Tag Archives: ecstasy

The Burning Of The Feminine.

Somewhere between ecstasy and despair lies the deepest peace, as they say in the bible, the peace that passeth all understanding, it is the place where there is no thought. And where there is no thought there can be no reason to suffer, it is a stillness that holds us without judgement, a place where we can experience complete and unconditional acceptance of who we be. In all our glory and magnificence, with all our warts and dis-ease, the shadow and the light can be together without shame, becoming whole, and in that process an integration occurs that transforms our egoic small selves into something large and mysterious.

To get to this place we must be prepared to journey to the furthest reaches of delight and to the deepest pits of the darkest hell, knowing all this time that it is our own creation, all of it. As I take responsibility for my own manifestation in all it’s light and shade, like a coat of many colours or a multi faceted crystal, I feel a sense of liberation. The lighter I become the easier it will be for my newly formed wings to rise and catch the wind, to lift me from the life lived in half measures, to the fullness of the starry starry night. The moon smiles at me and invites me for  a visit, she holds a vision of my transformation that comes from the deep and mysterious realms of the feminine soul, that hard softness that will save the world if we let it.

Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inanna…………………..

Please take a look at the beautiful images that accompany this version of The Burning Times, that period in history when the feminine was under intense attack from all sides, particularly from the catholic church.




In my last post I referred to stuff moving, well it’s practically tumbling out of me and I am feeling such intense pain, and for once I don’t know what to do with it. I won’t bore you with the details but I found myself in a space where I couldn’t stop crying, and I knew in that moment that I needed to seek help. It’s wonderful to be self-reliant and to have lots of amazing tools at your disposal, but  it’s also a sign of great wisdom to know when you need some outside support. Sometimes what’s going on in your inner journey is just too much for you to handle without someone to hold space for you, as you drop into wherever it is you need to go.

I am very accustomed to being able to deal with whatever is moving inside me, to be in a space where I really don’t know what to do is scary, I guess it’s how it is for many of the people I talk to on the crisis phone lines. I’m going to reach out for that help but I don’t know if it will be available at such short notice, this is really living in the moment and perhaps that’s why people get addicted to the things that cause them pain, it brings them into the present moment, pain really gives you focus.

The positive side of all this is that I have been in painful places before, and I know that I can not only make it through the dark tunnel, but thrive on the energies that are released as I let go of yet more of that which no longer serves me. And the reward is more ecstasy and joy, more free-flowing expression of creative energy, more happiness and connection with my community of beautiful souls.

One day your heart

will take you to your lover.

One day your soul

will carry you to the Beloved.

Don’t get lost in your pain,

know that one day

your pain will become your cure.

Rumi (From Rumi: Hidden Music, Thorsons 2001, p136)


From Bliss To Butterflies.

Last week was huge for me, I had three shifts which I would classify as small, large and earth shattering! There was grief in the letting go, fear of loss, and a deep sense of being utterly unworthy to allow myself to fully experience pleasure without condition. The end result was that I was in a state of utter bliss even though I had only had 8 hours sleep in two days. Once again my life force energy is flowing ever more freely and I embrace the joy of being with all my heart.

So I was thinking a week of integration would probably be a good idea, I slept in yesterday, got up and did my oil pulling, an hour of yoga, and then had my green smoothie.  Just when I think I know what the plan is it all changes, all of a sudden a house sit that didn’t happen is on again at short notice for an indeterminate time. It’s good news really, but then I find myself sitting and writing and the sense of stuff moving in my belly is back, it’s like what some people call butterflies but there isn’t anything to be nervous about.

I love my life, but I do have moments when I wonder about this constant processing, why can’t I have longer periods of clarity before things start getting triggered again! The answer is simple but I don’t have to like it, I just happen to have a lot of trauma, in layer upon layer, and I have an obsessive need to keep clearing it away. Can I really heal everything in this lifetime? There are some who would say that’s a crazy ambition, but even though I might have some complaints about the details at times, I keep moving into deeper states of ecstasy, and I am happy most of the time even when I have uncomfortable stuff moving through.

So I guess I will just have to integrate and process simultaneously, after all I do describe myself as a shamanic practitioner and shamans are the ultimate interdimensional multi-taskers!

Shamans transmit to their people in sign, song, and dance the nature of the cosmic geography that has been revealed to them in the process of initiation trances and soul journeys. Map-makers and myth-dancers, shamans live internally in a multi-dimensional realm continuous with so-called ordinary reality.

Joan Halifax (Shaman: The Wounded Healer, New York, Crossroad, 1982. P 66.)


Tantra! (Did I get your attention?)

When I move into a yoga pose my body feels like it’s doing something that is so familiar, I swear I must have spent a lot of time over the eons in ashrams doing the practice. Having only done the odd class here and there I really threw myself into a regular practice in 2001, and I didn’t attend a single class!

It was my last few months in Brisbane before moving to Sydney and I was escaping to Byron Bay a lot on the weekends. There was a beautiful young yogini where I stayed, and when she got up at 6am to do her yoga, I got up too and followed her movements. She never instructed me, my body seemed to know what to do, what I really learned from her was how to focus my inward gaze, to move into sacred space.

And from that point on I was obsessed, I did an hour of yoga every day, I was also doing long walks and even running, it was a time of becoming extremely fit. Not something I have continued to keep up, but yoga has been a regular part of my life ever since, I stretch most days but I hadn’t been to a class for years until the other day.

The class went for two hours and it was an invitation to gaze into my inner spaces, tune into the flow of energy in my body, ahhhhhh I was in ecstasy! There is something about practicing yoga in a group with a good teacher, that can take you places it’s much harder to go on your own. I have been there in my solitary practice, but I have never kept it up for as long as two hours, and I can get a bit lazy with my focus.

I set my intention to integrate all the shifts and changes that have been happening for me lately, I also added in the part about me blossoming from the tree of self. It is such a wonderful metaphor, whenever I think of it I see huge brightly coloured flowers bursting forth, embracing the sunlight and radiating joy. I’ve asked spirit to keep my wednesday mornings free as much as possible so I can keep going to this class, my intuition tells me that it is a vital part of my integration.

I will speak more on integration at another time, it’s as important as having the release but often doesn’t get as much air play, maybe it doesn’t seem as sexy! After all, we all know sex sells, add the word tantra to your workshop and you will get people’s attention even if they don’t book in.

At the end of the day it all has a lot to do with sex, but not necessarily in the obvious way, when you release and integrate, you are freeing up life force energy, which is just another name for your sexual energy. I felt full of joy and quite orgasmic after my yoga class, the orgasm was happening in my heart chakra and there is nothing quite as delicious, mmmmmmmm think I might have another helping of that!