and general giver of good feedback as my Beloved embarks on a career of writing and performing poetry. As a theatre person from way back I find that I seem to have lots of great ideas about how the fabulous rainbow gnome can tweak and refine the intricate weaving of words that are positively tumbling out of his inspired creativity. And yes I am biased but I’m not the only fan, there are some who have already paid for a copy of the inaugural spoken word album that will be out very soon in the new year. I am encouraging my sweetheart to do whatever he can to make a business out of this enterprise. It does my heart good to see him poring over the words in a space of delight and focus, and if it could be a part of our income as well we would both be over the moon.
There are so many ways forward on this path, performances, albums, books and online resources, who knows my darling may even end up doing workshops for kids. Personally I don’t mind as long as I can have fun playing director, a role that always used to scare me a bit when I was an acting student. In those days at the beginning of my twenties I would struggle to think of feedback and often got very anxious if I had to do that for someone. Now my ideas emerge quite organically and it’s an enjoyable and effective process that is just one of the many activities that we love doing together. It helps that I’ve had three years of intimate contact with my Beloved so that I know him very well but it’s also because of the enormous shift that’s happened inside me.
When you have low self-esteem if can sometimes be hard to even come up with what your needs or desires are, people ask you what you want and you really don’t have any idea. The path of re-building my confidence happened over a thirty year period and included many different methods of deep healing. In this process I gradually shed all the stuff that was in the way of me experiencing myself as a valuable and worthwhile person in the world. What has emerged is a quiet confidence that doesn’t need to ‘achieve’ anything in order to be happy and content in life. I’m focused on my sacred union and the pleasure that comes from that particular delight and upon all the other myriad blessings that my life abounds with. So when I simply sit and read my favourite faerie book the slight nagging sense that I should be doing something more worthwhile is gone and I am so much more relaxed than I used to be.
Of course I still get triggered by various situations and people on occasion, I’m improved but not perfect which is great as it provides numerous opportunities for learning. But when you are relaxed and comfortable being who you are it is much easier to draw upon your inner resources of creativity. And playing with the ideas as they dance up into the realms of possibility is something I want to do as much as I can. So bring on my Beloved’s wonderful words and the inspiration that they usher into being! And as soon as the album is ready I will let the world know.