I have been reflecting a little on the process that I have gone through in the last ten years of being not only single, but celibate. Ok so there were a couple of poor decisions in that decade and a blissful interlude with a dear friend and cuddle buddy, but essentially I was on my own and very focused on healing myself. I made a vow not to move into relationship until I had healed the patterns that led to dysfunctional behaviours, to shift my frequency and to attract something very different this time, and to hang in there no matter how long it took.
Who would have thought it would take so long! There have been so many layers to shed, it’s like the old proverbial can of worms, once it has been opened it all has to come out. And I have made a vow on more than one occasion, to heal everything in this lifetime, these vows are powerful statements of intention and if you put enough of your belief behind them they can be quite unstoppable. Hence the expression “Be careful what you ask for, the Gods may give it to you”, I have had moments when I doubted that I would ever make it to my desired outcome, in fact a big part of the process was letting go of needing an outcome.
The journey to a happy relationship is through the doorway of love of self, you need to feel worthy of happiness and joy, have the courage to speak your feelings with clarity, know that you are love itself having an earthly experience. I’ve been doing some powerful work creating a new reality for myself and these reflections remind me that spirit will do the details better than I ever could, I just need to focus on the ‘essence’ of what it is I desire to have more of in my life.
And the truly interesting thing that is happening for me at the moment? Now that I am in a space of feeling secure with my Beloved the need to fantasize about the future is quite gone, being in the present moment is more than sufficient. Fay Fairytale is using her imaginative talents to direct the movie of my life when I spend time doing my morning meditations, feels like energy is flowing well and all I have to do is follow the flow as best I can………….singing and dancing along the way!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged beloved, conscious relationships, energy, flow, healing, imagination, intention, letting go, love, meditation, new reality, self-love
Embarking upon a journey into the swirling, twirling vortex that is the middle of every second week, slipping in a little footwork practice and a sleep before going off to find my attitude in strong poses and energy complete. Riding the wave of passionate expression I follow the winding path down the mountain and breathe a little sea air before hunkering down in the bunker, a welcoming warm shelter. It’s a matter of balance, of kindness, of care, do just enough to be alive fully but never push yourself beyond your capacity, whatever it may be.
I love riding the edge of what might be possible, testing the limits of how balanced I can be no matter what life may be throwing at me, brain working out as I follow the notes on a musical page and count the beat, rise to the note. Higher functions are operating and all is well as long as I can balance on that narrow edge, teeter a tad by all means but lets stay on the path and keep fanning the fires of creativity, the torrents of energy flowing over the cliffs, emotions letting go of their attachments.
My sea feels calm even when I can see stormy weather up ahead, the waves may be a bit big sometimes but if I can keep that calm centre within me holding it all together, I can ride out any storm. Just as well because I continue to add-on to the pile of what needs to be done by the end of the year, performance, costumes, the mastering of steps that seem to be forever in coming. The seeing, listening and enjoying of much good music, as well as the necessity of keeping the faith for all the Goddesses of the Dance by moving my body to good grooves on a regular basis.
That’s right, it’s supposed to be fun!
Someone should have reminded Judy Garland, here she is doing such a superb job of “Stormy Weather”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZfv1e2e7ug
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged balance, creativity, dance, emotions, energy, Judy Garland, kindness, letting go, music, passion, Stormy Weather, Vortex
Letting go is a theme that crops up in my healing process over and over again, let’s face it, it is a constant in life whether you are particularly focused on your evolution or not. You can go into denial and hold on for dear life but sooner or later there are going to be things going on that you cannot control and so you really do have to surrender, even if you are dragged kicking and screaming all the way!
Photo by Antara May.
I am thinking of my experience last week when I came home from a night out feeling light and happy, finished the night off with some dancing to good music which is always a good recipe for me. I decided that I would write my post for the next day while I was in such a good mood, not such a great move after all but I wasn’t to know. My laptop was not behaving itself and what should have been a quick whip through my emails took forever, it was quite late by the time I finally started to write my post.
