Tag Archives: life force

Ride The Orgasmic Wave!


I’m trying to let go of it, but I’m just the slightest bit embarrassed by one of my recent posts, when I expressed frustration about having all this life force energy flowing like a torrent, and where is my Beloved! That was what you might term an authentic moment in my emotional landscape, it’s a country that is always shifting and changing, and I know perfectly well that there are many ways to channel that powerful energy. I’m beginning to do just that as I read “Tantric Orgasm for Women” by Diana Richardson for the third time, and this time I am actually going to do the exercises in the book!

Focusing on externals never really works, whether it’s people or places or possessions, at the end of the day it’s how you respond to all of that which determines everything. So I need to really feel what is going on in my body, and work constructively with the strong energies that are moving through. I’ve only ever done it in workshops, but there’s a very satisfying way to channel those energies through the chakras and produce an energetic orgasm. Believe me it’s not some pale substitute, it’s truly orgasmic and takes you into that space of unity and love, where all the world is beautiful and every breath a song.

When my crazy week is over I intend to make the time to create this experience for myself, it’s always harder to do these things on your own but my motivation is pretty strong at the moment so I think I can do it! Time to love myself in the deepest way possible and ride the wave of love into my glorious NOW!

Check out this clip from Nathan Martin talking about energy masturbation, there is an opportunity to go on to another clip that shows Nathan working with a woman’s energy so that she experiences an energetic orgasm. I encourage you to watch it even if you feel a bit uncomfortable, I could feel my resistance as I watched but I stayed with it and surrendered to the feelings of pleasure in my body just from seeing someone else go there.

ENJOY sensual blissings!


Naughty Faeries.

On my enchanted adventure I ventured into forbidden territory, sugar, grain, Cadbury chocolate and coffee, I gave myself permission to be naughty and hoped that I would not be trapped in the world of faery forever, having supped of faery food. Actually the truth is that the faeries probably eat food that gives them plenty of life force, maybe it is the power of that energy that has given birth to the stories of the dangers of eating anything while in the realm of magic and enchantment. Having sat at the table with Titania and Oberon, our present reality cannot be anything but a pale imitation of life’s glorious potential. Like a beautiful photo that has faded with time, we become accustomed to a lesser reality, so much dimmer than the place we inhabit as children.

The Fairies' Banquet by John Anster

The Fairies’ Banquet by John Anster

A little bit of naughtiness will do you no harm, but for those whose daily fare is processed and full of sugar and nasty chemicals, the dulling down is happening quite literally in the cells of the body. I strayed off the path for just four days and even so I could feel my sugar and carb addict beginning to wake up, the more you have the more you want. I came off it slowly with the help of some chocolate halva (Oh my Goddess what a treat!) and my green smoothies are incredibly important for bringing me back into alignment.

For those of you who struggle with cravings the news is good, if the former Junk Food Queen of Parap can become pure, anyone can! From the very beginning as I moved on to solids I wanted everything that was unhealthy, I dealt with teenage trauma and loss by drowning my sorrows as only a true alcoholic can and smoking furiously whatever I could get my hands on.

The path to redemption has been a long road of shifts and changes on all levels of my being, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. You deal with one layer at a time, making the changes that are possible at that time, and slowly but surely you begin to build up better habits. For me the emotional aspect of food has been very important, I no longer have that ‘need’ to fill the empty space within me by stuffing my face.

Dear Gaia, thank you for providing me with such a dazzling array of sustenance in the form of the fruits and the vegetables that abound on this gorgeous planet. And thank you for helping me to connect with that leafy, aromatic realm of taste and texture, heightening my senses until I positively reel with ecstatic delight!


Be Love, Be Patient.

I can feel a powerful force building up in my heart space, as I let go into the flow I know that the yearning will only get stronger, the time to stand alone is well and truly past, and my hermiting a hollow temptation that cannot seduce me. I open to embrace love in all its forms, I open to the life force as it gushes through my being, I open to sharing and companionship, to ease and  to grace.


I do my best to let go of so-called romance, it can be fun, but it can also draw you back into old pathways that lead to dead ends, there is a new way of being in the space of love, but until I can actually practice it with somebody it’s all pure speculation. The question that is ringing through my head right now is, “Can I speak up clearly and set up this new paradigm of relationship?”  Do I have the guts and the articulation because what I am noticing about myself in the space of potential love is that I seem to revert to my adolescence, and that is not a place you would want to revisit let me tell you!

