Tag Archives: death

Aside

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m creating in the world right now, and feeling the shape of it inside me. That’s how my process seems to unfold, the ingredients sort of mull around in the back of my … Continue reading

Focusing The Positive.

Life is good, of that I have not the slightest doubt, in the very heart and soul of my being I know that the corner has been turned, that I am on the homeward lap and it isn’t actually possible to stray off the path, for where else could I possibly be! Yet my day has been a journey through many different emotional landscapes, when you are challenging the very bedrock of your foundations there tends to be a response from the aspects of self that are terrified of dying.

The_grim_reaper

The kind of environment you inhabit is very important at times like this, I connect as much as I can with others who have a positive outlook on life, and who I can truly be myself with. But that isn’t always possible, and I was reminded today in a meditation by my higher self that it is common sense to put in energetic protection in order to not be taking on other people’s stuff. Nellie Nobody is very keen to take on the slightest possible suggestion that another might not approve of the measures I am taking to change my life, and so brings up whatever insecurities that may still be lurking inside.

And I bless her for her anxiety, she is helping me to shed anything that might get in the way of my personal golden age unfolding with grand fanfare and ecstatic celebration. When that job is over for her she can be in charge of making sure I never lose my humility, I have encountered very few people who I would truly consider to be masters, but the one thing they have all had in common was the ability to be completely ordinary.

This is one of those people, Master Zhang Hao, an amazing teacher based in Sydney, Australia: http://www.chihealing.com.au/index.html

This is one of those people, Master Zhang Hao, an amazing teacher based in Sydney, Australia: http://www.chihealing.com.au/index.html

So don’t be too hard on the parts of you that are trying to hold you back from being fully in your power, its more about redirecting their gifts rather than shutting them down. When I can be consistent in my focused intention of creating my new life, Fay Fairytale’s wondrous imagination is probably my greatest ally, if she’s wasting time on unproductive fantasies I have only myself to blame!

It’s from Gabrielle Roth the incredible dance shaman that I have borrowed these particular terms for the different parts of myself, I have a feeling that I’ve shared this quote with you before but it sums up the theme of this post so nicely I’m going to share it again:

“Life is sacred. Life is art. Life is sacred art. The art of sacred living means being a holy actor, acting from the soul rather than the ego. The soul is out of space and time and hence always available, an ever-present potential of our being. It is up to each of us to celebrate and to actualize our being and to turn each meal, conversation, outfit, letter, and so on, into art. Every mundane activity is an opportunity for full authentic self-expression. The soul is our artistic self, our capacity for transforming every dimension of our lives into art and theater.”

Maps to Ecstasy, Gabrielle Roth, Nataraj Publ, Novato, CA, 1989.

So lets hear it for the ordinary and the everyday, may we swoon over the dishes and make love to the earth as we pull up the weeds!

Here is a very famous death scene from Monty Pythons’s Meaning of Life, enjoy!

Love And Death.

Love and death are the great gifts that are passed on to us, that most of us leave unopened.

Maria Rainer Rilke.

The current paradigm of this world we live in tends to ignore many important aspects of being human, love and death, as Rilke points out, being two huge doorways that most of us barely even open, much less actually go through. Love gets talked about a lot, most of the songs on the hit parade tend to be variations on the old boy meets girl theme. But romantic love is only one tiny aspect of an energy that is the stuff that we are made of, by focusing our attention so narrowly, we are losing sight of a much bigger picture. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t have romance in your life, you’re just not limiting yourself by needing another person to access that place which is actually always there inside of you.

And death would have to be one of the biggest taboos of all, fancy ignoring, denying and cheapening something that is quite inevitable, the flip side of life and the keeper of the balance of all things. Regardless of how we have lived our lives, we will all die at some point, wouldn’t it be better to have some knowledge of the subject? How many people die suffering because of their fear and the inability to accept the death that has come upon them? It’s a subject that I need to look at myself, although I have thought about it and have some knowledge, I know that there is still some fear in me around dying. Something to explore in future posts!

If you don’t know Tuesdays With Morrie you might want to check out this movie trailer, it was made from a book of the same name and explores the process of dying through the relationship between a professor and his former student.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1N4W7_Qhao

Farewell My Love.

I come full circle, the knight goes on forever on his eternal quest for perfection, and I turn away from the fairytale and look upon the world as it is for me. I gaze upon this reality and I feel the resonance in my body, in my soul, held in the emptiness of the void of creation, containing all life, and the seeds for death and rebirth. I will open to what spirit brings unto me, without judgement, I will see beyond the veil, and I will see true.

Knight-1

The deepening of winter draws me into myself, but the space of the hermit is not for me, for I am the connector, the catalyst, that which brings change and shakes up the status quo. You may not see me but you will feel the energy of my creation, as I shine a light that illuminates a bright new path, the road that leads to a new kind of humanity, a new kind of life.

Behind me is the past, all of it, only that which serves will come on this road trip into the future, only the pearls, the swine will stay behind and root in the mud of eternity. My heart still aches gently for the loss of my knight, and yet I know that this parting is a part of what is meant to be, I knew it when we began, and I know it even more so now as we come full circle……….from the darkness into the light.

The Signpost.

I have known thee before,

a long time for evermore,

we have partnered in the dance

and we have loved.

