Tag Archives: rebirth

Summer Solstice Heat: Rebirth Into Love.

fall_harvestAs I began to seek inspiration for my Solstice Toning Circle I noticed a feeling of familiarity that was arising within me at the themes and symbols associated with this event. The sun firing up our passions, desires and sensuality, awakening of consciousness, the colours red, yellow and orange, and the celebration of a bountiful harvest!

rawfood

It began with a session I had of Zen Shiatsu and the guidance I received which matched my intuition completely, I’d been attracted to foods I don’t normally eat so much, like potato and bread, gorgeous organic pies with tomato sauce. Comfort food, and food that has a warming effect on the body according to Chinese Medicine, I also hadn’t felt much like salad which is highly unusual for me and that of course is cold for the body.

Seems I was depleted in my spleen and I certainly had no energy that day, I was so low I could have cried, I thanked myself heartily for having the sense to book this session for myself three weeks previously. I’ve followed the guidance and it feels a bit disconcerting to be eating so differently, fears around getting fat come up a bit but it all seems to be staying balanced so far and I have my energy back.

sourceofpassion

Of course being in love also helps the energy levels, you can go with little sleep for a few days buoyed up on the excitement and thrill of being in that space. Which is the other parallel for me in the Solstice themes, after a long period of abstinence I am full of passion and desire as I explore the awakening of consciousness that can come through approaching relationship as a spiritual practice.

I am overflowing with the heat of summer, that matches the heat of my body, my spirit and my soul, my blood burns like hot lava bursting from the rich moist earth, volcanic eruptions and gentle stirrings of trust reborn.

A Rebirth into love……………..ohm shanti, shanti, shanti………….

And just for a bit of summer silliness here is Madness singing “It Must Be Love” from 1981: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmezIIrFQmY

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Let The Feelings Flow.

As the cold deepens, the energy of the dark womb draws us within, Demeter is mourning for her daughter and her grief is cold as ice, as cold as the underworld where Persephone has gone. The emptiness contains all that we have pushed aside in busier and brighter times, when distractions are easy to come by, and the shadow merely an interesting shape created by the sun’s rays. But now the trees are bare, and though the sun still shines from deep blue skies,  the pull comes from within, our shadow clamouring for our attention.

Surrender to that call, let go into the stillness that you will find as you descend into your own private version of the underworld. What is it that you cannot own or accept as a part of who you be, what aspects of self have you demonised or judged as being unworthy. That which remains unacknowledged can never be transformed or set free, so let yourself be………….all of who you are, this is the key.

We all of us have parts of ourselves that we don’t like very much, if you try to ignore this truth, if you push it down into the deepest part of your being, it will become even more powerful. It will control you from a place that you may not easily be able to access, the longer this goes on the more layers will gather and the harder it becomes to identify and therefore release. Here is a piece I wrote about how I did this very thing with the guilt I felt over my father’s death when I was 15:

My guilt was a mountain the size of Everest and I buried it as deeply as that mountain is tall.

The guilt festered away in the dungeon of my soul and within a brief few years it had eaten away it all, my self-esteem, my sense of worth, my love of self was gone.

It was in the midst of terrible storms on Australia Day that I realised that I had at last rebuilt my self-esteem, 33 years after burying that which I could not face or acknowledge to myself. To read more about that check out my post “Rebirth” on January 30 2013.

Rebirth

This one act of mine shaped my entire life, I cannot regret it for it has brought me to where I am, but I offer my experience as a lesson hard learned. No matter how painful it may be, allow your  feelings to move through you, express them in the moment and let them go, just keep doing that until you are clear, as long as it takes…………..

Shanti, shanti, shanti…………peace, peace, peace…………

Farewell My Love.

I come full circle, the knight goes on forever on his eternal quest for perfection, and I turn away from the fairytale and look upon the world as it is for me. I gaze upon this reality and I feel the resonance in my body, in my soul, held in the emptiness of the void of creation, containing all life, and the seeds for death and rebirth. I will open to what spirit brings unto me, without judgement, I will see beyond the veil, and I will see true.

Knight-1

The deepening of winter draws me into myself, but the space of the hermit is not for me, for I am the connector, the catalyst, that which brings change and shakes up the status quo. You may not see me but you will feel the energy of my creation, as I shine a light that illuminates a bright new path, the road that leads to a new kind of humanity, a new kind of life.