And then the magic happened, poetic prose came spilling out of me and I had one of those wonderful journeys where I had no idea where I was going until I got there, and felt awed at the result, possibly one of the best things I have ever written. You’re probably wondering which post this was, well you only got to see half of this seminal piece, the computer was still misbehaving but I ignored my intuition which told me to abandon ship and go back to good old pen and paper. You know where this is leading don’t you, yes I ended up losing half the post and no matter how I tried, I could not find those words again, they were completely in the moment and my left brain had nothing to do with it so it really couldn’t help me out.
It was soooooo hard to let go of it, I ended up staying up far too late in a fruitless attempt to somehow change what had happened or to find that magic flow again. And as I lay in bed I had to use every breathing and relaxation trick in the book to get myself to relax, in the end it was breathing in and out through my heart that began to allow me to let go of my tight clutching of what I felt I had lost. And to satisfy your brimming curiosity, it was “Beauty Walks Before Me”: Oct 5 2013, when I completed the post the next day I couldn’t get a good sense of whether it was good or not, it could never match what I had lost!
Anyway, there seem to be a few who liked it and in the end I didn’t have much choice but to let go, it was gone and life goes on……….surrender to what is………..and listen to your intuition.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Breath, dancing, denial, evolution, healing, heart, intuition, letting go, magic, music, surrender, write
Life is like a great cloud of fairy dust sparkling with motes of light, interspersed with moments of shadow, our breath like the wind sighing through it all, as we walk and we dance and we sing. As we dream, ah the wild and fulsome ripples of our deepest self, expressing that which we cannot see when the sun doth shine, the night-time bringing its wisdom in strange and abstract ways. Reflections of truth half heard and glimpsed from the corner of the eye, blink and ye may miss it, focus and it be gone.
At sea in such a fog I can barely tell if it be day or night, knowing the path is there whether it can be seen or not, knowing each step in the moment it must be taken, knowing this is the time, the place. Angels beckon from the heavens above even as the Mother extends her earthy embrace to hold me tight, a bridge between the worlds, a streak of light from above to below. I am connected to everything, the bright energy running through my body is the same that lights the milky way, that fills the night sky with iridescent glow as fireflies dance and the dolphins swim.
Letting go of everything that I think I know, I am left with the emptiness of the void, the restfulness of complete surrender to this moment, to the unknown future, and a past that changes as I do. If the mind’s eye doth cast its own shadow, how can we ever really know for sure, the exact shape and texture of our life. Trust is all that’s left, and a heart that opens to embrace all things, a precise record not necessary when feelings flow through channels of joy, when the response to being alive is to love, and to love, and to love.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Angels, dance, dark, dream, energy, heart, letting go, light, love, mind, trust, truth, void, wisdom
The nights with this cold I’ve had were rather interesting, if not what I would describe as particularly pleasant. That’s when the cough would come and make it hard to sleep, I noticed though that after a really deep racking cough there was a sense of expansion and lightness in my chest that actually felt good. I was also aware of a strong vibration going on at a cellular level that indicated a lot of energetic movement, a big shift of some kind. I keep seeing the Tower from the tarot and the Death card, both of these archetypes indicate fundamental change occurring.
I guess my trip to Sydney to sort out my stuff was even bigger than I realised, it closes a chapter in my life so there is a kind of death that is happening. In many ways I have been in transition for the last two and a half years even though my focus has been very much on where I have been living. Let’s face it, how often does an old chapter end neatly with the new one following on, there is almost always a bit of back and forthing that goes on.
Now I need to address any completions that need to be done with regards to the old path that is finishing, and probably the hardest part is letting go of the old outmoded ways of being that no longer serve me. The one that is coming up big time for me is abundance and being supported, with a better return on the energy I put out I will be able to do a better job of looking after myself. There are things I could do less of and be happy, but economic necessity is a factor that cannot be ignored and so I do what I have to. But I’m not prepared to compromise on things I know are important for me to do, even though they may not bring in income, and so we arrive at a schedule that becomes overwhelming at times.