If you are paying attention in this moment you are probably hearing a certain amount of frustration, and you’d be right! I AM READY SO WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BELOVED! Divine timing, it’s all about divine timing, keep living my beautiful life and loving what I do, keep walking the spiritual path and know that the support will always be there in the most appropriate form, yada, yada, yada, yada……………………………

I need to come back into the place where I am love, this is the space that I can go anytime, I don’t have to be in love with anyone in particular, I can simply BE LOVE, for it is my true nature, it makes the world go around, LOVE…………….

Patience is also a precious treasure, one I am doing my best to cultivate!


Begone Demons.

Remember to breathe, the river swirls with multiple currents, and any one of them can carry me away, and in the blink of an eye I’m gone, from the world and from myself. If that’s actually possible, to be gone from the self, to be lost beyond the silver cord that leads back to a warm hearth and food on the table. I think it can be done but I want to do everything with awareness, whether it be pleasure or pain let me know every corner of it, every nuance, the last shining speck of feeling, sparkling inside a soapy bubble that shines in the sun’s light as it is blown by the fairy child, dissolving into the air.

It’s the child I was born to be that I am becoming, not the one who got lost in the fantasy mazes and believed all the bad press that she kept getting, she grew up in a public domain determined to keep her laid low. The new child grew up in the Secret Garden, talking to faeries and goblins, surrounded by the golden life force energy that fills the whole world with wonder and joy at all things. Who would ever have believed that these two could be the very same person, growing up in the same place, yet secretly apart.

The new child is finally grown up and she is mature enough to feel compassion for her darker self, how can I help her to let go of her demons and join hands with me. The answer continues to be relatively simple and contains the usual four letters: LOVE.

I LOVE YOU I say to myself, I LOVE YOU I reply, I look into the mirror and I say I LOVE YOU. I do something really stupid, I LOVE YOU, achieve a great success, I LOVE YOU.


LOVE. wingedheart

From Bliss To Butterflies.

Last week was huge for me, I had three shifts which I would classify as small, large and earth shattering! There was grief in the letting go, fear of loss, and a deep sense of being utterly unworthy to allow myself to fully experience pleasure without condition. The end result was that I was in a state of utter bliss even though I had only had 8 hours sleep in two days. Once again my life force energy is flowing ever more freely and I embrace the joy of being with all my heart.

So I was thinking a week of integration would probably be a good idea, I slept in yesterday, got up and did my oil pulling, an hour of yoga, and then had my green smoothie.  Just when I think I know what the plan is it all changes, all of a sudden a house sit that didn’t happen is on again at short notice for an indeterminate time. It’s good news really, but then I find myself sitting and writing and the sense of stuff moving in my belly is back, it’s like what some people call butterflies but there isn’t anything to be nervous about.

I love my life, but I do have moments when I wonder about this constant processing, why can’t I have longer periods of clarity before things start getting triggered again! The answer is simple but I don’t have to like it, I just happen to have a lot of trauma, in layer upon layer, and I have an obsessive need to keep clearing it away. Can I really heal everything in this lifetime? There are some who would say that’s a crazy ambition, but even though I might have some complaints about the details at times, I keep moving into deeper states of ecstasy, and I am happy most of the time even when I have uncomfortable stuff moving through.

So I guess I will just have to integrate and process simultaneously, after all I do describe myself as a shamanic practitioner and shamans are the ultimate interdimensional multi-taskers!

Shamans transmit to their people in sign, song, and dance the nature of the cosmic geography that has been revealed to them in the process of initiation trances and soul journeys. Map-makers and myth-dancers, shamans live internally in a multi-dimensional realm continuous with so-called ordinary reality.

Joan Halifax (Shaman: The Wounded Healer, New York, Crossroad, 1982. P 66.)


From Bloody Mind to Joy!

My heart is a trembling but not in fear,

my heart is a trembling, clear, clear , clear.