Behind me is the past, all of it, only that which serves will come on this road trip into the future, only the pearls, the swine will stay behind and root in the mud of eternity. My heart still aches gently for the loss of my knight, and yet I know that this parting is a part of what is meant to be, I knew it when we began, and I know it even more so now as we come full circle……….from the darkness into the light.

The Signpost.

I have known thee before,

a long time for evermore,

we have partnered in the dance

and we have loved.

I knew you then, and then, and then,

but for us the dance has changed,

we come together now as friends

and for me you show the way,

to open unto all that I BE,

as the New Age doth unfold,

you open the door and I walk through

my true love to behold.

Copyright Kerry Laizans February 2013.

Here is a beautiful song from Loreena McKennitt called ‘Full Circle’:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97nCHyL6VBw

Crystal Conversations.

I had a play with some of my oracle cards after shifting the stuff that was moving in me after toning circle, and one of the cards I got was Nimue from Lucy Cavendish’s Dragonfae Oracle. She brings transformation and rebirth and asks that I make the full commitment to self that is required to bring this about. She also counsels the use of crystals, and I found the most beautiful piece of celestite at the market the next day, that I just had to have. It supports spiritual and psychic gifts, calms and uplifts the emotional body, aids in mental clarity and is also good as an environmental cleanser.

Celestite.

Celestite.

Once I had it I couldn’t let it go, it’s kind of an egg shape that fits perfectly into the palm of my hand, and the longer I held it the more I could feel the energies moving through my body. It’s sitting by me now as I work at the computer, and I can feel my connection to it almost as if we were having a conversation at some subtle level.

Crystals can really help and support us in many different ways, they too vibrate just as we do and are a part of the energy field we all inhabit. So it’s not so suprising that there can be interaction between us, I was once saved by some shards of rhodochrosite, if you would like to read that story check out “My Strawberry Heart”.

rhodochrosite.

rhodochrosite.

I always wear some crystals when I go to work on the crisis phone lines on my overnight shifts, all of them offer protection and each have particular qualities that always seem in sync with the calls I get that night. On the nights I get more challenging calls I often find I am wearing rose quartz which supports the heart, or jasper which is very grounding.

In my next post I will tell you the story of my very first experience with a crystal, when it helped me to support my aunt in her passing.

Gratitude and loving blissings to my friends of the Mineral Kingdom, thank you for your beauty and for the wonderful support that you offer!

crystals

Rebirth.

I’ve been asked a couple of times what I mean when I talk about processing stuff and releasing it out of the body. Stuff seems like a terribly vague description, yet its hard to find another word that sums it up as well. There are so many elements involved when shifts are occurring, it’s feelings, physical sensations, thoughts, movement of energy, somehow stuff just seems to cover all possibilities.

For me I often notice a sensation of dis-ease in my belly, if there is a lot going on it can affect my appetite so I’m not very hungry. In the lead up to my big release last saturday, I ate out at the film society and they had one of my favourite deserts, lemon tart, but I had absolutely no desire for it, couldn’t even finish my main meal.

When I left the rain was pouring and the wind was howling, and I began to feel a sense of emptiness and deep sadness even as I drove away. By the time I got home the sadness was really strong and I sat to write for a time, I let words just come, I reflected on my afternoon and evening, nothing seemed to fit for what I was feeling.

Finally I went to bed and lay there not able to sleep as the feelings continued to move and my mind wandered. At one point I remembered something I had said to my friend about the decimation of my self-esteem, from the age of 16 to about 18, and how I felt that I had only rebuilt the last of it in the last year and a half, here in my new home. In that moment everything came together and I thought of taking 30 years to come back to myself, and I wept as I released all the feelings and sensations that had been swirling around inside me.

It felt HUGE and the next day I felt AMAZING, mum came to visit and noted how clear I was looking, after she’d gone I looked in the mirror and it was like a new person looking back at me. Who is this gorgeous woman I said to myself as I gazed upon this incredible sight, the clarity in my face was extraordinary!

Whatever we have experienced and not fully expressed, gets crystalised in the cells of the body. You can understand past events with your mind but at the end of the day, it will be the trauma held in your cellular memory that is actually running you. It’s an ongoing process, I had another big release the next night and even now I can feel dis-ease in my belly.

I have the intention to heal everything in this lifetime, so I really can’t complain when things keep coming up. Slowly but surely my life gets better and better, my capacity for experiencing happiness and joy continues to expand, and at last I can truly say to myself, I love you Kerry, you are perfect exactly as you are in this moment, and mean every word.

Rebirth