I knew you then, and then, and then,

but for us the dance has changed,

we come together now as friends

and for me you show the way,

to open unto all that I BE,

as the New Age doth unfold,

you open the door and I walk through

my true love to behold.

Copyright Kerry Laizans February 2013.

Here is a beautiful song from Loreena McKennitt called ‘Full Circle’:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97nCHyL6VBw

Demolishing The Fairytale.

Feeling the emptiness of inner space, as the dust from the demolition crews begins to clear, my castles in the air are gone, and while there is a certain relief in that, there is also a hollow feeling. The castles were so pretty, but they had no substance at all, Fay Fairytale and I kept adding wings and suites, and decorating the halls with beautiful tapestries, but all to no avail. So now it’s time to be with the emptiness when that’s what is present, and to follow the passion of my heart at other times, filling up with inspiration and delight as I get excited about my life!

I feel a bit like two different people when I contemplate that vast empty inner space, one is happy to dive in and be without thought, the other feels a sense of loss and is frightened of letting go into the void. How can I bring these two into harmony, how can I reassure the ego self that what seems like death is actually a much bigger life, a place where it isn’t actually possible to lose anything. By surrendering to the flow of spirit, taking myself to the edge, with trance journeying that busts wide open that egoic construct that so many of us spend our lives contained within. There are lots of ways to do this, but ceremony in sacred space with meditation, music and movement, can take you into deep contemplation that helps you to gain perspective on your little dramas.

Smudging with sage.

Smudging with sage.

Or whichever doorway works for you, there are so many, you only have to start really looking and you will realise that the sacred is in everything we do. Keep reminding yourself of where you are in this moment, at the end of the day that moment is all you have, so don’t put too much energy into worrying about the past or the future. Be present and plan for miracles, life is so very good and things to laugh about abound all around us, particularly with the perspective I now have on recent events!

Laugh, drink and be merry!

live-love-laugh-eat-drink

Life And Death.

There’s been a bit of a theme in my life these past few weeks, and it’s one of the biggies, death, which is the other side of life, and something we don’t really talk about in this culture. Other cultures have whole books devoted to the subject of how to pass from life into death, I’m talking about ‘The Tibetan Book of the Dead’. I’ve never read it but it talks about all the different stages that happen as you go through the dying process, here we tend to deny even the possibility of death until the last-minute, and then get dragged kicking and screaming into something that terrifies us.

The_grim_reaper

Because I felt responsible for my father’s suicide, I’ve created this strange connection between sexuality and death, although I guess it’s not that strange, after all sexual energy is the life force and death is it’s opposite. Sort of like yin and yang, masculine and feminine, the sun and the moon, they complement each other to create a balance, without which life as we know it would not be possible. My sexual flowering seemed to result in my father’s death, not rational, but that’s what has been held inside me for all of these years, and an awful lot of my shedding this past month has been around that issue.

And as often happens it is reflected in a myriad of other ways, I had to bury a chook this morning, not far from the guinea pig’s grave. It was sad, but I didn’t feel responsible for the passing of either of these animals, I know I did my best for them and there is no guilt there for me at all. I take it as a sign that I am making real progress in the process of release, it may not all be cleared, but an awful lot has gone, no wonder it was so painful.

It’s as if the sun has come out after a time of stormy darkness, and the weather has actually reflected this with the stunning day of blue skies and sunshine that I’ve enjoyed today. I found this great film of one of the songs from the musical ‘Hair’, it’s kind of a flash mob version of ‘Let The Sunshine In’, hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Love and radiance to you all………sunny blissings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klObyJY1W_I

The Father Weeps.

raintrees

Winter descends with a grip grown icy, and begins to weep and weep, mirroring my own deep sadness, gentle, but pervading my entire being, soft and spiraling down. Every new beginning contains the end of all manner of things, as I move through this transition with as much grace as I can muster, almost gliding along at times.

The death of a small animal that was mine to care for, the death of a dream that was never actually mine, the shifts and changes in relationship and the opening of new doorways. What seemed exciting the day before is hollowed out by nature’s sobbing, the deep relaxation found in the meditation at the end of my morning practice is still there inside me, a huge white space that holds the promise of freedom, yet feels cold.

This is not misery nor despair, it is not loss nor is it abandonment. The truth is that this is not completely mine, I take responsiblity for the emptiness for that is where I source my true power, ’tis where my fullness lies. But the sadness comes from another, a deep connection that does not want to be severed, it fears to embrace the glory of the fullness that was open to its seeking tendrils, yet neither can it let go. Attraction and repulsion playing an inner tug of war beneath the level of conscious awareness, am I perhaps going into madness, and yet my intuition is quite sure of what it knows.

From Oracle of the Dragonfae by Lucy Cavendish.

From Oracle of the Dragonfae by Lucy Cavendish.

Before I sat down to write I took a card from Lucy Cavendish’s Oracle of the Dragonfae, Gwynne and Elluish, which told me that my connection to nature is getting stronger and that my intuition is growing with it, and that I will be receiving messages from my own inner knowing that I can trust. So I tend to believe what is coming to me in the way of that knowledge and I break that deep connection with much love and great respect, there will always be love, after all, where could it go?

And as I do this the sadness begins to lift, leaving only the emptiness…………..pregnant with the dawn of a new day that is almost ready to peep over the horizon………..my inner smile grows……as Father Sky continues to weep and weep.