Even when you are doing your level best to be conscious about how you are responding to life’s ups and downs, there are sometimes days when you find that the rabbit hole seems to have become a black hole! I started off discombobulated yesterday and the swirling vortex of doom and despair just kept swirling down and down as the day wore on. We were supposed to move into a house sit but our friends are going to Bali and a volcano over there is playing havoc with plane schedules so it isn’t happening now until the end of the week. A relatively small thing really but something about it triggered me into an awkward space where it felt like everything was completely hopeless, especially me.
Oh I hear you say, but don’t you have all these wonderful tools that can shift you into a different frequency in mere moments? Well yes of course I bloody do but in that space of no hope the will to do anything positive and constructive is pretty difficult to locate. My resistance was so great I didn’t want to do anything but wallow and make pathetic sounds and get cuddles from my Beloved. At some point I surrendered to the fact that I wasn’t going to get much done and I read a book and watched episodes of Battlestar Galactica. When going to sleep I connected with my guides and helpers upstairs and asked them to help me move into a better space for the next day.
At some point in the night I woke myself up calling out in the midst of what I can only assume was a nightmare but I have no conscious memory of it. Maybe that helped to clear something because I woke up feeling a tad more positive about the possibilities of my day. I could feel myself still a bit on edge but after breakfast my Beloved and I went for a walk and then we came home and did some meditation. The resistance to being kind to me had dispersed and the simple act of walking and then sitting in stillness brought peace and calm to my body and mind. It also feels good to be following my intention to meditate more often, at least four times a week by the beginning of December.
So here I am at the computer getting things done and feeling much better about myself and my life. There has been no fundamental change to my circumstances since yesterday and yet I feel like a completely different person. So if you are having a bad day don’t spend too much time looking outside of yourself for a savior or some kind of change that will make everything better. Try being with the horrible feelings and letting it all be there as much as is practical. And don’t be afraid to ask for help from whatever you relate to as a higher power, you are worth it!
Here is a song about being awake that is on our next playlist, “Spirit in Earth: Celebration!” The song is “The Silent Awakening” by Tina Malia.
There is a feeling of great satisfaction to be found in finally getting on with tasks that you have been wanting to do for ages but can’t quite seem to find the time for. It is much easier to think and be creative in a space that has some order to it and having beautiful things to gaze upon has also become incredibly important to me over the years. Our physical environment is an important reflection of how we think about ourselves, even if someone else picked it all out that very fact says a lot about you.
At night my Beloved and I love to light candles all around the room and turn the lamps off, candlelight is not only more romantic than electric it is also softer. Of course you need good light to read by but how about scheduling in times where you have the softness of candles warming the space. Quiet time with no television or computers, time where you simply sit with your thoughts and feelings and allow yourself to be rather than do. I go on about this sort of thing a lot and yet even I notice resistance in myself when contemplating time spent in this fashion.
We live in a culture where it is all about doing, not surprising when you consider the ways in which society is dominated by the masculine. As we come into balance as a civilisation it is important to learn how to value ‘being’ as much as we do action. The best way that I can do this is by embodying this principle in my own life, not just when I am with my Beloved, but when I am on my own. So I will consider how best I can achieve this, regular sitting meditation is probably a good place to start. I am booked in for a 10 day Vipassana at the end of January next year so getting into training is probably a good idea!
I will keep you posted on my progress, even as I am writing this I can feel resistance so it is going to take some focus and a strong intention. Perhaps I will actually make a statement here, to be doing at least four sessions of meditation a week by the beginning of December.
Well I have certainly been in the wars since I last spoke to you! I’m glad I re-told you a story that neatly illustrated the idea that your body is speaking to you and that understanding this can bring healing and release. Not that it felt neat at the time but the way the rash began to get better as soon as I had taken action felt like a miracle as well as being a blessed relief. At the moment I am still in process but there is some relief as I no longer have a terrible itch on my hands and arms. And my left shoulder is still very sore but so much better than it was, I had to keep it as still as possible because all movement was painful.
I have had a couple of sessions on the energy that is moving through and it seems like it is ancestral connections that may need to be healed. That may well be part of the job I signed up for when I agreed to come to Planet Earth at this momentous time in humanity’s history. I found a road in my left shoulder which leads to where I need to go but there was resistance in me and I wasn’t quite ready to take that path. I think it needs to happen soon but not quite yet, I will feel my way into the future and see how it emerges from the mix.
For we all have within us the vision of all that we are. past, present and future, asked by society to be small we get scared by such a vast picture. We think it’s too much for us but it can give you clues to important aspects of your own existence. I have gone into the clouds with my Beloved having left our old bodies in a ceremony, there we meet a dear old friend who went some time before us. It felt like a true vision to me, they are rarely very long but they are intense and have a ring of authenticity about them.
Life can shift at a moment’s notice and yet there are what seem to be solid markers on the path that can be perceived when in a meditative or altered state of consciousness. Anyway I do seem to be surviving this latest episode, more insights if any come, love and tons of blissings to you all!
