Tag Archives: purpose

Waiting For The Storm.

What is the essence of me, who am I really when all is said and done, what do I contribute to the world simply by being that particular flavour of love shaped into form. I think of all the open faces beaming radiance in my direction as I move in and out of the dimensions of living in a rich tapestry of people and places, what are they telling me and am I listening? Does life begin now as I gather myself to fly high with all these lovely supporters ready to cheer me on as I finally take my purpose with both hands and use it to fuel an amazing vehicle whose tanks will never ever run out.

flying-cars

Old doubts and fears try to insinuate themselves into the new chapter opening up, like the darkness that shadows the clouds as they build and build towards the final release of storm and wind and lightning. At last the rain but no, another false alarm as the dry earth becomes a little dryer and the tanks drop a little lower, as I sink into the arms of my body’s wisdom, wishing for my own storm to arrive. Feels like a waiting game with no rules of engagement, the wisdom of the heart says to do nothing in this moment, simply be, taking each moment as it comes.

amazonia_storm

Another wrenching cough and I surrender, I raise the white flag and I LET GO………….the message is so very clear and I melt into that release, allowing the rising tension to dissipate, to go. If I stayed in this room for the rest of my life and did nothing more, my being would contribute to the evolution of life as we know it, there is absolutely NOTHING to be done.

I AM THAT I AM, I am what I am, I am alive and that is more than enough in this moment!

This has nothing much to do with this post except I’m writing about storms and the song is “Weather With You” from Crowded House, hope you enjoy the song anyway! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag8XcMG1EX4

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Oh Mind Be Free.

Walking the fine line between purpose and doing too much, coaxing my lovely body to fulfill the great tasks I ask it to contemplate and carry out, balancing being with running around in happy connection with a beautiful world. ‘Tis the mind that is the rub, careering ahead into the future and picking up deliveries of stress and worry as it goes, wanting to know EVERYTHING, even the unknowable. Wanting, wanting, wanting………….always focused on what it doesn’t yet have, or the pain of past losses, monkey mind needs no whip to keep itself on track, self-flagellation the sport it likes the best!

Adrenalin shoots into cells that only ever wanted to be happy and free, and suddenly aches and pains begin to colour this perfect world, the peaceful place that asks us just to be. A simple request from a physical creation that will do whatever it takes to bring us back into the truth of who we be, ignore your own wisdom at your peril for it shall always have the last word. And isn’t peace what we all truly desire in the end, there will always be weather in this particular sea, but the water has no agenda, it shapes itself according to everything else finding harmony and love in the dance.

happybears

I caress my mind and soothe its many fears and doubts, telling it that it’s not alone, never alone, the larger self will always be there to hold the container of life. Remembering that this journey is supposed to be fun, beer and skittles and love, dancing to great music, making music and flying to the moon and back again. When I release the past and future possibility, allow myself to be fully present in this moment, I wave a magic wand and hey presto, there is absolutely nothing to worry about!

Abracadabra!

Spirit In The City.

My recent trip away demonstrated to me once again that part of my role is to be a bridge between different worlds, in a shamanic sense we are talking about otherworldly realms. But in societal terms it is about moving in circles that almost feel like they are on different planets, even though they are in the same city. Rich and poor is an obvious contrast but even within the one strand you will find a huge variety in how people think about the meaning of life.

Sydney, Australia.

Sydney, Australia.

What I do encounter in the city on the rare occasions when I do go there, is the sense that a lot of the time people are actually trying to avoid thinking about meaning and purpose in relation to themselves. This is of course endemic in the culture but somehow it feels a lot stronger in a place where there are so many people packed into the environment. Everyone is rushing around until its time to settle in front of the television and turn off the brain, more of a dulling down in my opinion rather than relaxation.

Jacaranda trees in the city.

Jacaranda trees in the city.

Of course not everyone is looking to play their part in the latest zombie movie, I spent a few days with a friend who is a ray of sunshine in the cityscape. She held a toning night for me where I got to meet other amazing souls and connect with old friends. We toned for a woman in her nineties who was passing over at that time and it was incredibly powerful, I was toning with two of my toning buddies the next day and we felt it when she passed.

So if your destiny is to be in an urban landscape there is no reason why it cannot be a positive and uplifting journey, there is much to be done to change the way we do cities and the right people need to be there playing their part. For me though, the country is where I must be, this is where the land and I will sing together, nestled in the bossom of a wondrous and caring community.

May the land and I be one, forever and ever, amen……………..HO!

The Fool Falls!

I’d like to have a go now at bringing together my two current themes, and describe it as letting go into the stillness. There is a certain poetry in the sound and feel of that phrase that to me feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to leap into the unknown. Like the fool in the tarot, I trust that this great leap will take me to wherever I need to go, I dance on the edge of all I have ever known and I fly!

thefoolthe-fool2

Actually I did literally take flight a week ago, unfortunately it ended very quickly with me stretched out full length in the grass. I was rushing to get to my choir practice at the Maleny Music Weekend and very much in my old pattern of, mustn’t be late, mustn’t be late. Pretty straight forward example of an old pattern tripping me up, I was so in my stuff I failed to see the tent rope lying in wait for my unwary foot.

