I’m looking for inspiration at the moment, what to write, what to do, how to go forward in a world that often seems to be completely insane. If only my society valued being compassionate and caring about others as much as it does a six figure salary! All the wishing in the world won’t change my immediate experience however, so how to find motivation for myself in my own small part of the world is the challenge. With Winter finally having arrived the desire is to burrow inward and stay out of the big bad world as much as possible. Where I am there has been some rain followed by days of gusty wind and I have noticed that this kind of weather has me feeling quite disturbed. It’s like the wind has a voice and it sounds just a bit like a howling ghost from some terrible horror movie.
But time moves on apace as Shakespeare would no doubt have said and I have a life to get together, funds to raise, a wedding to organise. My strong desire to curl up under the doona with my Beloved will have to wait as I forge ahead patiently doing one task after another. This is without being attached (yeah right) to the outcomes of what I am doing. Oh I wish I had achieved that level of enlightenment but I rather think I have a bit of a way to go on that front. Last week one of my tasks was to put together the playlist for the Ecstatic Dance that I run with my Beloved once a month and I was really delighted with the fruits of my effort. Then on the morning we have one person turn up who is obviously uncomfortable being the only participant who leaves before the first song is over. I managed to avoid going into deep depression and even stayed fairly positive considering, but I was definitely not detached.
Even as I feel the frustration and a sense of helplessness I get answers streaming through from the realm of Spirit, or from God or Goddess, whatever name you have for such things. It tells me to meditate and to go within, to connect with the deeper reality that lies beneath all our surface thoughts and actions. Whatever answers I may require are all to be found in that place, the source of creation, the still place that lies inside us all. I know this so very well but still I get stuck in the loop of negative thoughts going round and round in the same old place they always have. It isn’t nearly as bad as it has been in the past, feeling hopeless is a much smaller part of the whole shebang but the frustration is much greater with the passage of time. My realisation in my last post about the mind needing reassurance comes to the surface of my consciousness. Meditating and being still would help my poor mind feel more optimistic about the future for sure!
We often search for clever looking answers to our big questions, but the truth is usually simple and generally not particularly glamorous. Not sure how many times I may need to hear this to truly get the message through my thick skull but let’s hope for zillionth time lucky shall we! Looks like it’s back to the drawing board (I mean cushion) to dip into the depths of life, the universe, and everything. Aho!