Well there’s good news and bad, whatever was in my neck has definitely gone, but my bladder is flaring up again. The medicine circle was beautiful as always and I received the understanding that I had shifted something in my body and that it was gone. I also got the message that I need to move my body more often in dance as well as yoga. Messages from spirit often tell us things we already know, gentle reminders of the treasure of knowledge that we carry within ourselves.
I asked for physical healing in my circle and so I am wondering where the bladder fits into this picture. I recently cleared a layer of very dark stuff which I thought the bladder infection was a physical manifestation of but here it is again bringing my attention to something that needs healing. So either it’s something new or I am meeting a deeper layer of the same energies.
I can feel resistance to looking at what this is about and as I sit here I can feel anger in the burning down below, there is a part of me that just wants everything to be fine without having to look at anything. This resistance seems to be manifesting through my computer which is behaving in the strangest fashion, the keyboard has gone mad and I wasn’t able to write my post much less fix the problem. I am writing this on another computer and really struggling to make myself keep going, like a part of me wants to give up.
There is an aspect of me that doesn’t want to be here which I’ve worked with before this, maybe I am meeting a deeper layer of it. Whatever the answer may be I will have to explore it in future posts, I can only keep up this much coherence for a limited time. With any luck I will be able to soon report some clarity on this issue, until then I shall sail the sea of confusion, trusting that the energetic currents will take me where I need to go.
And herbs for the infection without a doubt, this is one of those times when I need to take care of the physical directly as well as find the place from which this issue has come. I asked for physical healing, this dis-ease may well be a part of that process………….be careful what you ask for…….the Gods may just give it to you!
My current view!
The powerful energies of transformation have been hard at work and I for one am feeling the benefits of staying focused on creating change in my life, at the same time that I am taking good care of myself. Having said that I do still have a cold in my system that has been hanging around for over three weeks now, and I have taken herbal tonics, lots of lime juice, and slowed down considerably. It might be tempting to ask myself what I’m doing wrong but that would be counter productive, as well as the care I have taken in the outer world I am doing lots of healing in my inner realms, in my temple.
The Inner Neural Workout!
I mean, what more can a girl do I ask myself, simple answer really, just keep doing what you are doing and don’t give up! I believe the cold is a sign that the detox on all levels of my being is continuing and that the work I’m doing is paying off, this is where being bloody minded can come in handy to marshal my persistence to new levels of determination. I am meditating every day and going into my temple to heal myself, there are a few things I am working on and some I will keep to myself for now, but rest assured I am including my immune system in this process.
Life is still very busy but I am coping with it now and can truly enjoy all the fun aspects, which is pretty much all of it, flamenco, choir, my work as a crisis counsellor and as a psychic, my writing for this blog. I’m back in the space of inspiration and joy with it all. So the theme of balance that came in with the New Moon in Libra feels complete now, and the focus is on Scorpio’s influence of deep transformation, letting go of the resistance that has played the saboteur in the past. Hence the body’s method of shedding through bodily fluids, even as I cough and blow my nose (only very occasionally), I am feeling uplifted and have a sense of deep peace in my body.
Doing a house sit in a place that doesn’t have the usual right angles everywhere and expansive views of the green rolling hills as I sit out on the balcony, is also a big contributing factor to this peaceful feeling. If you are ever in a place that isn’t the usual modern architecture, you know, high ceilings, rounded shapes and sloping angles, notice how this makes you feel in your body. I have a feeling of nourishment and joy that comes from this difference in the space that brings a softness to my heart that is quite delicious.
But wherever you may be, tune into the environment and find some kind of joy in it, even if that seems like a huge challenge, there is always a choice and why not make it a positive one! It’s a bit like the state of consciousness that the American Indians call ‘Beauty’s Way’, where even a rubbish dump seems vividly beautiful…………….the sacred is everywhere…………Ho!
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Tagged Beauty's Way, change, consciousness, detox, energy, focus, immune system, inner realms, Inspiration, joy, meditation, peace, resistance, transformation
Time to write a little on the energies that came in last weekend with the New Moon in Scorpio, and of course there was a solar eclipse too which made it even more powerful. No wonder I had that bad gastro attack, Scorpio is deeply transformative and very emotional, I felt renewed and cleaned out afterwards, and since then there are quite a few things that have been ‘stuck’, that are now flowing. What I find particularly fascinating is the element that the eclipse brought to this mix, it was all about helping us to see where we have been resistant to change, exactly what I am noticing in myself over this past week. I spoke of using EFT (emotional freedom technique) to clear the resistance to using my recent learnings for creating my new lifestyle and for healing myself, and in doing this I’ve become very aware of exactly what that resistance is.
It isn’t exactly new information, but I’m finally at the bedrock of this core belief, and the work I’m currently doing will clear the last of the barrier that has been like a glass ceiling for me all of my life. It says that I’m not good enough and that the things that work for other people to create health and abundance will never work on me, I’m different somehow and everyone else is better than me. Sounds so silly when you say it like that, but that’s what I’ve been carrying around for most of my life, it isn’t surprising that I haven’t been able to fully utilise all the amazing therapies and ideas that have been so abundant in my experience.