I believe the fall was also a deeper message or wake up call, I was under the impression I was doing ok in terms of awakening to my purpose, but spirit obviously had other ideas! And sometimes being physically shaken like that can shake loose old bits of stuff that we just can’t seem to let go of, I am simply thankful that my newly cemented teeth are still in place. I do feel very different once again, another shift has occurred although not in quite such a dramatic fashion as some of the earlier ones. It started with my teeth and continued with the de-cording operation that my entelechy performed ( if you missed it that story is in “I Love You But…….”), and here I am feeling like a new woman.

It can be a bit disconcerting because you are no longer in your comfort zone, the world is a different place and you are not quite sure how to behave. There is an adjustment period which I am still moving through and this is where the notion of stillness is so important. I have done a huge letting go of an ingrained pattern in relationship and the flow from this into the still place within is all a part of the integration process. I plan to enjoy it as much as possible, to be still even when I am in motion.

Be Yourself!

As more and more of me comes out to play, the threads of my being begin to weave new stories, Bad Queen gives me the strength to stand in the power of who I am, the child brings wonder and joy to every present moment. The writer plunges into the creative flow following a feeling, or a title, a thought, she hits still water and eddys, and then all of a sudden a glint of sunlight on water and the current takes her again and she is off!

Life seems like sunlight on water, puppies and kittens, music that moves the soul, dance that takes the being to new dimensions and ignites a passion for living. Connecting, loving, flirting, engaging in community in all it’s forms, grateful to be alive, such gratitude for the extraordinary world we live in. I’ve become aware of an absence in my being of something that has been there for a very long time, a tension that was more than likely brought into this existence for the very purpose of being finally released in this lifetime.

Wow, all this energy surging through me was being used to hold on to so much stuff! And now that I’ve let go I can channel this energetic flow into the creation of magical miraculous fun-filled projects, that will not only support me in a myriad of ways, but make important contributions to the community. The thing is you can make that contribution just by becoming more of who you are, you don’t have to become a volunteer or raise money for charity although those are perfectly valid pathways if that is the way for you.

The most important thing is to be yourself, if you are full of purpose and inspiration and feeling love in your heart, you can do no harm, to yourself or to others. As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken!”

Nietzschesaying

It’s Just a Ride.

There hasn’t been much about toning in my posts so far, and yet it’s an incredibly important part of who I am. Like moving into the dance, toning is something I feel with my whole being, I become the sound, and the sound is who I am. It was an important part of my healing when I injured my shoulders in 2009, I toned every day for 5 months and the sounds that began to emerge were at times astonishing!

I don’t do perfect harmonics on cue, they come and they go, and what matters is the journey into another reality. Sound is definitely one of the doorways to other dimensions, my dear friend Ulli and I always joke, that it’s our favourite way to get bent. So why don’t I do it every day? Good question, there never seems to be enough time to do everything I want to do, and yet I know that’s a poor response, I know I can do better than that.

I’ve noticed that when I get really busy with work, I actually seem to get more done, something I’ve often heard from others, so I think it’s a fairly common experience. I need to organise my time better, regardless of how many hours I’m working, maybe a daily schedule would be helpful, although the Aquarian in me rebels against such a notion. But the part of me that has two planets in Virgo quite likes the idea, so perhaps I can find a balance between the two.

And in that schedule there will be slots for toning and writing, I did a practice last year where I meditated in silence, then toned, and then wrote from that space, and it was really fascinating to see what came out of the process. I always work with a strong intention, one that I used a lot at that time was:

I open to deeper connection with my larger self, as more and more of my life’s purpose is illuminated and revealed, I live that purpose to the full!

There is no doubt that I am living more of my purpose, but there is always more, more depth, more pleasure, more fun to be had. And if life seems too hard, too stressful, and you think that the power resides everywhere, but inside you, then please remember, it’s just a ride!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMUiwTubYu0

The Source of all the Juice.

I can feel all this poetry swirling around in my head, just below the surface of consciousness, a hint of symmetry, of feeling and of cadence. How can I  tap into this fertile source of creativity and bring forth great bursts of inspiration, a conundrum that has been pondered over for centuries. From what source does such brightness flower?

For me in the past it has simply happened in the moment, lots of different factors coming together to provide that magical opening to the realms of invention. I wrote 34,000 words of a novel once, and while it remains an unfinished manuscript, I learned a lot by going through the process. Once I got through the HUGE resistance to doing it, I found that simply sitting down with a blank page and opening my imaginative eye was all I had to do. There would be a word or a sentence, or an image, and from that all else would flow, like a river of joy.

Writing in the space of this blog is much the same, I generally have no idea what I’m going to write about, I begin and it unfolds, and it often surprises me. I like surprises! You know, I think this is the fun that you have when you’re doing what you are meant to do, the happiness of being in your purpose, the flow of meaning.

I know I have to somehow find ways of actually earning a proper income, so I can do all sorts of basic self-care things, like get my teeth fixed and get my boxes in storage sent up to where I am now. Financially I feel a bit like my hands are tied behind my back, and the blindfold I was wearing is still half on,  old beliefs are still trying to weigh me down and sink me to the bottom of the pool.

But at the same time I am happier than I have ever been, the community that I live in is beautiful and nourishing and I feel like I am resting in the safe space of home. And this writing fills me with exhilaration and excitement, it is a pleasure to craft each post, to find a title and images that come together in a perfection that I can feel in my body.

I am following the path of my heart completely, may it lead me to that far horizon which is within me, the fullness inside that is bursting to be released, full of juicy joy for a wonderful life!

Juicy orange