Tag Archives: feelings

Imagine Your Highest Good: Grow Good Intention!

Posted on December 22, 2013 | 4 comments

SupernovaAs you can probably tell I’m pretty damn happy at the moment, does that then imply an uninterrupted flow of uncomplicated simple happiness, with no light or shade anywhere, just feelings of luminous joy? For some of the time that’s a big YES, but life continues to move along and unless you’ve achieved full enlightenment then you will probably still get triggered sometimes. Not just by that which you perceive as negative but also by the moments of transcendent joy, nothing like a powerful explosion of light to show up and shake out any lingering darkness upon the soul.

It is somehow a bit more disconcerting to have those old butterflies mingling in my belly when I am so very aware of how truly amazing my life is, I mean why would I be doubtful when it is obvious that I am a very powerful manifestor indeed! Ok so I took ten years to sort my old patterns out so that I could finally attract a very different kind of relationship into my life but hey, some people never get there, and I learned lots of cool things along the way.

dancing with butterflies

So I breathe into the stirrings down below and acknowledge any feelings associated with the movement of energy, seems to be a lot of insecurities that I somehow am not good enough, you would think I might have emptied that particular can of worms by now! Oh well, stay with the feeling and it will move on at some stage, leaving you lighter and more able to respond to life in the moment, the gift of the present that is always with us.

sunclouds

And who knows what the future may hold for us, might as well be here for the moment that is NOW, what you do then will determine the shape of what you are moving into anyway. So imagine your highest good and happiness, no holds barred, let your creativity shine a light into the darkest corners of self that you may shed anything that is no longer a part of the balance of things. Grow good intentions and love well, be a food forest for the depths of soul, yours and the whole planet, the entire cosmos, the fullness of creation itself.

Namaste.

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Dark Nights And Bright New Days.

Posted on November 29, 2013 | Leave a comment

I am in the flow for sure, but what if your flow is a whirlpool spinning you madly as you head towards the rapids with you know not what waiting, maybe a drop into a waterfall. That might be an amazing experience as you fall through, drops of water sparkling with the sunshine beaming through and rainbows glittering, a safe landing into the next pool of life is an exciting journey. Stay in your heart and trust is an important key, one thing at a time even if you have a lot of things to accomplish in a day.

waterfallrainbow

Let there be stillness even in a busy day, find it in yourself if it isn’t in the environment around you and you are unable to make a change. Connect to nature even if it is simply a piece of wood, a flower or perhaps the leaf of a potted plant, if you can get your bare feet in the earth even better. That stillness is always within your being, let the mind relax and beyond the chatter is a great still pool that is never really disturbed, we sometimes lose our connection with it and from this stems a tide of people who feel unfulfilled. Somewhere in their sleeping is the knowledge that there is more at greater depth, but their fear holds them back, they pretend to know but it is naught but a pretty facade once one has seen through it.

stillness2

How would it be to remain without tuning in to that deeper place that our feelings can take us to, if we have the courage to sit with them no matter what they might be. Anger, fear, jealousy and resentment, grief and loss……….who wants to sit with that! But if you do you will begin to go deeper than ever you knew was possible, moving the veil aside so that all potential is revealed, the quantum soup, zero point field. You don’t have to dive in as deeply as I did into a Dark Night of the Soul that felt at times like the very pits of Hades, not fun but ultimately enlightening!

consciouslove

When you have shared time with another soul in those incandescent places where hearts are open and you are honestly questing for more and more life, there is a deeper connection that doesn’t even really need words. To be in a community much like that, well you know I actually live somewhere a bit like that, life here is a blessing in the vibrant and creative life bursting from all sides.

Thank you Mother Earth for your bounty, Father Sky for the sunshine and the air, thank you life, ohm shanti, shanti, shanti……………………

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Bug Wars.

Posted on September 30, 2013 | Leave a comment

Once again I find myself dancing with the bug that keeps coming back to haunt me, if things really do come in threes lets hope that this is the last time! I’m feeling much better since my counselling session last week and doing my best to take care of myself while still doing the things that need to be done. I’ve been working on my writing project as well as reading “The Art of Non-Conformity” and inspiration is flowing, although as I sit here writing this post there are butterflies dancing wildly in my belly.

dancing with butterflies

I didn’t wake up with this feeling and am not sure what triggered it, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter what it was. I could say it was a thought that obviously didn’t serve me but that wouldn’t actually be accurate, whatever is moving in me needs to move on, and the trigger is a necessary part of the clearing process, so I bless and honour it. But I don’t enjoy the feeling at all, in my days of unconsciousness this is what would drive me to try to blot everything out by getting stoned or drunk.

