Tag Archives: doorways

Love And Death.

Love and death are the great gifts that are passed on to us, that most of us leave unopened.

Maria Rainer Rilke.

The current paradigm of this world we live in tends to ignore many important aspects of being human, love and death, as Rilke points out, being two huge doorways that most of us barely even open, much less actually go through. Love gets talked about a lot, most of the songs on the hit parade tend to be variations on the old boy meets girl theme. But romantic love is only one tiny aspect of an energy that is the stuff that we are made of, by focusing our attention so narrowly, we are losing sight of a much bigger picture. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t have romance in your life, you’re just not limiting yourself by needing another person to access that place which is actually always there inside of you.

And death would have to be one of the biggest taboos of all, fancy ignoring, denying and cheapening something that is quite inevitable, the flip side of life and the keeper of the balance of all things. Regardless of how we have lived our lives, we will all die at some point, wouldn’t it be better to have some knowledge of the subject? How many people die suffering because of their fear and the inability to accept the death that has come upon them? It’s a subject that I need to look at myself, although I have thought about it and have some knowledge, I know that there is still some fear in me around dying. Something to explore in future posts!

If you don’t know Tuesdays With Morrie you might want to check out this movie trailer, it was made from a book of the same name and explores the process of dying through the relationship between a professor and his former student.


The Father Weeps.


Winter descends with a grip grown icy, and begins to weep and weep, mirroring my own deep sadness, gentle, but pervading my entire being, soft and spiraling down. Every new beginning contains the end of all manner of things, as I move through this transition with as much grace as I can muster, almost gliding along at times.

The death of a small animal that was mine to care for, the death of a dream that was never actually mine, the shifts and changes in relationship and the opening of new doorways. What seemed exciting the day before is hollowed out by nature’s sobbing, the deep relaxation found in the meditation at the end of my morning practice is still there inside me, a huge white space that holds the promise of freedom, yet feels cold.

This is not misery nor despair, it is not loss nor is it abandonment. The truth is that this is not completely mine, I take responsiblity for the emptiness for that is where I source my true power, ’tis where my fullness lies. But the sadness comes from another, a deep connection that does not want to be severed, it fears to embrace the glory of the fullness that was open to its seeking tendrils, yet neither can it let go. Attraction and repulsion playing an inner tug of war beneath the level of conscious awareness, am I perhaps going into madness, and yet my intuition is quite sure of what it knows.

From Oracle of the Dragonfae by Lucy Cavendish.

From Oracle of the Dragonfae by Lucy Cavendish.

Before I sat down to write I took a card from Lucy Cavendish’s Oracle of the Dragonfae, Gwynne and Elluish, which told me that my connection to nature is getting stronger and that my intuition is growing with it, and that I will be receiving messages from my own inner knowing that I can trust. So I tend to believe what is coming to me in the way of that knowledge and I break that deep connection with much love and great respect, there will always be love, after all, where could it go?

And as I do this the sadness begins to lift, leaving only the emptiness…………..pregnant with the dawn of a new day that is almost ready to peep over the horizon………..my inner smile grows……as Father Sky continues to weep and weep.

Doorways To Peace.

The official opening of my local community centre brought even more people to town for a saturday than usual, and a regular saturday is pretty busy. On an autumn day that was hot enough to be high summer the music spilled out on to the pavement, people filling the hall and the cafes, a wondrous spirit of celebration infusing the sultry air.

I sang with my choir in the morning, we are all women and we call ourselves Sweet Chilli, on this particular day we were ‘hot’ chilli in more ways than one. Singing is such a joyful expression of creativity and also of craft, to be on the right note so that yummy harmonies emerge requires a well focused pair of frontal lobes!


I sang, I mingled, I checked out the art market where my mother had her art work, and then off to the Harvest Moon Festival to sing once again with my gorgeous choir. By the time I got home I felt that peace that I was talking about in my last post, the cells of my body tingled pleasantly and I had a sense of being complete.

There are many doorways to inner peace, but having fun, expressing your creativity, and connecting with beautiful people, are particularly nice paths to take. The most important aspect of any of the myriad openings to that precious stillness, is that your heart be engaged and open.


If you find yourself moving out of that heart space, try breathing in and out of your heart for a bit with your eyes closed. As your heart softens and you sink into it, begin to radiate that love out into the world. I guarantee that you will begin to feel much happier and whatever took you away from that place will not seem quite so bad.

Be in your heart, be love……….

Shanti, shanti, shanti…………..

Peace, peace, peace……………..

Here is a brief clip of Sweet Chilli at the Maleny Music Weekend last year, this was my first gig with them!


It’s Just a Ride.

