Tag Archives: life

An Old Angel.

Posted on September 8, 2013 | Leave a comment

A few weeks ago I did a reading for an older man who appeared very conservative, so I was a bit surprised when at the end of the reading he tuned in and gave me a reading too! It was the last thing I expected, but I guess spirit felt it important to send me a message, and the messengers often don’t come in the forms that we expect them to. I think this man was an Earth Angel, and he told me that I needed to do something about my neck, which is absolutely true, and he also said that I needed to connect more with the earth with my bare skin.

OldAngelEtching

That really resonated with me, but I’ve been so busy it’s been almost impossible to find the time to do that, and in the busyness I tend to forget anyway. I remembered a couple of days ago when I was feeling a bit wiped out and needing to recharge my batteries to get through my overnight shift, and just 15 minutes lying on the earth made an enormous difference. Then I was telling a friend about this and she asked me if I’d ever put my back against a tree and connected with tree consciousness.

The answer to that question is a big YES, in shamanic trainings I did we often went out into the bush and found a tree to commune with. I remember tuning in to fern consciousness once and it was fascinating, ferns are a group consciousness like ants or bees and they have a much quicker energy than trees tend to. If you need to slow down then connect with a tree, there was a 150 year old Moreton Bay Fig tree in Sydney that I used to go and sit with when I lived there.  She was the guardian spirit of a very old church yard and I used to think of her as my grandmother, she gave me wonderful advice when I had difficult decisions to make and I really trusted her wisdom.

When we dishonour and disrespect nature we’re really doing it to ourselves, it is a reflection of the modern worlds inability to truly honour and love self. Not self as a separate individual all alone in the world, no…………the authentic presence that I AM is connected to all things. The cosmos, the trees, the animals and plants and rocks and minerals, there is no part of life which I am not a part of, nothing that is not me.

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Love And Death.

Posted on August 2, 2013 | 1 comment

Love and death are the great gifts that are passed on to us, that most of us leave unopened.

Maria Rainer Rilke.

The current paradigm of this world we live in tends to ignore many important aspects of being human, love and death, as Rilke points out, being two huge doorways that most of us barely even open, much less actually go through. Love gets talked about a lot, most of the songs on the hit parade tend to be variations on the old boy meets girl theme. But romantic love is only one tiny aspect of an energy that is the stuff that we are made of, by focusing our attention so narrowly, we are losing sight of a much bigger picture. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t have romance in your life, you’re just not limiting yourself by needing another person to access that place which is actually always there inside of you.

And death would have to be one of the biggest taboos of all, fancy ignoring, denying and cheapening something that is quite inevitable, the flip side of life and the keeper of the balance of all things. Regardless of how we have lived our lives, we will all die at some point, wouldn’t it be better to have some knowledge of the subject? How many people die suffering because of their fear and the inability to accept the death that has come upon them? It’s a subject that I need to look at myself, although I have thought about it and have some knowledge, I know that there is still some fear in me around dying. Something to explore in future posts!

If you don’t know Tuesdays With Morrie you might want to check out this movie trailer, it was made from a book of the same name and explores the process of dying through the relationship between a professor and his former student.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1N4W7_Qhao

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Deep Medicine.

Posted on July 16, 2013 | 1 comment

I’m beneath the water line now, the tip of the iceberg far, far above me as I dive into the deepest parts of me. Letting go of EVERYTHING, the notion of being imperfect, of somehow not being good enough, a superficial idea created by superficial people who are not really worth giving attention or focus to, ( I include myself in that last description!)  I LET GO, there is nothing held in this drop into my bones, into the heaviness that needs do nothing ‘cept be, what it is in each moment, the present is a gift.

Iceberg

And from this place of deep rest, of relaxation and release my gifts may emerge, defined not by the expectations of others, ’tis a reaching out of soul, of love and life. I am whole and in that wholeness I heal not only myself but the community at large, receiving my radiant light and being uplifted by it. Giving freely and flowing through a life full of joy and delight and good music!

