Reading through my last post I can feel those energies still moving through me, probably they will get the chance to truly depart in the dance tonight. A bit different for me as my journey will be swinging between the personal and the holding of space, creating a container that we can all fall into as deep as we need to go. I am looking forward to it but I must confess to being a bit nervous too, those old energies are full of doubts and fears and are no doubt fueling the nerves, but actually a touch of nervous energy can help to keep you sharp so not necessarily a bad thing.
I’d be more than just a little bit nervous if I was doing this on my own, having the chance to collaborate creatively with my Beloved and to share the load makes the whole experience much more fun. This is the first time we have worked together on a project so it is actually one of those landmark events in a personal history, something we will always remember. The way it has come together bodes well for our relationship, neither of us is ‘boss’ and we both feel able to express what we are feeling. As we were putting our playlist together it felt to me as if we both cared more about the final shape of our dance, rather than whether or not we got our favourite songs into the mix.
This was my Beloved’s suggestion, I’d forgotten about this song from Lamb, soooooo good to dance to!!!!! Gorecki, by Lamb:
Just for the record we both got favourite songs into the sonic landscape and by the time we had finished we were both satisfied that we had created a structure to take people down into the darkness to the point of stillness in the centre. Then from that silence we begin to open into the light, beginning slowly and building, the music becoming more and more joyous. I feel like I have been preparing for the Winter Solstice all week with the way energies have been moving through my organic being, preparing for this dance has been a wonderful part of all that.
Then the actual Solstice the next day and a simple fire ceremony followed by eating, drinking, talking with beautiful people and dancing the night away. A different kind of evening but the same ocean of love, life is very sweet, wish me luck friends………….Namaste and Blissings.
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Tagged dancing, descent into darkness, doubts and fears, ecstatic dance, energies, holding space, journey, Lamb, ocean of love, open to the light, relationship, sonic landscape, winter solstice
It’s a while since I wrote about uneasy belly but even in the bubble of love stuff comes up, in fact the more that you dive into that ocean of love the more likely you will stir up the shadows lurking in the depths of your being. So I am feeling that knot of anxiety in my stomach but not like butterflies flying in flocks, it is more concentrated in just one spot. Because I am so very happy it isn’t disabling but it isn’t comfortable either, this will definitely be something I will take into my medicine journey tonight, an opportunity to release limitation and negativity.
And that is exactly what this is, the feelings are very familiar and have in the past created a kind of paralysis which made it hard for me to act on anything. They tell me that I’m not good enough to receive the full abundance of the life force, that there’s no point in even trying because I can never get anything right. This has all been triggered by insecurities over money, some big expenses going out and not so much coming in, but essentially there have been no real sudden changes, it is my thoughts that are creating this unsettling vortex inside me.
So inwards I go to release and transform, being able to share all this with my Beloved really helps a lot, he is a good listener and generously holds space for me when I need him to. As a matter of fact he is living proof that I have made ENORMOUS progress! To be loved so completely without reserve is to affirm that I am worthy of such regard.
My trust in life deepens as I continue to let go of anything and everything that may stand in the way of my fullness, of my full participation in the evolution of humanity.
So be it, so be it, so be it…………………………………
Dressing up as an elf can also be great therapy! Yes that’s me, photo by Steve Swayne.
Hello dear Readers, what is life holding for you in this very moment? Is there a thought or a dream that’s been wandering around in your inner being that wants to be expressed in some way? That’s a bit like the writing process for me, this blog is as much about my own therapy as it is about you gorgeous people out there.
There is a lot going on in my life at the moment, not the least of which is my going from being on my own to being with my soul mate. That journey brings its own challenges, it also brings incredible joy and the deepest connection, it isn’t the only way to get there but it certainly is fun! I have been noticing in myself an urge to immerse myself completely in my relationship, the desire to be in that ecstatic loving space all the time. There is a potential danger in this oh so natural process, at least it has been for me, it is so easy to lose myself in the ocean of love.
And this is relationship which is a spiritual practice that I am engaging in now so how much more the temptation to drown in that crazy, delicious place of delight. The funny thing is that the same thing ultimately saves me from tipping over the edge, it’s much harder to lose me these days, I keep finding deeper and deeper layers of who I really am. When you reach a certain point there is no going back, and why would you want to?
And I do let go of who I think I am as I shift into that state of oneness and surrender, but I’m not really losing myself these days, its more like letting go of control. Or maybe you could compare it to the ability of a shaman to move in and out of altered states of consciousness, after all I used to be a shamanic apprentice! Whatever you call it, its nice to have the opportunity to navigate the paths to ecstasy, even when it is shadow, as I release layers of old stuff I become more available to the ecstatic.
Until further notice, celebrate everything! Saint Germain through Azena Ramanda.
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Tagged connection, ecstatic, inner being, journey, ocean of love, relationship, soul mate, spiritual practice, surrender, therapy, writing process