Tag Archives: pain

Erotic Moments Of Awakening.

anais ninSo here I am whipping up a post again and it feels a little bit like dear diary, oh boy I could do such a great x rated tale of events. But this isn’t that kind of a blog, doesn’t mean however that I can’t use the same inspiration to write some erotic literature, perhaps I will look up Anais Nin. I am more familiar with quotes from her but it might be time to read what she wrote, it will probably be different from what I would write but it may take me places I wouldn’t have gone otherwise.

anaisnin budquote

And there has been a lot of pain, very intense at times but this sharing of wisdom is very true for me. At the other end of sometimes agonising pain, I have come to the light at the end of the tunnel and find it good.

anaisnin strongwomanquote

passionate embraceAnd with that wonderful statement I will leave you dear readers as I return to my oh so courageous man……………after all if I’m going to try writing some erotic prose I need to go and do some research.

couple make love

A Pain In The Kidneys Slows Me Down.

too sweetWell I did everything that was on the schedule and reached a point where I could no longer stay with the pain and the discomfort that has been slowly growing worse. So I went to see my friend who gave me a herbal tonic and marshmallow powder, also a medicinal tea and the guidance to avoid alcohol and sugar. Been having a bit more sugar than is good for me although still nothing approaching my old habits, time to swing back to a place of not requiring so much sweetness. At least not in my food anyway.

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Forgive my barely supported visual segue into the realm of the faeries, after my Lord of the Rings themed party and the pleasure of having pointy ears for a night, I may be a little obsessed……….but now back to the story.

My friend confirmed that I had a fairly severe bladder infection and that we needed to hit it hard with the herbs, three times a day. I tried to do my overnight shift but severe pain in my back and probably kidneys sent me home a couple of hours early. Now I have had a day doing nothing much with everything I meant to do cancelled, just eating from the fridge, can’t face shopping. The things a body has to do to get a girl to slow down!

darth vaderOf course that isn’t the whole story, dark forces have been on the move and there is a bit of carnage left, like on the Death card, representing endings. It’s a mopping up operation now and the more efficient I am in this process the lighter I will be, able to manoeuver in a new life that remains complicated while incredibly simple. Yes I know that’s a contradiction but both are true, essentially I am very happy but right in this very moment I have absolutely no energy, at least not in my body.

My mind and spirit are moving and bringing these words to you, I hope they are of some use as I really do get a lot out of putting my thoughts out into the world. Being witnessed is a very powerful exchange, thank you to those who follow my posts, your likes and comments are much appreciated.

thankyou

The Boomerang Of Love: Turning Pain Into Prosperity.

bubblesofjoyThe warm slightly moist air is a container caressing my aura and holding me in the gentle embrace of the mother. Trust in that sense of complete non-judgement, total acceptance of me, no matter what I’ve done, or not done…….may do. Feeling the support of loving community, of loving kindness streaming from my heart out into the world, and the boomerang from that which keeps feeding the air into the ocean of love, keeping me floating, floating……bubbles of joy dancing in the shallows, with sunlight glinting and smiling.

bubblesofjoy2

My inner smile paving the way for prosperity to flow in a golden river, carrying a rich array of resources to wherever there be need. I can sense my readiness to let go once again, allowing my trust in the mother, the father, the self, to keep me afloat as I release tensions held for so very long. With an Ahhhhhhh I tone from the heart space and unwind a thousand heart aches, loss, resentment and grief, anger and pain unbearable, so much can be held in our amazing organic beingness.

riverstyx

Joy may lead us to encounters with the dark side, she does this that we may shed whatever is no longer required and move into the next fabulous stage of what Jean Houston describes as the Possible Human.

“There is no question but that a larger life is latent in the human species and that we live only a small part of the life that is given. For the first time in human history perhaps we can begin to live that life which we are given.”

www.jeanhoustonfoundation.org/downloads/PossibleHuman.pdf

It is exciting and it can also bring up big fears, being truly magnificent ought to be easy you think but the reality can be as overwhelming as the greatest disaster or catastrophe. If I really am that incredible then what have I been doing all of these years! Simple answer, preparing for this moment that you are in now, living your life, being yourself as much as you could manage at any given time, now it’s time to be ALL THAT YOU ARE!!!!!

Let the FUN begin!

Oh and by the way, Happy, Happy, Happy Christmas to you and your loving community, may the love on this day circle the whole globe and TRANSFORM everything!

Oh Mind Be Free.

Walking the fine line between purpose and doing too much, coaxing my lovely body to fulfill the great tasks I ask it to contemplate and carry out, balancing being with running around in happy connection with a beautiful world. ‘Tis the mind that is the rub, careering ahead into the future and picking up deliveries of stress and worry as it goes, wanting to know EVERYTHING, even the unknowable. Wanting, wanting, wanting………….always focused on what it doesn’t yet have, or the pain of past losses, monkey mind needs no whip to keep itself on track, self-flagellation the sport it likes the best!

Adrenalin shoots into cells that only ever wanted to be happy and free, and suddenly aches and pains begin to colour this perfect world, the peaceful place that asks us just to be. A simple request from a physical creation that will do whatever it takes to bring us back into the truth of who we be, ignore your own wisdom at your peril for it shall always have the last word. And isn’t peace what we all truly desire in the end, there will always be weather in this particular sea, but the water has no agenda, it shapes itself according to everything else finding harmony and love in the dance.

happybears

I caress my mind and soothe its many fears and doubts, telling it that it’s not alone, never alone, the larger self will always be there to hold the container of life. Remembering that this journey is supposed to be fun, beer and skittles and love, dancing to great music, making music and flying to the moon and back again. When I release the past and future possibility, allow myself to be fully present in this moment, I wave a magic wand and hey presto, there is absolutely nothing to worry about!