My medicine journey took me to exactly where I needed to go, I perceived my need as releasing certain feelings associated with a particular person. What I realised in the safe space of the sacred circle was that this was an extremely narrow view, it was the tip of the iceberg when it was all that lies below the water line that I needed to journey to. That’s where I went and I was so deep I can’t tell you exactly what happened down there, I was beyond conscious comprehension as my body rocked and jerked to assist the movement of energy.

I am now very conscious of the fact that even when I am ‘relaxing’, there is still something being held somewhere, in the letting go of my journey I actually let go of all of it. It was such a beautiful and deep rest, and I will remember that feeling and do my best to continue my healing path so that I may be in that kind of truly restful space more often.

May there be peace within me, ohm shanti, shanti, shanti……………

stillness2

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Deep And Sacred Space.

Posted on July 9, 2013 | Leave a comment

Letting go………can be the hardest thing to do, your higher self knows perfectly well that it doesn’t need such small-minded, limited energies around. The small ego self feels rejected and says but, but………I NEED that attention, I do, I do. Oh child be still and breathe, feel the feelings and let them go, unclasp that tight grasp that keeps you anchored to the past, to that which no longer serves you.

let go

Breathe and release the need, breathe and release the fear………..breathe and feel the light pouring into every cell as you make more space for love, for that which will serve the highest purpose……..for all life everywhere. It sounds beautiful and it is, make yourself a sacred space and be still inside it for just a moment. No matter how deep the hurt you will feel joy eventually if you can stay with the discomfort, the dis-ease.

Want to know how to make that deep space for yourself to dive into? Easy peasy, it can be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. You might light a candle and burn some incense or essential oils, sage or sandalwood are great for space clearing. You can tone or sing or speak an invocation, calling upon whatever has meaning for you as a higher power. Ultimately it comes down to the power of your imagination, your intention, be clear about that and all else will follow.

Here are a couple of videos with ideas about creating sacred space, don’t take any of it as something you have to do, if it resonates take it on, and keep looking, there are loads of great ideas out there!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laPrxIEE1dk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bmxdHIf79E

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Demolishing The Fairytale.

Posted on June 10, 2013 | Leave a comment

Feeling the emptiness of inner space, as the dust from the demolition crews begins to clear, my castles in the air are gone, and while there is a certain relief in that, there is also a hollow feeling. The castles were so pretty, but they had no substance at all, Fay Fairytale and I kept adding wings and suites, and decorating the halls with beautiful tapestries, but all to no avail. So now it’s time to be with the emptiness when that’s what is present, and to follow the passion of my heart at other times, filling up with inspiration and delight as I get excited about my life!

I feel a bit like two different people when I contemplate that vast empty inner space, one is happy to dive in and be without thought, the other feels a sense of loss and is frightened of letting go into the void. How can I bring these two into harmony, how can I reassure the ego self that what seems like death is actually a much bigger life, a place where it isn’t actually possible to lose anything. By surrendering to the flow of spirit, taking myself to the edge, with trance journeying that busts wide open that egoic construct that so many of us spend our lives contained within. There are lots of ways to do this, but ceremony in sacred space with meditation, music and movement, can take you into deep contemplation that helps you to gain perspective on your little dramas.

Smudging with sage.

Smudging with sage.

Or whichever doorway works for you, there are so many, you only have to start really looking and you will realise that the sacred is in everything we do. Keep reminding yourself of where you are in this moment, at the end of the day that moment is all you have, so don’t put too much energy into worrying about the past or the future. Be present and plan for miracles, life is so very good and things to laugh about abound all around us, particularly with the perspective I now have on recent events!

Laugh, drink and be merry!

live-love-laugh-eat-drink

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A Grateful Life.

Posted on June 6, 2013 | Leave a comment

I’ve had a request to write about the subject of how to open to life’s blessings, it’s a theme you will find running through a lot of my posts, but I think I will try to pop in something specific on this from time to time from now on. The first thing that popped into my mind when I read this comment was gratitude, simply being thankful for the good things that you do have in your life. In bleak moments this can be challenging, but there’s always something you can find, it might be the fact that you have all your limbs and air to breathe, or maybe it’s the fact that the doom you were certain was on its way didn’t actually arrive today!

