The life I have chosen to lead teaches me all the time about impermanence, the shape of where I am going to live always fluid. Now we are making a bigger shift as my Beloved and I begin the search for a new place to call home base. Somewhere to keep our stuff and to be at when we are in between house sits, ’twill be interesting to see what the next shape of our anchor is going to look like. I have fears that come up around this kind of change but more and more they are small and not so hard to let go of. Feels like there is a knowing in me that knows perfectly well that if we trust the flow we will move on to exactly where we need to be, in Divine Timing.
The thing is to marry the intuitive feeling into the shape and texture of the future, to the action that is required to carry this intention out into the world. The word is going out as we print up flyers, as social media gathers and connects us to community. So the energy goes out, seen and unseen, a new vision is birthing into vibrant manifestation! To be alive is to be changing constantly, how much more interesting than any soap opera is the inner view that is available for our perception if we so desire. And to see the shifting sands of life as exciting and full of potential creates the kind of mood that does bring great good fortune!
Hooray for change and for my graceful and easy passage through her shifting currents, at sail on the sea of desire with my Beloved…… life is good.
I’ve had a very interesting weekend, on the friday night I sat overnight in a medicine circle and went on the most amazing and wondrous journey in a beautiful sacred space with some very special souls. I saw that I am very much on my spiritual path and the message came through very strongly that I can truly trust my inner knowing. It has always been a strong guide for me in my life but these days I am so much clearer, there really isn’t any doubt of what it is telling me.
I ignored it earlier in the year when I fell in love with someone who ‘appeared’ to be a good match, but that turned out to be a necessary self-delusion so that old relationship patterns could be cleared. It opened my heart to the possibility of love once again, and that in itself would have been enough reason to go on the path that I did. It also gave me some very direct experience with ‘dark forces’ and I had to work very precisely and very consciously to give myself and others protection from some very powerful psychic energies (All The Freaky People: 2/7/13 and Not So Crazy: 3/7/13).
So there can be a case for being counter intuitive, just as long as you do wake up at some stage after the necessary work has been done (Farewell My Love: 12/6/13). I wrote this poem not long after meeting this person so you can see that I did indeed know that it wasn’t really going anywhere, indeed I consider that I had a lucky escape!
I have known thee before,
a long time for evermore,
we have partnered in the dance
and we have loved.
I knew you then, and then, and then,
but for us the dance has changed,
we come together now as friends
and for me you show the way,
to open unto all that I BE,
as the New Age doth unfold,
you open the door and I walk through
my true love to behold.
Copyright Kerry Laizans February 2013.
For the rest of my tale tune into the next post, until then farewell my friends!
There was a time when I lived in my little garden flat with my pussy cat and hardly saw another living soul, apart from the people I worked with and my brother down the road. I spent lots of time on my own exploring myself through writing, I wrote about how I was feeling and sometimes it came out as poetry too. I also was experimenting with automatic writing, if you are not familiar with this technique, it’s where you put your mind to one side and let your intuitive brain take over.
I remember being with my brother sometimes when we were learning how to do this and there was a particular character who began appearing whenever I wrote, she called herself Milomel. She was very feisty and used to get annoyed with my bro, who has a wicked sense of humour, sometimes she would refuse to speak to me if he was in the room! Sound a little bit crazy? It’s a type of channeling and people have all sorts of ideas about what is actually going on in this process. That is a discussion for another post, in this particular example it eventually became very clear who Milomel was, and where she had come from.
This wild woman was a part of me that had split off when I was 12 years old, I even found the frozen moment in time when I saw something that shocked me deeply, and which I knew on some level signified the end of my parent’s marriage. I had completely forgotten it until Milomel came back and reminded me, this is an example of a soul fragment coming to search for me rather than the other way around.
I don’t actually remember how I came to the process of finally integrating my wild woman back into myself, I recall lying on my bed for a number of hours while it went on. I knew nothing then about soul retrieval, I was simply following my instincts, the natural impulse towards wholeness that I believe lies within us all. This was an important time for me in that journey, every time you heal a part of yourself you take a step forward but some steps are more critical than others.
It’s so important to be able to allow yourself to be wild, to rebel and get angry, to dance in the moonlight or flirt with the handsome man on the other side of the room. Twenty years later I am truly reaping the rewards of that intuitive search conducted by my earlier self, thank you little Kerry, I acknowledge and honour you for your courage.
Without you then, I wouldn’t be here now! Love and blissings all round………..
