Even when you are doing your level best to be conscious about how you are responding to life’s ups and downs, there are sometimes days when you find that the rabbit hole seems to have become a black hole! I started off discombobulated yesterday and the swirling vortex of doom and despair just kept swirling down and down as the day wore on. We were supposed to move into a house sit but our friends are going to Bali and a volcano over there is playing havoc with plane schedules so it isn’t happening now until the end of the week. A relatively small thing really but something about it triggered me into an awkward space where it felt like everything was completely hopeless, especially me.
Oh I hear you say, but don’t you have all these wonderful tools that can shift you into a different frequency in mere moments? Well yes of course I bloody do but in that space of no hope the will to do anything positive and constructive is pretty difficult to locate. My resistance was so great I didn’t want to do anything but wallow and make pathetic sounds and get cuddles from my Beloved. At some point I surrendered to the fact that I wasn’t going to get much done and I read a book and watched episodes of Battlestar Galactica. When going to sleep I connected with my guides and helpers upstairs and asked them to help me move into a better space for the next day.
At some point in the night I woke myself up calling out in the midst of what I can only assume was a nightmare but I have no conscious memory of it. Maybe that helped to clear something because I woke up feeling a tad more positive about the possibilities of my day. I could feel myself still a bit on edge but after breakfast my Beloved and I went for a walk and then we came home and did some meditation. The resistance to being kind to me had dispersed and the simple act of walking and then sitting in stillness brought peace and calm to my body and mind. It also feels good to be following my intention to meditate more often, at least four times a week by the beginning of December.
So here I am at the computer getting things done and feeling much better about myself and my life. There has been no fundamental change to my circumstances since yesterday and yet I feel like a completely different person. So if you are having a bad day don’t spend too much time looking outside of yourself for a savior or some kind of change that will make everything better. Try being with the horrible feelings and letting it all be there as much as is practical. And don’t be afraid to ask for help from whatever you relate to as a higher power, you are worth it!
Here is a song about being awake that is on our next playlist, “Spirit in Earth: Celebration!” The song is “The Silent Awakening” by Tina Malia.