I feel gratitude most days, but with this time of intense energies we have been going through, there have been times when I have struggled to find that place in myself, so don’t give yourself a hard time if you can’t manage to get there. Be present with whatever emotions are moving through you, and be prepared to look through the chink of light that will appear if you can allow those feelings to be released. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how long the journey may seem, and as the light begins to seep in it may become easier to genuinely feel that sense of gratitude.

Whatever you choose to focus on will grow, so that attention on what is good in your life will help the positive aspects to develop and grow stronger. You could formalise this process by keeping a gratitude diary, every day write down all the things you feel grateful for, if you have a friend to buddy up with so that you are each doing this and sharing with each other, it can become even more powerful. Not only keeps you on track in terms of the discipline of doing the process, but it also brings in the power of being witnessed.

Here is a brief meditation from Deepak Chopra on gratitude, he’s an inspirational teacher who has helped me a lot in the past to understand difficult concepts like quantum physics, not that I can really get my brain fully around that particular subject, but he definitely made it more accessible for my unscientific mind! He has a wonderful way with words, if you are not familiar with him why not go googling, he has also written many books. Love and gratitude to all who follow and read my offerings here on throughthevortex.org, grateful blissings…………

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIXIwdhOmSM

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Life And Death.

Posted on June 5, 2013 | Leave a comment

There’s been a bit of a theme in my life these past few weeks, and it’s one of the biggies, death, which is the other side of life, and something we don’t really talk about in this culture. Other cultures have whole books devoted to the subject of how to pass from life into death, I’m talking about ‘The Tibetan Book of the Dead’. I’ve never read it but it talks about all the different stages that happen as you go through the dying process, here we tend to deny even the possibility of death until the last-minute, and then get dragged kicking and screaming into something that terrifies us.

The_grim_reaper

Because I felt responsible for my father’s suicide, I’ve created this strange connection between sexuality and death, although I guess it’s not that strange, after all sexual energy is the life force and death is it’s opposite. Sort of like yin and yang, masculine and feminine, the sun and the moon, they complement each other to create a balance, without which life as we know it would not be possible. My sexual flowering seemed to result in my father’s death, not rational, but that’s what has been held inside me for all of these years, and an awful lot of my shedding this past month has been around that issue.

And as often happens it is reflected in a myriad of other ways, I had to bury a chook this morning, not far from the guinea pig’s grave. It was sad, but I didn’t feel responsible for the passing of either of these animals, I know I did my best for them and there is no guilt there for me at all. I take it as a sign that I am making real progress in the process of release, it may not all be cleared, but an awful lot has gone, no wonder it was so painful.

It’s as if the sun has come out after a time of stormy darkness, and the weather has actually reflected this with the stunning day of blue skies and sunshine that I’ve enjoyed today. I found this great film of one of the songs from the musical ‘Hair’, it’s kind of a flash mob version of ‘Let The Sunshine In’, hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Love and radiance to you all………sunny blissings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klObyJY1W_I

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Weary, Sad Goddess.

Posted on June 3, 2013 | Leave a comment

Sadness slips out of me and pools on the floor, it wants to be numb, but I can’t go there anymore, I have to feel it no matter how hard, how painful. I’ve felt worse, this is a gentle feeling although it still sucks the life out of you, let it be but don’t indulge it, for it may lead you into inertia and a downhill spiral that will leave you without breath in your body, or spirit in your soul. It’s a sense of loss that opens up a grey place where everything is hopeless and nobody ever wakes up or escapes. I used to get lost in that place but now I am merely a visitor, watching the scene and feeling it in my heart, but knowing I can leave at any time.