Now I sit with the feelings and breathe, bringing the notion of devotion into the equation, devotion to my healing process, to the sharing in this blog, devotion to all the special people in my community, and one in particular who is having a birthday today. As I do this the energy in my belly moves out into my arms and legs, and then starts radiating out into the aether as if I have become a small sun. I begin to breathe in and out of my heart and what was a kind of anxiety has transformed into excitement and anticipation. Now I’m feeling a bit light-headed and there is a sense in my body almost as if I could start to levitate!

Wow, what an interesting and quite spontaneous shift! The imagination is a marvelous gift and if you allow it free rein it can take you anywhere you need to go, a good reminder for me as I continue with my writing project and the development of this blog.  And my sense is that if I can balance self-care with doing the things I am passionate about I will win the battle of the bug, so be warned denizens of the micro world, this gal is no push over, her immunity is strong!

cartoon-bug

Balance is the theme here as we are heading towards a New Moon in Libra next saturday, but more on that subject later, for now farewell dear friends, good health to you all!

PS: When I finish this post I am going to go for a brisk walk, excited energy is needing to be channelled, transformation of anxious energy motivating even more self-care!

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The Movie Inside.

Posted on August 24, 2013 | Leave a comment

A few posts ago I told the story of how I shifted some deep feelings that had been triggered in my yoga class (Goodbye Sweetheart: 21 Aug 2013), it was on this occasion a fairly quick process. This has not always been the case for me and even now I come up against resistance to letting go of my stuff, it isn’t the brick wall that it used to be but it can still be a challenge to move through. With the sorrow that I described that was in my heart, I did notice that there was a part of me that wanted to hold on to that feeling.

Akhundova Samra: A photographer who captures spiritual experiences with her art. http://samraakhundova.wix.com/samra-art-design

Akhundova Samra: A photographer who captures spiritual experiences with her art. http://samraakhundova.wix.com/samra-art-design

When dealing with unexpressed emotions from the past it is sometimes necessary to wallow a bit in that sea of grief or whatever it is that is coming up for you. Give the feeling its full expression and then let it go, that’s the theory but in practice it isn’t always quite so easy. I’ve known people who work on themselves constantly who become addicted to the process of bringing the feelings up but can never seem to actually release them. It’s as if these feelings and the story that they are attached to is so much a part of who they are, on some level they fear that by letting go they will lose their identity.

So the actual letting go part, how do you do it? As a kinesthetic person I feel it in my body, bring my awareness to wherever it is in my body, usually in the belly or the heart. Then I might breathe or tone into that part of my body, or I might use a visualisation as I did with the sorrow, seeing it as a mist and putting it into a sparkling bottle. Your imagination is an important tool in any kind of inner work, a key ingredient for creating change, Einstein said:

“Your imagination is a preview of life’s coming attractions.”

Albert Einstein.

Albert Einstein.

You do need to be committed (not to an asylum!) and to be prepared to give yourself focused time to drop into the parts of you that lie beneath the surface. I found it easier to create the time for that kind of thing after giving up television which I pretty much stopped watching twelve years ago. Try shifting your perception of what it is to spend time dropping within, don’t see it as work, it can be lots of fun even as it challenges and confronts. And the clarity and energy and joy that emerges the more that you heal that which is incomplete, the ecstasy of feeling whole and connected to all things, it’s better than any tv show I ever saw.

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Anger Is Good!

Posted on July 18, 2013 | Leave a comment

What a long way I’ve come in twenty years of exploring strange new inner frontiers, not that I can’t be taken aback or frightened, but I take my courage in both hands and learn how to navigate! I had an example of this tonight when that dark energy had another go at infiltrating my space, it’s very subtle, I start to get negative thoughts that if followed, could spiral me down into dark chasms. I know it wasn’t me, because as soon as I realised what was going on I did my protection, and those thoughts disappeared instantly. It’s a very empowering place to be, and rather satisfying when I think of the frustration that must be on the other end of that energy, I know I’m supposed to be above all that but you know what, I’m happy be imperfect in this instance, it feels GREAT!

angermeditation

I guess I am still angry about what happened to me and it is ok to be angry sometimes, just as long as you keep that person in your heart. I used to think that anger was a ‘bad’ emotion, but as a response to behaviour that is out of integrity it is quite reasonable and in fact it helps to give you back bone. I had a lot of trouble standing up for myself before I began to access and allow that anger to come up, it can still be a challenge sometimes but its like anything, the more that you do it the better you get! So I always try to remember to have gratitude for those who help me to strengthen my back bone.