It’s a biggie but I do finally think that the time has come to properly address this issue, and my intuition has been telling me for the longest time that my writing is the key to this. We shall see what unfolds, I will be calling on all the resources I can find inner and outer to meet this particular challenge, wish me luck as I go!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged abundance, cellular, change, energy, expansion, intuition, letting go, resources, shift, tarot, The Death Card, The Tower, transition, vibration, writing
There are times when I manage to cruise even when I have a lot to do, it’s the everything always works out every other time, so why shouldn’t it this time frame of mind that I am referring to here. When you surrender to that flow then somehow it all fits in, and if you’ve made the choice not to stress well even better! I am getting clearer and clearer on the ways in which we are always choosing how to respond to whatever might be going on, and there is always a way that involves letting go to what is, acceptance and trust.
I find myself very grounded in red, the red shoes are ushering in a new strength in the base, full of earth, rich tigers eye for the solar plexus and solid jasper for the heart and the throat. Being fully in that heart space, softly in coherence, gently glowing and softening, dropping down, down………..I am the earth and the earth is me.
I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry.
to fear and to hope.
The rhythm of my heart is the birth and death
of all that is alive.
I am a mayfly metamorphosing
on the surface of the river.
And I am the bird
that swoops down to swallow the mayfly.
From “Please Call Me By My True Names” by Thich Nhat Hanh.
I am the wind and I am the sunshine, the moon is a part of me as are the tides that her influence controls, my blood flows through me just as water flows through the rivers and creeks. I am everything, and everything is me…………..
Check out Jah Wobble as he sings about how we really are a part of everything:
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged acceptance, choice, coherence, earth, flow, grounded, heart, Jah Wobble, letting go, stress, surrender, Thich Nhat Hanh, trust
I’m beneath the water line now, the tip of the iceberg far, far above me as I dive into the deepest parts of me. Letting go of EVERYTHING, the notion of being imperfect, of somehow not being good enough, a superficial idea created by superficial people who are not really worth giving attention or focus to, ( I include myself in that last description!) I LET GO, there is nothing held in this drop into my bones, into the heaviness that needs do nothing ‘cept be, what it is in each moment, the present is a gift.
And from this place of deep rest, of relaxation and release my gifts may emerge, defined not by the expectations of others, ’tis a reaching out of soul, of love and life. I am whole and in that wholeness I heal not only myself but the community at large, receiving my radiant light and being uplifted by it. Giving freely and flowing through a life full of joy and delight and good music!
My medicine journey took me to exactly where I needed to go, I perceived my need as releasing certain feelings associated with a particular person. What I realised in the safe space of the sacred circle was that this was an extremely narrow view, it was the tip of the iceberg when it was all that lies below the water line that I needed to journey to. That’s where I went and I was so deep I can’t tell you exactly what happened down there, I was beyond conscious comprehension as my body rocked and jerked to assist the movement of energy.
I am now very conscious of the fact that even when I am ‘relaxing’, there is still something being held somewhere, in the letting go of my journey I actually let go of all of it. It was such a beautiful and deep rest, and I will remember that feeling and do my best to continue my healing path so that I may be in that kind of truly restful space more often.
May there be peace within me, ohm shanti, shanti, shanti……………
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged community, conscious, energy, expectations, focus, heal, journey, letting go, life, love, medicine, peace, present, radiant, relaxation, sacred, wholeness
Letting go………can be the hardest thing to do, your higher self knows perfectly well that it doesn’t need such small-minded, limited energies around. The small ego self feels rejected and says but, but………I NEED that attention, I do, I do. Oh child be still and breathe, feel the feelings and let them go, unclasp that tight grasp that keeps you anchored to the past, to that which no longer serves you.
Breathe and release the need, breathe and release the fear………..breathe and feel the light pouring into every cell as you make more space for love, for that which will serve the highest purpose……..for all life everywhere. It sounds beautiful and it is, make yourself a sacred space and be still inside it for just a moment. No matter how deep the hurt you will feel joy eventually if you can stay with the discomfort, the dis-ease.
