A new chapter is often fraught with risks and uncertainties as well as great treasures and rewards, this is very much the case for me at the moment as I navigate my way through this time of birthday celebrations. It began with a couple of big journeys as I sat in my medicine circle over two nights, there was a lot of energy moving and it wasn’t very comfortable, downright tortuous if you must know, but worth it for the light streaming out at the end of the tunnel. I was very aware as I was in the darkness that my willingness to face that part of myself would ultimately help me to sink deeper into the ocean of bliss that is available to us all!
The story continues as I encounter old feelings of rejection and abandonment, my beautiful lover had to leave my bed to get some sleep as I snored in his ear and that triggered all of that old stuff even as I knew that he had not really left me at all. But when the feelings are moving through and telling me that I’ve lost my Beloved, that he’s angry or pissed off with me, it is very hard for the rational part of me to have any impact in what’s going on in my inner world. Luckily my Beloved and I are not afraid to talk about these things, we share with each other openly and honestly everything that is happening inside. It’s scary sometimes to be so open and vulnerable to another human being, but the more that we do it the deeper we dive into an intimacy that goes beyond anything that I have experienced in my life so far.
Feeling emotionally drained but at the same time so very grateful for this incredible relationship that is helping me to let go of so much that was not supporting me in my life. I finally feel safe enough to go to places that were too frightening to visit without someone to hold my hand, to hold space as I navigate my path from the darkness to the light.
Thank you Beloved, you mean the world to me, and my world is a much brighter place for having you in it!
And the song that sums it up for me from Deva Premal and Miten, “Till I was loved by you”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL8m_wj1li8