This video gives a very clear explanation about the difference between good and bad anger, my mother had a violent drunken father and she came out of that thinking that anger was not a useful feeling. So anger was not ok in my family and it has been a long journey to learn how to express that particular feeling, I’m not complaining by the way, there have been lots of interesting lessons on the way and I am much wiser and more empathic for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YXckuzCw2Q

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Let The Grief Go.

Posted on July 15, 2013 | Leave a comment

Even before I began my conscious shamanic journey, I was beginning to develop that larger part of self, through tarot readings, automatic writing, and an instinctive urge to express long suppressed feelings. I had no idea what I was doing, but I followed my intuition and flowed into the places that it took me to. I wrote poetry to express what I was feeling, and that really came in handy when Ayrton Senna was killed in front of my eyes on a race track in Italy in 1994.

Ayrton Senna.

Ayrton Senna.

I had been obsessed with him, and I was totally grief stricken for weeks afterwards, I cried and cried and wrote many poems to express the intensity of my feelings. At the time I was focused on the loss of this man who had been a kind of role model for me, I was certainly attracted to him but it was his passionate determination to be himself no matter what anyone else thought, and his integrity that truly inspired me. I know now that while I was genuinely grieving for Ayrton, along with thousands of people around the globe, I was also releasing grief for my father.

Malidoma Patrice Some.

Malidoma Patrice Some.

This concept is well understood in the village that Malidoma Some comes from, he describes a ritual where the immediate family has carers to keep them from harm, so that they can completely let go in their grief. The entire community participates, and there is an understanding that this is an opportunity to release any feelings that people may be holding on to from the past. What a refreshing view of the healing power of strong emotions expressed in the moment, how much would our constipated, uptight, overly structured and regulated society benefit from such practices!

malidomasomebook

Malidoma Some is an African shaman who brings the knowledge of his people to the Western culture, he is a bridge between the worlds, read his book “Of Water And The Spirit”, you won’t be able to put it down.

And even if you are not into car racing you will love this documentary about Ayrton Senna, my mum loved it and she hates sport!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFzx2PnBhYc

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Peace And Sunshine.

Posted on July 12, 2013 | Leave a comment

I acknowledge the part of me that was enjoying the drama of recent events, Nellie Needy felt like any attention was good even if it was making me sick! I will just have to keep breathing into whatever feelings may still be there for Nellie, and to keep letting go. What is left when I turn away from all of that is a big empty waiting space, on this misty, wet and cold day it feels rather sad, and I wonder how I will ever fill it, and if I do what will I put there?

I think the answer is to simply sit with it, and get comfortable with how it is in this moment, then keep doing that for each moment as over time it shifts and changes as things always do. There is an opportunity coming up for me, to dive within in a group sacred space, and that will be the time to truly see what the future holds in this next phase of my journey upon this earth.

It will be interesting to see if this theme of protection continues to be prominent, I will continue with my own personal version of it, but I have been quite astounded by the number of other people having similar issues at this time. In the safety of the sacred circle I will be able to look at this for myself without the fear of attracting unwanted attention,  Nellie will not be needy.

sunsrays

But I must say that Sarah Sunshine is hoping mightily that this soggy weather transforms back into our usual winter fare of freezing cold with blue skies and sunshine! I know one day isn’t enough to develop SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), but whenever the sun goes away I do feel my spirits drop. I’ve posted this before, but it is the perfect way to end a post about grey skies, it’s a fabulous version of “Let The Sun Shine In” from the musical “Hair”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klObyJY1W_I

Watching this clip once again I feel a bit self-centred with all my ponderings about me, in the movie this song is happening as we see images of young men going off to war. May there be peace for evermore so that no-one need die for any cause, let there be peace, shanti, shanti, shanti…………..

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Happy Noise.

Posted on June 26, 2013 | Leave a comment

I speak a lot about the way in which our thoughts about what is going on, are what really cause our suffering much of the time, change the thought and you shift the feelings. I had a great example of this the other night that I would like to share with you, even though it’s relatively simple I actually feel quite proud of myself, here I am using my knowledge and understandings to navigate my everyday life. I mean how often have you done things pretty much the opposite to the way you know would be easier and probably more graceful, most of us have a lifetime of self-sabotaging habits that kick in at the slightest trigger!

So let me set the scene here, I’ve spent the afternoon moving into my new house sit and getting settled in, organising my stuff and making friends with the cat. I could have the whole night to do this but I really, really want to go to dinner and the movie at the community centre with my dear friend, so I’m having to move quickly and feeling a tad anxious about getting everything done. There’s also the pressure to get posts written and not have too late a night as it is a market day tomorrow.