My heart is vibrating like a leaf caught in the winds of change, excitement is the frequency, antici……………..pation! Happiness is a choice and when you choose positive emotions you’re in a win, win, win, situation. Where the loss is a letting go of what no longer serves you, when it’s time for other souls to move on in their own divine timing, when letting go frees you up to be even more of your wonderful self.

The time is upon us and we are the ones we have been waiting for, the new age is birthing and yet again we have a choice, to follow our pain or our bliss. Let the pain be your signpost and may bliss infuse the stones that make up the path to wholeness.I used to choose the painful path a lot, the sharp stones would tear my soles and they would bleed, no wonder I described myself as bloody minded! What I thought was bliss in those days simply took the edge off a pain so deep I could barely acknowledge it’s existence.

That pain made cracks in the very fabric of my being and brought me to a place where I could do naught but dive into the abyss, hoping that there would be light at the end of the tunnel. I travelled through the darkness, the long dark night of the soul, for what seemed like an eon. I did not waver, no matter the blood dripping from my soul, I did not waver from my clear intention, to heal everything in this lifetime!

And now my heart expands with joy, as blissfully I step forth into the path of love, the canyon of desire. So deep a place it reaches into the very heart of our mother, the Earth, and even there it doth not end, for pleasure, like love, is infinite.This warm glow of the life force flow, it fills me to the brim. The fire once held deep inside, now moves through every limb. Through every part of me it goes, I am alive God knows! And so does the Goddess,oh yes, she knows, and grows, and sings, as she dances with light!

Photo by Ulli Hansen and friends.

Photo by Ulli Hansen and friends.

The Lover’s Kiss.

Since I attended my first Joining Gathering in 2011, I’ve been working with the intention to free up my life force energy, to allow it to flow through all facets of my life. That’s almost a year and a half ago and I think I can safely say that I’ve been successful in that process, I’ve become more confident in myself, improved my money flow, and made many beautiful connections in my community.

My sexuality is also flowering, I can feel it’s flow in my body and my spirit and see the response around me. It’s not just about men noticing me, when your energy is flowing like that you become an attractor, and so people are more likely to be drawn to connect with you. When you live in a very conscious community this is a beautiful experience and one that I am enjoying most thoroughly!

I’ve been receiving the energy of male desire which has not been in my life for a long, long time, it feels rather yummy and I’ve even felt a spark in myself in return. That too has not been in my life for almost a decade, the signs are all here, I am ready for my beloved whoever he might be. How will I know it’s him? Well I might not, so the wisest course is to follow my flow, to treat all with the greatest respect, and to focus on friendship as a beginning place. It’s a good recipe for life in general, not just relationship, and I need to form healthy friendships with conscious men, for me it’s a new experience! And it will assist me in continuing the process of letting go of the deep distrust that I have held for the masculine energy, I let go of a heavy load a few days ago in my yoga class but it’s likely I will encounter new layers as I move into my fabulous future.

The Lover’s Kiss.

Loving the man within

the woman I be

reaches for his hand

now I can see

the face I saw as brutal

can flow with ease and grace

can give me inner strength

yet be delicate as lace

so like yin and yang

the two shall meet

singing songs of bliss

in a union oh so sweet

here comes the lover’s kiss.

Copyright Feb 2013 Kerry Laizans.

God Goddessyinyangmascfem

Tantra! (Did I get your attention?)

When I move into a yoga pose my body feels like it’s doing something that is so familiar, I swear I must have spent a lot of time over the eons in ashrams doing the practice. Having only done the odd class here and there I really threw myself into a regular practice in 2001, and I didn’t attend a single class!

It was my last few months in Brisbane before moving to Sydney and I was escaping to Byron Bay a lot on the weekends. There was a beautiful young yogini where I stayed, and when she got up at 6am to do her yoga, I got up too and followed her movements. She never instructed me, my body seemed to know what to do, what I really learned from her was how to focus my inward gaze, to move into sacred space.

And from that point on I was obsessed, I did an hour of yoga every day, I was also doing long walks and even running, it was a time of becoming extremely fit. Not something I have continued to keep up, but yoga has been a regular part of my life ever since, I stretch most days but I hadn’t been to a class for years until the other day.

The class went for two hours and it was an invitation to gaze into my inner spaces, tune into the flow of energy in my body, ahhhhhh I was in ecstasy! There is something about practicing yoga in a group with a good teacher, that can take you places it’s much harder to go on your own. I have been there in my solitary practice, but I have never kept it up for as long as two hours, and I can get a bit lazy with my focus.