Abracadabra!

Life And Death.

There’s been a bit of a theme in my life these past few weeks, and it’s one of the biggies, death, which is the other side of life, and something we don’t really talk about in this culture. Other cultures have whole books devoted to the subject of how to pass from life into death, I’m talking about ‘The Tibetan Book of the Dead’. I’ve never read it but it talks about all the different stages that happen as you go through the dying process, here we tend to deny even the possibility of death until the last-minute, and then get dragged kicking and screaming into something that terrifies us.

The_grim_reaper

Because I felt responsible for my father’s suicide, I’ve created this strange connection between sexuality and death, although I guess it’s not that strange, after all sexual energy is the life force and death is it’s opposite. Sort of like yin and yang, masculine and feminine, the sun and the moon, they complement each other to create a balance, without which life as we know it would not be possible. My sexual flowering seemed to result in my father’s death, not rational, but that’s what has been held inside me for all of these years, and an awful lot of my shedding this past month has been around that issue.

And as often happens it is reflected in a myriad of other ways, I had to bury a chook this morning, not far from the guinea pig’s grave. It was sad, but I didn’t feel responsible for the passing of either of these animals, I know I did my best for them and there is no guilt there for me at all. I take it as a sign that I am making real progress in the process of release, it may not all be cleared, but an awful lot has gone, no wonder it was so painful.

It’s as if the sun has come out after a time of stormy darkness, and the weather has actually reflected this with the stunning day of blue skies and sunshine that I’ve enjoyed today. I found this great film of one of the songs from the musical ‘Hair’, it’s kind of a flash mob version of ‘Let The Sunshine In’, hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Love and radiance to you all………sunny blissings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klObyJY1W_I

Love This Moment (It’s all you’ve got!)

“Peace is present right here and now, in ourselves and in everything we do and see.
Every breath we take, every step we take, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity.
The question is whether or not we are in touch with it.
We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment.”

An amazing sense of having my life back envelops me in presence, how we can stray and become lost without even realising that we are no longer fully here, in this moment. How long have I been gone I ask myself, and cannot find an answer. I guess I must have popped back from time to time, even if it was simply to write these posts, a wonderful exercise in being present!

There are moments of drinking in nature’s gifts of green leaves and sunshine and listening to the bell birds that have happened over and over again. I remember this clearly, so perhaps I’m being a little bit hard on myself, memories of preparing food with love and talking to quarrelsome chooks and squeaking guinea pigs. I have been here, but I’ve also been spending too much time in an imaginary future that never ever had foundations, I knew that on some level but I chose to be in denial for a time.

So now I AM HERE!!!!! In this body, in this beautiful part of the world, in a life full of love and connection, stimulation and passion, and good old-fashioned fun! Enough of the misery and tears, letting go of the pain and the anger, and if there is even the tiniest bit of resentment, scraping it out with ruthless intent. My favourite definition of resentment comes from Carrie Fisher, not only Princess Leia from Star Wars, but also a very funny author, she says that “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Princess_Leia

Well I’m not going to waste my time waiting for another person to trip themselves up with their own stupidity, they can do that quite well enough on their own. Mmmmmmm………do I note a little bit of anger in that last statement, ok so I’m not perfect, but I’m working on it already! The best way to let go of all of that is to be in my life as fully as I can, and to have fun no matter what I am doing.

LET THE CELEBRATION BEGIN!!!!!!

Phoenix Rising.

A tender spiral invites me to swirl down and down into my soft sweet centre, there are no thoughts there, simply a warm acceptance of my beingness. I flow with the current, as the moon tugs at my innermost parts and asks me to sink into those depths, to let go of surface attachment and to be………… I pause in the midst of madness, and my blood chooses that moment of divine timing to release, carrying sadness, grief and anger, a river of loss and abandonment returning to the source from which it came………….. and being transformed.

Quantum Fractal Energy Mandala: On Facebook.

Quantum Fractal Energy Mandala: On Facebook.

Nothing is ever truly lost, not love nor beauty, for where could it go? In deepest grief this knowing may take a very long time to be truly accepted and integrated. Though we may distract ourselves and pretend that our world is complete, there is always this yawning abyss waiting to engulf us, we fear that it will take us and we may never find our way home again. And yet home is where we’ve always been!

To gradually peel away the layers of self, the false images we created for protection, that became an armour that seemed unbreakable. With each release another distraction loses its charm, and we can begin to become more present with what is actually before us, the truth of the beauty of what our present moment contains. Surely this is worth the trials of sitting with discomfort, with pain and a sense of emptiness that sometimes seems unbearable, for the light at the end of the tunnel may seem far away, but that it is there is certain.

My long dark night of the soul is far behind me, but I would go there again in a moment if that was what the journey required, the blessings that have come to me in its wake are too many to be counted. From the ashes of my pain I am reborn, and the world is a beautiful place………………

The Prayer of Light

Love before me Love behind me Love at my left Love at my right Love above me Love below me Love unto me Love in my surroundings Love to all Love to the Universe

Peace before me Peace behind me Peace at my left Peace at my right Peace above me Peace below me Peace unto me Peace in my surroundings Peace to all Peace to the Universe

Light before me Light behind me Light at my left Light at my right Light above me Light below me Light unto me Light in my surroundings Light to all Light to the Universe