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged automatic writing, channeling, dancing, integrate, intuitive, love, poetry, soul, soul fragment, soul retrieval, wholeness, wild woman, writing
What an interesting journey it is to re-enter a life in a higher powered vehicle, feeling the effects of raising my vibration, through shedding as well as conscious intention to manifest my highest good. I have entered an intuitive flow that can sometimes change quite suddenly, I surrender to it and it takes me on a slightly different tack, I call it fine tuning. Life seems to be handing me gifts from all sides, messages come through just when I need to hear them and they are getting pretty clear!
I shifted from having a night at home with a few friends, food and movie, to connecting with a groovy new household and on to my community and tribe who often tend to meet up on this particular evening. The music was stellar quality, one of those lovely nights where you get to have some great conversation but just have to stop often in order to listen to the wonderful sonic offerings. And I just had to dance to some of those fabulous rhythms, can’t understand how people can hear that music and not move their bodies!
There were people there who are very dear to my heart, and there are some challenges amongst us, we are coming together to support as a community. The hearts are there and I seem to connect with openness, everybody seems to like me and there is a feeling that I can be who I am, without judgement. Oh the dancing was good tonight, I am feeling the most delicious expansion in my ribs when I move and flow, its energy that tickles me in a very sensual way, almost like making love to myself.
Dancing on the dark verandah to Alicia Keys, coming in for one song so I could use the floor, beautiful wooden floors, eating left over desert from that May 10 Taurian New Moon eclipse as I integrate the cellular shift brought in by the Sagittarius Full Moon and eclipse. That’s quite a mouthful wouldn’t you agree? Not as hard as it might seem, if you can find your flow and trust it is amazing how much synchronicity seems to guide your path forwards.
Here’s Alicia singing, ‘Never felt this way’, nice version.
Lead on my third eye, and St Germaine, and the Archangel Micheal…………..on, on, on to the Golden Age!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Alicia Keys, community, conscious, dance, heart, intention, intuitive, journey, love, music, sensual, vibration
And so the ride continues, I open and expand with gratitude at my extraordinary life, then I am triggered into a release of tears and even a little anger, but mostly tears……….. I am sooooo tired, a big day, a big week, when I am weary it is much harder to cope with stress, and things that wouldn’t have bothered me at all tip me over the edge. Where there was some kind of clarity, I now feel confusion and doubt, yet in my heart I know that the path I am following is the right one, has the fool lost her faith??
As the flames fan and grow hotter, a black moth flutters from I know not where and lands upon my thigh, it stays there for a moment and then flutters on to I know not where. The moth operates in the dark and is connected to the light of the moon, what light does the moth see in me? The messages are many, she tells me of my ever-expanding intuitive sense, always huge but currently growing into what I can only describe as VAST! This doesn’t always mean that I KNOW what is going on in any tangible sense, with the influence of the moon we set out upon the sea of the unconscious, with no certainty of what port we will end up sailing into.
She tells me that I am on the path to attracting love, to continue on the path that I have chosen and to trust, even as my heart fills with doubts and fears. The moth has incredibly powerful pheromones and is confident about attracting her mate, this smell can be followed for remarkable distances……….the moth does not need to be overt in drawing her lover to her…….she is subtle in her allure.
And so I hold my desire strongly in not only my mind’s eye, but in the eye of my body, spirit and all the other layers of self. And with that in strong focus, I continue to step into my fullness, all of it, I shall not be overwhelmed for I am more than enough, I AM THE SUN RADIATING LIGHT TO THE WORLD!!
Blissings and love to you all!
There’s been a post brewing in me all day, but until I sit down to write I don’t really know quite what it will be about. There’s a sense of it but it is a knowing that is more in my body and intuitive self, the mind isn’t able to grasp it until the moment that it becomes the wonderful tool that it is, and helps me to form the structure of words that will carry this knowing. To be honest, when I am truly in the flow of creativity the mind is probably more of an observer, it can help with grammar and sentence structure, but even there I tend to feel my way. I remember doing grammar for the first time in early high school, and I always knew the correct answers even though I didn’t know any of the rules. I’d been reading good literature for years, and I just knew when something was correct, it felt right.
I’ve always guided my life by that kind of knowing, but this is something that has become even stronger if that’s possible. When I look at what I have planned for this coming week, I’m tempted to become overwhelmed, but everything I’m doing ‘feels’ absolutely like it will serve my highest good, and it’s therefore necessary to move with ease and grace upon this path. I will do whatever I have to, to make this possible, and that may well mean letting go of anything that doesn’t serve that goal.
