I’ve just had a series of sudden, surreal crisis moments, its like a picture gallery in my head that I can return to and view. In the first one both horses escape and the nearby neighbours come and help us get them back in. Then when coming home later that night from dropping my dear friend who came to dinner off in town, one of the horses got out again. In spite of being novice horse handlers we managed to get a halter on the old girl and we used her to lure the other cheeky bugger back inside, it worked!
Then today I decide to shower after doing the morning feed and was feeling good as I reached for my towel. Suddenly there’s a big spider on my right breast and I’m screaming and brushing it away and running into the hall. The spider of course has made itself scarce, nowhere to be seen and no doubt quivering in its boots as my Beloved checks the bathroom. Must have scared the bejesus out of that poor critter! And I forgot to mention the removal of two large spiders from the house, what is the spider telling me?
Spider medicine has encouraged me to write in the past but I do that three times a week when I offer my posts, so perhaps I need to reflect some more on this and see if I can find a meaning that helps me to navigate. There is always a lesson in everything and if you choose to view your life in that way then you tend to have a sense of meaning or purpose. On some level I know what the next step needs to be and if I can surrender to that then I flow with the energetic currents of where I am at in my life.
Swimming against the current is exhausting and will create undue stress. People cut off from their inner selves who are not following the path of the heart are likely to experience stress as they are not in touch with the whole of their nature.
So I have a bit to reflect and think upon, I will keep you posted!
The Prince and the Princess were shocked and fascinated by the tale that their mother wove for them over the breakfast breads and fruits, they almost couldn’t believe her, but she had never lied to them before and this story was almost too strange not to be true! The Prince wanted to go into battle and prove his manhood with his sword skills, but it did not seem that such weapons would be much good against an opponent that had no body as far as they could tell. The Princess frowned as she tried to recall a story told her by one of her wise teachers, of an old magician who lived up in the hills and was renowned for his talents in bygone days.
The Queen was so exhausted she decided to try and get some rest, while her children went riding off to find this man, to ask him if he could shed some light on this nightmare that was threatening the royal family. The Princess used a special crystal from the royal treasury to guide their journey, aligned with her intuition the stone managed to lead them straight to this man who was living all alone in a cave. He had heard the common folk speak well of their ruler, and so he was happy to be of service in this crisis, he had heard of this sort of thing happening before and had an inkling of what the cause might be.
The magician sat in the Queen’s bedroom and meditated for a very, very, long time, he was so still a mouse ran over his lap thinking him to be a statue rather than a man. When he stood up he had a fierce smile on his face, he asked for mirrors to be brought from all over the palace and placed all around the bed. That night the dark force came again to attack the Queen, and she woke as the darkness hit the mirrors, and some of them broke and there was a terrible loud noise as if it were storming inside the room. No one outside heard a thing but the magician had been keeping watch, and once again he was smiling with fierce joy.
The next day all the nobles stayed abed, it was as if a great plague had swept through their ranks, when they eventually emerged they all looked as if they had been run over by a wagon. One of the servants had disappeared from his bed, leaving a strange oily black ash behind, that the laundry woman despaired of ever washing out.
From this day forth the noble folk of the castle began to support the Queen in her modern ways, all their arrogance seemed to have been washed away and the kingdom became a much happier place than it had been. The Prince grew up to be a wise King and the Princess became a wise woman in her own right, the Magician went back to his cave satisfied with a job well done.
You see the dark forces that array against us can be beaten back, if just once, just once, they can be shown the emptiness, that lies where their hearts ought to be!
In my last post I referred to stuff moving, well it’s practically tumbling out of me and I am feeling such intense pain, and for once I don’t know what to do with it. I won’t bore you with the details but I found myself in a space where I couldn’t stop crying, and I knew in that moment that I needed to seek help. It’s wonderful to be self-reliant and to have lots of amazing tools at your disposal, but it’s also a sign of great wisdom to know when you need some outside support. Sometimes what’s going on in your inner journey is just too much for you to handle without someone to hold space for you, as you drop into wherever it is you need to go.
I am very accustomed to being able to deal with whatever is moving inside me, to be in a space where I really don’t know what to do is scary, I guess it’s how it is for many of the people I talk to on the crisis phone lines. I’m going to reach out for that help but I don’t know if it will be available at such short notice, this is really living in the moment and perhaps that’s why people get addicted to the things that cause them pain, it brings them into the present moment, pain really gives you focus.
The positive side of all this is that I have been in painful places before, and I know that I can not only make it through the dark tunnel, but thrive on the energies that are released as I let go of yet more of that which no longer serves me. And the reward is more ecstasy and joy, more free-flowing expression of creative energy, more happiness and connection with my community of beautiful souls.
One day your heart
will take you to your lover.
One day your soul
will carry you to the Beloved.
Don’t get lost in your pain,
know that one day
your pain will become your cure.
Rumi (From Rumi: Hidden Music, Thorsons 2001, p136)
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged community, connection, creative, crisis, ecstasy, energies, flow, focus, inner journey, joy, pain, wisdom
A major feature of my experience of these times we are living in is that anything you haven’t yet dealt with is going to be in your face. If you notice yourself having a big reaction to something that is not really in proportion to what has actually occurred then there is a fair chance that you are facing an opportunity to clear something big. This is when crisis can be a doorway to shedding the past and entering into new ways of being. A beautiful illustration of this can be seen in the chinese character for crisis, which is made up of two symbols, one means danger and the other means opportunity.
I am staring my attitude of lack and scarcity right in the face at the moment and I don’t like what I see or feel at all. This festive season has been good for me but there have also been some drawbacks and it is mostly to do with me not taking proper time off because I need to keep working, not because I am a workaholic but because there isn’t enough in the bank account.
According to the Laws of Manifestation I am not even supposed to be speaking of what I don’t have, I’ve always found that one a bit tricky and maybe that is why I haven’t made the big shift yet. For the truth is that I have made huge progress, the money that I do earn all comes through doing work that I enjoy, that gives meaning and purpose to my life.
So I sit with my feelings, and while the mind can help with intellectual understandings, it is the intuition coming from the heart that is truly my guiding light in the darkness of old fears and monsters under the bed. The heart has its own wisdom and there is a physiological basis for this, half the cells in our heart are identical to brain cells. Apparently they have discovered brain cells in the gut too, makes a lot of sense when you thing about ‘gut feelings’.
Just writing all of this helps me to shift my feelings somewhat, journalling is a wonderful self-development tool and one that I have used a lot over the years. It is a bit different doing it so publicly, I have a lot of shame over being in lack and to put it out where anyone can see feels very challenging. So be compassionate in your thoughts as you read this and I will try to do the same for myself.
With kindness and compassion and a huge dollop of gratitude for the abundance and beauty of life!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged attitude, compassion, crisis, gut feeling, heart, intuition, journalling, manifestation, opportunity, reaction, shedding, symbols