There hasn’t been much about toning in my posts so far, and yet it’s an incredibly important part of who I am. Like moving into the dance, toning is something I feel with my whole being, I become the sound, and the sound is who I am. It was an important part of my healing when I injured my shoulders in 2009, I toned every day for 5 months and the sounds that began to emerge were at times astonishing!

I don’t do perfect harmonics on cue, they come and they go, and what matters is the journey into another reality. Sound is definitely one of the doorways to other dimensions, my dear friend Ulli and I always joke, that it’s our favourite way to get bent. So why don’t I do it every day? Good question, there never seems to be enough time to do everything I want to do, and yet I know that’s a poor response, I know I can do better than that.

I’ve noticed that when I get really busy with work, I actually seem to get more done, something I’ve often heard from others, so I think it’s a fairly common experience. I need to organise my time better, regardless of how many hours I’m working, maybe a daily schedule would be helpful, although the Aquarian in me rebels against such a notion. But the part of me that has two planets in Virgo quite likes the idea, so perhaps I can find a balance between the two.

And in that schedule there will be slots for toning and writing, I did a practice last year where I meditated in silence, then toned, and then wrote from that space, and it was really fascinating to see what came out of the process. I always work with a strong intention, one that I used a lot at that time was:

I open to deeper connection with my larger self, as more and more of my life’s purpose is illuminated and revealed, I live that purpose to the full!

There is no doubt that I am living more of my purpose, but there is always more, more depth, more pleasure, more fun to be had. And if life seems too hard, too stressful, and you think that the power resides everywhere, but inside you, then please remember, it’s just a ride!


Dream A Little Dream.

I’m thinking about my Beloved again, not sure if those thoughts were what kept me awake for three hours the other night, but sleep was certainly elusive. I would feel myself starting to slip into that relaxed space where everything begins to soften, and thoughts drift gradually away, until, in a moment one can never pin down, you are gone into the realms of sleep.

I don’t often remember my dreams, as a child I would make dreams up to tell the other kids, because I felt left out when they described their wonderful nightly excursions into fantasy. For my first assignment doing my graduate diploma in counselling I used Freudian techniques to explore a fragment I remembered from a nightmare, and it was such a powerful process I was getting physical symptoms as I tried to write. There is no doubt that dreams can help us to try and make sense of our experiences and feelings, but it is only one of the doorways.

I could do things to help me to remember dreams but it has never drawn me very strongly, I would rather meditate or do a trance journey. That does keep coming back to me very strongly indeed, I need to be doing a regular practice along with my yoga, and green smoothies, and all the various things I do to take care of myself.

I think there is a message trying to get through, and so I need to create sacred space within myself, in order to receive the gift of knowledge. And I am fairly sure that it has to do with my Beloved and with my spiritual task, the freeing up of my life force energy that is required for my journey to proceed, the opening of my heart.

I saw myself with my beloved as I lay sleepless, and at one point I got up to write about what that felt like, here it is: We fell into each other’s energy fields like we were coming home to roost, so easy, so comfortable. As if a thousand lives entwined us through the ages, and our souls knew every nuance of every moment, inscribed upon our hearts for evermore.

Oh my Beloved…………………………………


Smart Belly.

In my perfect world I left the festival and discovered that my car battery was flat, an encounter with some Woodfordian Angels provided jumper leads so I could get home. All’s well that ends well? Not entirely, my brake lights won’t go off and although it’s a simple repair my mechanic is away on holiday for another week.

I need to use my imagination to create the outcome that I desire, sounds easy doesn’t it but what do I actually do? Taking the process step by step I start by considering possibilities as indeed I have been doing, I begin to make enquiries and already they have borne fruit as I now have the names of a few mobile mechanics.

Once again I meet the part of myself that creates scarcity, a mobile mechanic is probably going to cost a lot more than just going to my regular guy would, yet it would be a very simple if more expensive solution. There are other ways of solving the problem, I may be able to borrow a car for a week and wait for my mechanic to come back. There are no right or wrong choices here, simply different paths all leading to the desired outcome.

It’s a bit like all the different doorways that lead to the realm of spirit, of unity and of love, no matter which door you take you will end up there. After I finished writing that last sentence I paused, and as I read it again I really felt those words in my body, and a little of the anxiety in my belly was eased. Then I toned for a minute and a little more ease crept in, I almost feel a bit light-headed and I am reminding myself that I always find a way through every situation I encounter, after all I’m still here aren’t I! When I imagine it often comes through my kinesthetic or body sense rather than a visual, hey, whatever works is fine by me!

Just to provide a sequel, I did find a mechanic open for business but ended up going with the mobile mechanic who infused me with confidence when I spoke to him. I went with my gut feeling and I reckon those neurons in my belly are pretty smart!

Smart Belly, not so sure about the brain! Photo by Ulli Hansen.

Smart Belly, not so sure about the brain! Photo by Ulli Hansen.