I don’t watch television and my shows on dvd have fallen by the wayside, so that’s one distraction that won’t be in the way. I think that the biggest thing that I have to let go of is the notion that it’s all too much, and I don’t have the capacity to achieve my goals. In my last post I talked about beliefs, now I need to put my money where my mouth is, and let go of my own self-limiting beliefs, this release alone will provide enough extra energy to power whatever I need to get done.
I’m also settling in to my new house sit which is out in the bush, there are challenges like a slow combustion stove that I need to learn how to use, but it’s a beautiful energetic space that will support the next stage of my spiritual journey. I’m feeling soooooo excited to be here, as I continue to strip away what isn’t absolutely necessary, what will be left? And what new energies will be coming in, I have my suspicions but am remaining open to whatever spirit chooses to bring to me at this time.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged beliefs, creativity, energy, goals, highest good, intuitive, knowing, mind, observer, release, self-limiting beliefs, spiritual
And the journey continues, I expand into new spaces both physical, emotional and spiritual, guided as ever by my inner voice, the High Priestess who has been whispering in my ear for so many years, indeed eons. She can put on whatever mask is required, depending on my current location on the map that I am following, not anything so precise as a GPS, more of an intuitive feeling that draws me to where I need to be next. The mask is not about deception or hiding my true nature, if I surrender to the new form it becomes transformation, a rebirth, it feels out of control and yet there is a part of me that knows every step of the way.
Don’t be afraid to step into the unknown, one of my teachers said to me a long time ago, in order to learn something new it’s necessary to step into a space where we do not know, feel the uncertainty of a place we have never inhabited before. You can choose to be scared and doubt yourself, or you can be excited and embrace the challenge of learning a new skill.
I am learning how to be a bad arse, hard-nosed, ruthless woman with a heart of gold and an auric field that spans the cosmos! Now that’s a learning curve with turbo charging, thank the Goddess I have Bad Queen as my tutor on this class, her coaching has already paid off. I’m not being bad or nasty, but I’m feeling sooooo confident about the worth of who I am, my gorgeousness and appeal, that anyone who sees it differently will be treated with respect, but not be very prominent in my view of the world.
The puppies are more work than I imagined but the joy they bring to my heart is absolutely worth any extra trouble, just another aspect of the changing worlds I keep stepping into, the more you do it the easier it becomes!
Enjoy this footage from Venice and its magnificent festival of masks!
I just read my last post and in particular the quote from Krishna Das about the spiritual path, and I do think I’m doing ok as far as being kinder to myself and others goes, I’m happier and more content, and treating others as I would like to be treated. The bit that gave me pause was when he talks about obsessing less about yourself and all your stuff, anyone who’s been reading this blog will know that is exactly what I have been obsessing about, and in quite some detail!
I began this whole process wanting to explore my writing, but of course you need some kind of focus to write about, especially when the aim is to post every day, it’s quite a committment. In order to continue to find inspiration, I had to choose a subject I’m truly fascinated by, it wasn’t hard to work out what that was. I’ve been thoroughly obsessed by my own journey of healing and for the last eleven years the focus sharpened even more as I explored the shamanic approach.
But even in my late teens I was doing my best to understand my traumas, that’s how I learned to read tarot cards. I was seventeen when mum gave me a set of cards and I spent many a night, sometimes all night sitting up with them and puzzling over the meanings. I always got a lot of swords in those days which means big challenges often accompanied by emotional intensity and stuff coming up. I didn’t really know what to do with those painful emotions in those days, but over time I did at least achieve an intellectual understanding of what had happened to me. And the journey as a reader had begun, I used that same pack until a year ago when I got a strong message to change the way I was working. I’ve become more flexible and intuitive in my approach and the readings get more and more accurate.
So to come back to my original thought, am I being too obsessive about myself and my stuff? I guess the proof is in the pudding as they say, and my life and sense of health and well-being is so much better than it was five or ten years ago. As a healer it’s really helpful to be able to share my own experiences with my clients, it gives me empathy and helps me to offer suggestions as to how they might move forward.
So at the end of the day I’m voting for a yes as the answer to my question, I don’t know where this writing journey is taking me, but that it is a part of my passion and I’m having heaps of fun with it cannot be denied.
I hereby offer up a prayer to the Muses, please keep inspiring me to play with words and keep me on the straight and narrow, straight from the heart that is. Love and inspiration to you all!