Tag Archives: non-attachment

Part Two: Feeling The Fear.

darkness Lau TzeI’m standing at the graveside and my watcher helps me to climb down into my waiting tomb, I lie myself down and he places the wooden cover over the top completely sealing me in. The last light of the dusk disappears immediately and I am enveloped by a darkness deeper than any that I have ever known. Above me I can hear the sounds of the earth being shovelled on top of the wood so that I am surrounded entirely by the earth, there is air coming in and I can see the faintest tinge of light from that, but before too long night has come in its fullness and I am left in this small space.

face in the dark

There is just enough room to turn myself around as I try to find a comfortable way of lying down, worrying about the best way to do this is a welcome distraction from the incipient terror that is lurking in the depths of my being. I’m talking to myself about how important it is to keep my spine straight so that the energy can flow and I can go into a deep meditative space, when I begin to notice a deep chuckle just beyond the scope of my physical ears. It’s Mother Earth laughing at my silliness, and I can hear her saying, “It doesn’t matter how you lie, I will always be here to support you, do whatever you want my child.”

mother earth

So I let go of all that mind stuff and I lay back and allowed myself to feel the fear that was running through my body, it was incredibly intense and it would have been so easy to let it take over and ask to be let out. But I was determined to last the distance, and I remembered one of the men saying that he handled the fear by doing deep yogic breathing, in through the belly, the middle of the chest and right up into the top, then back down again. As I did this I began to notice myself separating from the fear, it was still moving through my body at a rate of knots, but I was no longer attached to it.

fearwoman

For the first time in my life I truly understood the meaning of non-attachment, as I became the observer the thing that I was watching began to shift and eventually the fear was gone, and in its place a deep sense of peace. That was an important lesson that has been an invaluable ally to me in the years since and I think it is no accident that I am writing about it now. I’ve noticed in these intense shifts that I have been experiencing that I sometimes tend to go a bit unconscious while things are moving through me, time to sharpen my focus and be the observer.

feardarknessandlight

For the conclusion to this story tune into my next post!

When In Doubt Breathe!

Last week was very intense and bits of it were definitely not fun in the moment, even if I can see the lessons in the various challenges that came my way. There were also moments of great achievement as I managed to master my monkey mind, and allow the wisdom of my heart to guide my responses to what life threw at me. All in all it was an interesting seven days and part of me wants to make a joke about the Chinese expression: “May you live in interesting times”, but if I claim to be cursed I am throwing away all my responsibility and denying the insights and aha moments that littered the path as I went on my merry way!

ahalightbulbaha-moment

One of those messages came twice but I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention the first time, when it happened again with another client I had to sit up and take notice. I have two very reliable regulars for massage who both forgot to come to their appointments, a phone call the first time meant the session happened half an hour late. The second time was at the end of my market day and I simply heard nothing at all from her, this meant I was left somewhat hanging in suspension when I was tired at the end of a long and hot day at market.

Business had not been good at the market but my good fortune in other areas made up for this, as long as the energy is flowing I can usually find equanimity. Faced with my no-show at the end of the day I found bits of negative self-talk coming up about putting in all that effort and it all being useless, completely useless. There was a time this would have sent me into a very dark place, but my observer came to the fore and in noticing what was happening I was able to watch it without becoming attached. This takes all the charge out of the feelings and it’s much easier to let them keep moving, that way they can actually leave your organic being altogether.

fearwoman

To read about how I learned to do this check out my three-part story of being buried in the earth, “Into The Ground”: Feb 20, 2013, you’ll find that specific tale in part two: “Feeling The Fear”: https://throughthevortex.org/2013/02/21/feeling-the-fear/  Don’t worry, that just happens to be how I really ‘got’ that particular knowing, you don’t need to go and organise your burial. But maybe try the breathing if you find yourself with strong feelings and/or thoughts coming up that you are having trouble separating yourself from. The breath is a wonderful tool for transformation, its free and accessible to us at any time we so desire.

When in doubt, BREATHE!!!!!

Feeling The Fear.

I’m standing at the graveside and my watcher helps me to climb down into my waiting tomb, I lie myself down and he places the wooden cover over the top completely sealing me in. The last light of the dusk disappears immediately and I am enveloped by a darkness deeper than any that I have ever known. Above me I can hear the sounds of the earth being shovelled on top of the wood so that I am surrounded entirely by the earth, there is air coming in and I can see the faintest tinge of light from that, but before too long night has come in its fullness and I am left in this small space.

There is just enough room to turn myself around as I try to find a comfortable way of lying down, worrying about the best way to do this is a welcome distraction from the incipient terror that is lurking in the depths of my being. I’m talking to myself about how important it is to keep my spine straight so that the energy can flow and I can go into a deep meditative space, when I begin to notice a deep chuckle just beyond the scope of my physical ears. It’s Mother Earth laughing at my silliness, and I can hear her saying, “It doesn’t matter how you lie, I will always be here to support you, do whatever you want my child.”

So I let go of all that mind stuff and I lay back and allowed myself to feel the fear that was running through my body, it was incredibly intense and it would have been so easy to let it take over and ask to be let out. But I was determined to last the distance, and I remembered one of the men saying that he handled the fear by doing deep yogic breathing, in through the belly, the middle of the chest and right up into the top, then back down again. As I did this I began to notice myself separating from the fear, it was still moving through my body at a rate of knots, but I was no longer attached to it.

fearwomanfeardarknessandlight

For the first time in my life I truly understood the meaning of non-attachment, as I became the observer the thing that I was watching began to shift and eventually the fear was gone, and in its place a deep sense of peace. That was an important lesson that has been an invaluable ally to me in the years since and I think it is no accident that I am writing about it now. I’ve noticed in these intense shifts that I have been experiencing that I sometimes tend to go a bit unconscious while things are moving through me, time to sharpen my focus and be the observer.

For the conclusion to this story tune into my next post!