I set my intention to integrate all the shifts and changes that have been happening for me lately, I also added in the part about me blossoming from the tree of self. It is such a wonderful metaphor, whenever I think of it I see huge brightly coloured flowers bursting forth, embracing the sunlight and radiating joy. I’ve asked spirit to keep my wednesday mornings free as much as possible so I can keep going to this class, my intuition tells me that it is a vital part of my integration.

I will speak more on integration at another time, it’s as important as having the release but often doesn’t get as much air play, maybe it doesn’t seem as sexy! After all, we all know sex sells, add the word tantra to your workshop and you will get people’s attention even if they don’t book in.

At the end of the day it all has a lot to do with sex, but not necessarily in the obvious way, when you release and integrate, you are freeing up life force energy, which is just another name for your sexual energy. I felt full of joy and quite orgasmic after my yoga class, the orgasm was happening in my heart chakra and there is nothing quite as delicious, mmmmmmmm think I might have another helping of that!


Dream A Little Dream.

I’m thinking about my Beloved again, not sure if those thoughts were what kept me awake for three hours the other night, but sleep was certainly elusive. I would feel myself starting to slip into that relaxed space where everything begins to soften, and thoughts drift gradually away, until, in a moment one can never pin down, you are gone into the realms of sleep.

I don’t often remember my dreams, as a child I would make dreams up to tell the other kids, because I felt left out when they described their wonderful nightly excursions into fantasy. For my first assignment doing my graduate diploma in counselling I used Freudian techniques to explore a fragment I remembered from a nightmare, and it was such a powerful process I was getting physical symptoms as I tried to write. There is no doubt that dreams can help us to try and make sense of our experiences and feelings, but it is only one of the doorways.

I could do things to help me to remember dreams but it has never drawn me very strongly, I would rather meditate or do a trance journey. That does keep coming back to me very strongly indeed, I need to be doing a regular practice along with my yoga, and green smoothies, and all the various things I do to take care of myself.

I think there is a message trying to get through, and so I need to create sacred space within myself, in order to receive the gift of knowledge. And I am fairly sure that it has to do with my Beloved and with my spiritual task, the freeing up of my life force energy that is required for my journey to proceed, the opening of my heart.

I saw myself with my beloved as I lay sleepless, and at one point I got up to write about what that felt like, here it is: We fell into each other’s energy fields like we were coming home to roost, so easy, so comfortable. As if a thousand lives entwined us through the ages, and our souls knew every nuance of every moment, inscribed upon our hearts for evermore.

Oh my Beloved…………………………………


Uneasy Belly.

Well the mobile mechanic was actually cheaper so there you go, never make assumptions and remember how smart your gut is! The car is now sounding a bit rough but I am hoping the drive to work tonight will smooth it out, my belly is uneasy again which I suspect is more letting go, as I move into the energies of the new year.

The new year………. what will it bring…………….my beloved, financial flow, optimum health, and the continuing evolution of my spiritual task. I did a workshop at Woodford (see my end note) where we were shown how to create a symbol for specific intentions, and then ways in which to harness our life force or sexual energy to empower the process. Perhaps I should start with creating plenty of time for everything I want to do, because that seems to be something I am always in short supply of.

My uneasy belly is making it very challenging to write this post but I don’t have time to go off and do anything about it, I notice that when I bring my attention to it and take a very conscious breath the energy swirling around in there seems to move upwards in my body. The feelings are definitely on the move and will progress up and eventually out the crown chakra, I don’t know the specifics of whatever story they are attached to, but my sense is that it is connected to feeling unworthy and not being good enough.

The old story of low self-esteem has so many layers, I have been shedding layer after layer for so many years. And while there always seems to be that little bit more, I can also say that my feelings of self-love have grown enormously in the same time frame. It is a challenging journey but soooooooo worth the effort, my life keeps getting better, and even when I am having difficult days there are always moments of pure bliss and joy, the simple happiness of loving myself and everything around me.

Energy on the move!

Energy on the move!

The workshop I referred to was run by Andy and Laurel from www.awakeningcentre.com.au/, check them out they are doing amazing work!