Crying Angel

Sleep will wash away the fog and bring me into a bright new day, the loss is for something I never actually had even for a moment, so how hard can the letting go be! Dear Goddess, I’ve been so very good, I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do, I’m following the path of spirit as best as I possibly can, is there not a long clear day for me sometime soon? Where I can rest on my laurels for a moment, and walk hand in hand with joy and not a care in the whole wide world, where the inner peace that is within me is filling me and flowing out into the world around me.

That day will be tomorrow, but until then I am in this place of bitter-sweet half regret, I have to keep feeling it and then letting it go, feeling and letting go, knowing that it is all a part of the process and that being alone is the biggest illusion of all. And yet that does not stop us from feeling the pain of loss, for who amongst us can lay claim to true sovereignty over self, true surrender to what is.

From a poem by Sir Thomas Wyatt

And wilt thou leave me thus,
That hath loved thee so long
In wealth and woe among?
And is thy heart so strong
As for to leave me thus?
I’m feeling better already, after all I am fair and square in the middle of an amazing community that loves and acknowledges me, bit hard to be abandoned or left behind.
I release the illusion of separation, I step into a life of community, love and nourishing support, so be it, so be it, so be it…………………………………..

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Life Is The Practice.

Posted on June 1, 2013 | 2 comments

‘Aint life grand! Feeling like being in love with the whole of existence, my vibration is moving up and up, only incredibly beneficial things are attracted to this juicy vibe. And it’s not attached to somebody’s face, their being, their history, their mood swings, overly precious, their personality problems from the
Goddess knows how many lifetimes. I have quite enough of my own thank you very much! Actually that is becoming less and less true, so much of my trauma has been transformed, there is so much more room there now for fresh creativity and joy and partnership!

ballroom-dancing

I open to the offering that is life, I embrace all living creatures on all levels of existence, I offer myself to life itself, dancing in the glow and flowing through a magical landscape created by me. This is where manifestation can get really powerful, I am seeing my special scene more and more keenly, it is a life where I am doing what I love and getting well paid for it, working mostly but not always from home. Home being somewhere 15 minutes in range of town but where you can hear the bell birds calling all day long. I live there with my Beloved and we spend time together and we spend time apart, life is good, both are doing our paths of spirit.

My relationship, my work, these are the paths of my spirit, the practice in life that helps me to become the practice, to know my methods so well that I become free of method, moving fully into a flowing life of spirit. I am many things, but I am a bridge, between the worlds, the different dimensions, between the inner spaces of the organs and the mind, between the humble and the great. I am that I am, that I am………………..  I hold the highest vibration, in my heart.

Love and blissings…………

This work, Conscious Sensuality, is beatiful and transformative, I did a day workshop and we went further in just one day than I could have possibly imagined.

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The Flow Of Spirit In Me.

Posted on May 18, 2013 | 1 comment

There is a sense of space unfolding within me, great vistas opening up as I let go of the connection that held me hostage, even as I held it. It’s true what they say, control is generally a two-way street, although that’s hard to accept when we see victims being treated in horrific ways. If we all choose to be here on the planet and choose where and who we will be born to, then there’s always going to be personal responsibility for the consequences of those choices. And there are those who come here to help and support the weak and the helpless, as long as they are working to empower those who are powerless, the balance may be restored.

I choose to focus on that journey in my inner world as I step into my power, my neediness falls away and there is a new steadiness and confidence in my body, mind and soul. It will be necessary to remain mindful, the connections that have been severed will probably not go quietly, I will have to remain in my own power and integrity, not allow myself to be hooked back into the drama. Without the dramas I have the room to pursue my dreams, to explore these landscapes that are emerging from the hidden depths of this magnificent soul, that has been lost in the arrogance of low self-esteem for far too long.

Low self-esteem, arrogance? A strange combination you might say, but I understood quite some time ago that my lack of confidence in myself was as much of an ego trip as someone like Clive Palmer or Gina Rinehart. The term that conveyed this to me at the time was, “Who am I to refuse the flow of spirit through me?”. So now I make the affirmation, to open fully to spirit and to allow it to flow through me in whatever ways are most appropriate, to benefit not only myself, but all life in all its forms, everywhere.

So be it, so be it, so be it.

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