After the toning circle when we were having nibbles and cups of tea, I began to feel light-headed and a bit nauseous and had to sit down. I hadn’t had any lunch but there was nothing in the food to cause a reaction like that, so I figured I needed to get home and sit with whatever was coming up. So I sat with it for an hour, and felt the nausea in my belly move up until it was a pain in my head that eventually moved out completely.
It wasn’t until I began to write that I began to understand what I had been letting go of, it was abandonment and loss, loss of self and of my father, loss of purpose, of love, the death of all things. And the pain of my sexuality trying to blossom in the midst of confusion and despair. This has been a big theme for me in much of the shifting that I’ve been doing, but for now I think it’s more about cleaning up after myself and integrating. I’m not saying I’ve healed it all but there was a wholesale clearing that happened when I had my second breath session two weeks ago.
It was a holotropic breath session which means loud music and pretty much anything goes as long as nobody gets hurt! Early in the session I felt like I couldn’t breathe and eventually ended up crouched on my hands and knees feeling intense fear as my therapist used a pillow to give me the sense of compression. She felt it was a birth experience and she was right, my birth was extremely traumatic, there was a lot of anger in there too. I was making very loud sounds, and at one point there was an incredible harmonic that rang through my head, which felt like it was huge, my entire being resonated with the frequency. I don’t yet know the significance of that sound but I know it’s important.
Our birth is really our first sexual experience, and mine reflected what I was bringing in for my healing in this incarnation. I would love to think the job was complete but at the very least a big layer has shifted, and I find myself becoming more and more confident. There are times when the energy is moving so strongly it’s like a big power surge, it’s exciting and at times frustrating, but I am never bored!
Shiva and Shakti.
Oh Shiva and Shakti, may I channel your amazing life force in the best possible way for me and for all life everywhere.
Shiva and Shakti.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged abandonment, birth, death, frequency, harmonic, healing, holotropic breath, integration, loss, sex, toning
There is a part of me that doesn’t want to ever come back from the Enchanted Warehouse, the trick is to work out how to bring it with me! All that focused faery, rainbow magic that carries the seeds for healing all the worlds many times over, we need it in this reality and we need it badly. You can find that magic in many forms in all sorts of odd places in the world these days, the love virus is spreading and the evil ones are losing momentum as more of us WAKE UP!
I can anchor huge energies for the sake of global coherence, through the movement of my bodies, physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. Can I do that for myself as the soul, for a moment, stares into the abyss of abandonment, the cliffs of despair, losing the lift under my wings for the merest moment and then catching an updraft and once again soaring into the great blue. Can I allow the new harmonic to truly unmask me and am I ready to face what lies beneath, will it contain my heart’s deepest desire.
I am lost, and in that losing am I found, over and over again, its relational, its spiritual, it’s the pain and the joy of being alive, it’s the heightening that comes with uncertainty. How wild is my imagination, not wild enough mutters my medicine woman and she takes me by the scruff and rolls me around in her mortar and pestle until at last my armour is all gone. Then we sit she and I and we tone and we growl, and we bring forth a harmonic that hasn’t been felt in this reality for some time, I don’t understand it even yet but I know that it’s incredibly important and I must remember it, it’s sonically imprinted on the bones of my body.
It’s as if the entire fabric of my being is being held taut with a yearning that comes from so deep within there are no words to express it, I don’t actually know what will satisfy this space inside, no idea. Dear Gaia, you know me better than I know myself, hey girlfriend, can you guide me to the best possible place for opening into this new-found wonder, and I’m not talking bras!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Enchanted, energy, Gaia, global coherence, harmonic, heart, lost, love, tone, wild, wings, yearning