Want to know how to make that deep space for yourself to dive into? Easy peasy, it can be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. You might light a candle and burn some incense or essential oils, sage or sandalwood are great for space clearing. You can tone or sing or speak an invocation, calling upon whatever has meaning for you as a higher power. Ultimately it comes down to the power of your imagination, your intention, be clear about that and all else will follow.
Here are a couple of videos with ideas about creating sacred space, don’t take any of it as something you have to do, if it resonates take it on, and keep looking, there are loads of great ideas out there!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged breathe, dis-ease, ego, energy, fear, higher power, imagination, intention, invocation, letting go, life, love, past, sacred space, still, tone
I’d like to have a go now at bringing together my two current themes, and describe it as letting go into the stillness. There is a certain poetry in the sound and feel of that phrase that to me feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to leap into the unknown. Like the fool in the tarot, I trust that this great leap will take me to wherever I need to go, I dance on the edge of all I have ever known and I fly!
Actually I did literally take flight a week ago, unfortunately it ended very quickly with me stretched out full length in the grass. I was rushing to get to my choir practice at the Maleny Music Weekend and very much in my old pattern of, mustn’t be late, mustn’t be late. Pretty straight forward example of an old pattern tripping me up, I was so in my stuff I failed to see the tent rope lying in wait for my unwary foot.
I believe the fall was also a deeper message or wake up call, I was under the impression I was doing ok in terms of awakening to my purpose, but spirit obviously had other ideas! And sometimes being physically shaken like that can shake loose old bits of stuff that we just can’t seem to let go of, I am simply thankful that my newly cemented teeth are still in place. I do feel very different once again, another shift has occurred although not in quite such a dramatic fashion as some of the earlier ones. It started with my teeth and continued with the de-cording operation that my entelechy performed ( if you missed it that story is in “I Love You But…….”), and here I am feeling like a new woman.
It can be a bit disconcerting because you are no longer in your comfort zone, the world is a different place and you are not quite sure how to behave. There is an adjustment period which I am still moving through and this is where the notion of stillness is so important. I have done a huge letting go of an ingrained pattern in relationship and the flow from this into the still place within is all a part of the integration process. I plan to enjoy it as much as possible, to be still even when I am in motion.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged entelechy, fool, integration, letting go, Maleny Music Weekend, old patterns, purpose, relationship, spirit, stillness, stuff, tarot
Letting go and being still, letting go and being still, letting the flow of spirit take care of things, giving my deepest desires over to God, Goddess, All That Is……… If there’s nothing you can do in a situation, then do nothing, simple really isn’t it, and it applies to a few things that are going on for me at the moment. Some is financial stuff, special kind of headache that one for me, and some definitely has to be taken care of very consciously, but some of it can be given over to a higher power and what a relief that is!
With the desire to be in a relationship the letting go is harder to do, but I am managing to get there, not abandoning the notion of moving into a conscious relationship, but moving myself away from the eggs all being in one basket approach. That’s been my emotional underlay in all my relationships, THIS IS IT AND SO I’D BETTER HANG ON NO MATTER WHAT! It really isn’t a good dynamic for healthy partnerships, which I see as two equals coming together to nourish and support each other so that each can be in their fullness. A dance of lightness and joy, of laughter and gay abandon!
If you don’t know what your dynamics are then I strongly suggest you start listening to your self-talk, what are you telling yourself over and over again, about yourself and the people you are connected to. You may need to find a form of therapy that helps you to tune into that voice, I think it was a combined bodywork and breathwork session that brought to my awareness the thought about having to hang on. That would have been in 2002 and here I am eleven years later still releasing layers of that particular illusion, don’t worry I’m probably a slow learner, with any luck you will move along much faster than I did.
She Let Go
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go. She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right. She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go. She didn’t analyse whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go. No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that. In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
The author of this poem is unclear. A few sites list Ernest Holmes as the author, another Jennifer Eckert Bernau and still another Rev. Safire Rose.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged awareness, bodywork, breathwork, fullness, God, Goddess, health, letting go, relationship, self-talk, spirit, therapy