I get home having had a lovely night at the movies, great food, company and I loved the movie, “Hyde Park on Hudson”. I wrote a post and then got ready for bed and it was at this point I finally focused on something I had been doing my best not to notice, a house nearby was having a big party, flashing lights and dance music pumping out. “Just what I need on my first night here” I thought to myself, it’s a particularly quiet area where I am staying so it seemed rather ironic. Then I realised that my thoughts were not going to be helpful in the situation, and so I decided to focus on the fact that these people were obviously having a wonderful time, I would perceive the party as a happy energy radiating that quality out into the night.

dancingfigures

The tiniest tweak of consciousness but it did the trick, as I lay relaxing towards sleep I didn’t even hear the noise most of the time, when I did it didn’t bother me at all. You see what I mean about it being simple, but if you put enough simple things like that together you start to build a wonderful life where everything flows with ease and grace.

So be it, so be it, so be it…………………………..

Here is the trailer for “Hyde Park on Hudson” if you would like to check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQaScjiWDyY

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Wham Bam Thank You Mam!

Posted on June 4, 2013 | Leave a comment

I toyed with the idea of scrapping my last post, not sure it quite hung together, but then I decided it was probably reflecting me exactly where I was in that moment, once again I find myself imperfect! There I was saying how nice it was to be clear for a change, and then wham bam thank you mam, huge amount of stuff on the move, deepest loss and abandonment, full of such sadness. I think it is something you could describe as a moving feast, sometimes the dishes are good and sometimes they are flavoured with regret, grief, or anger.

David Bowie: he played out his 'stuff' for all to see, some great music came out of that process!

David Bowie: he played out his ‘stuff’ for all to see, some great music came out of that process!

I am certainly getting clearer and clearer on what I do and do not want in my life, even when the emotional storm leaves you feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck, there is a sense of clarity that comes as the storm begins to clear. That feeling that so much has been washed away, there is a new world to explore where nothing is quite the same anymore. There is a choice, you can yearn for the old way of being, or you can look with excitement to a whole new perception of the reality around you. If I am being truthful about myself here, and I really do try to be very honest with you all, I probably go between those two states, with the new way gradually gaining more power and momentum until you find yourself positively humming in that direction!

It’s a great theory and I do practice it, although in practice it might not always be so easy to see the pattern of back and forthing as it is happening. The main thing is to keep releasing anything that isn’t serving you, and if it keeps coming up then keep releasing it, repetition being an important part of change. And let your heart draw you in the direction of the new reality that is opening up to you, it will know what to do if you allow it to do what it does best, embracing and surrendering, loving all things, seeing the life force in everyone………….

Love is all you need…………..blissings.

This is kind of gratuitous but I thought of this David Bowie song when I remembered the phrase, wham bam thank you mam. He is so young and so utterly beautiful, in such an androgynous way, must have been so many boys and girls in love with him then, me being one of them, enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSQ0LWnFx7w

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Scorpio Moon Rising.

Posted on May 2, 2013 | Leave a comment

I don’t know a lot about astrology but I do know what I feel, and the Scorpio full moon we had last week was incredibly intense! My moon is in Scorpio so that probably increased the intensity, deep feelings of loss and sadness came up leading up to the full moon, then I had three days of a very uneasy belly. It wasn’t emotional and there wasn’t any story attached to the feelings, it was energy swirling around, and every now and then I would feel some of it move through my body like a flock of butterflies, that shimmered through and then out my crown chakra.

Sexy Scorpio Moon.

Sexy Scorpio Moon.

I like it when stuff moves without me needing to know what the story is, there is a lot less temptation to hang on to the energy when the feelings are not luring you in with their siren song. Nellie Needy is ready to jump on anything that will confirm her world view that she just isn’t enough, Fay Fairytale will start to build castles in the air with absolutely no foundations at the drop of a hat! And Judge Judy takes me to task for all the things I haven’t achieved in my life so far, telling me that I’m a failure and that I need to pull up my socks and get a life!

Well I have a life as it happens, a truly wonderful and magical existence that keeps expanding into more and more happiness and joy. When you move through the shadowy corridors everything becomes edged with doom, kind of like those old horror films where the gore and violence is only ever suggested, and yet is all the more powerful for not being so obvious. I may not have had so much in the way of difficult emotions to deal with in this last lot, but I managed to stress over a whole lot of other things coming up in the next week or two, about which I am now perfectly serene.

catmoon

As always, there are choices to be made and I choose to flow through my life with ease and grace, may my Scorpio moon bring me the intensity of passion and obsession about the things that will do me the most good!

scorpiomoonzodiac

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