So before I even begin to use the Alpha brain techniques I sit down and I tap on my meridians while stating that, “Even though I don’t believe these methods will ever work on me, I totally and completely love, honour and respect the amazing and beautiful person that I am!” And variations on that theme, apart from tapping in the correct places on the body the most important thing is to invest what you are saying with strong emotion. Actually that goes for all of this stuff, for it to work it needs to truly matter to you, remember we are fooling the brain here, and it’s the feeling that gives our thoughts so much power.
I’ve been a master of change all my life, riding the edge and learning how to be happy even while I was creating difficult circumstances that I would then have to somehow navigate. I stand now on the brink of a new chapter, yes I keep going on and on about it I know, but you have to understand this is very exciting for me. I guess my hope is that you will find this inspiring, and then go off and do whatever your new chapter looks like, or maybe you’re already doing it.
What I do know is that our world and our people need us to wake up and to take responsibility for our awesome abilities and gifts, we really truly are the people we have been waiting for.
So be it, so be it, so be it…………..
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Tagged abundance, Alpha brain techniques, core belief, EFT, emotions, energy, flow, healing, love, New Moon in Scorpio, resistance, solar eclipse, transformation
As I write this for tomorrow night I am having to breathe into the deep nausea that lies in my belly, it does seem to help but the sickness comes and goes in waves. Yes, you guessed it, more illness rolling in as I continue to push the envelope, this time it’s a gastro attack and believe me you don’t want to know the details. I probably shouldn’t be even writing this post but I can be extremely stubborn about things I really want to do so here it goes.
I have started to use some of the techniques in the course I am doing and I thought I would start by asking the question, how can I make money as a writer and see what messages spirit sends me. If there has been an answer I haven’t seen it but I’ve been so busy my focus isn’t always as sharp as it could be, what I do think has occurred is that some deep part of me is very shaken up by what I am attempting and this sickness is trying to stop me.
The day that all this is happening is very interesting too, it’s the first day of November, All Hallows Day, also known as the Day of the Dead. I had planned on doing a ritual with my staff but all I could do in the end was lie in bed and try to sleep, hoping the nausea would go away. It is a day to honour the ancestors but some believe that there are also evil spirits around and that one should stay indoors, which is what I ended up doing. It’s a significant day for me because of an experience I had five years ago in the Blue Mountains, it is quite a story and I told it in four parts beginning with “The Birth Canal” on March 8 2013 if you missed it and would like to check it out.
A Gathering of Evil Spirits.
But the only obstruction around at the moment is me, it might be nice to project on to evil spirits as being responsible but it won’t help me get what I want. So I will finish this post and get myself to bed, programming myself to wake up in good health with lots of energy to prepare for my toning circle. This time we are working with the energies of the New Moon in Scorpio plus there is a solar eclipse, Scorpio is deeply transformative and the eclipse helps us to see where we are resistant to change. So that probably also makes sense in the light of what is happening in this moment, but more on all of this in another post, time for me to prepare for my rest.
Love and transformational blissings to you all!
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Tagged All Hallows Day, evil spirits, health, illness, love, New Moon in Scorpio, resistance, solar eclipse, spirit, toning, transformation
In an attempt to slow myself down a little and get over the latest bug invasion, I find myself watching re-runs of Sex and the City, if you’re looking for something light and airy that skates over the surface of the bigger issues in life then you really can’t go wrong with this show. I managed two episodes and was into the third when suddenly I couldn’t do it anymore, it’s actually very well written and there are some very funny lines, but in the end I reached a point where the complete lack of substance tripped my boredom meter into overdrive.
Sex and the City.
I just hope that nobody has ever used this program to inform themselves about sexuality and relationships, there’s all this conversation about the mechanics of intercourse and whether people should be monogamous or have threesomes. Ok so they do get into subjects like trust from time to time but it’s usually in the context of someone cheating in a relationship, nowhere is there the slightest hint of spirituality and even love is somehow trivialised.
I think of myself as a bit of a novice in the relationship game, and what experience I do have doesn’t give me much to go on, it’s all part of a chapter that is closing and my intention is to do things very differently as I move into this new phase of my life. In order to transform the old into something shiny and new I actually need to focus on myself, becoming whole in the parts of me that are still resistant to all of the great inner work I’ve done over the years.
At the start of my second morning of study earlier in the week, our facilitator said something that has really stuck with me ever since, if you ‘know’ something but aren’t using it in your life then do you really ‘know’ it at all? There isn’t anything in the course I’m doing so far that I haven’t heard before, and I’ve incorporated lots of that information over the years into my life to produce big change. But there are some very basic fundamentals that haven’t really changed much at all and this is very much crunch time for me, all I can do is trust that I am in the right place to find the tools that will help me to break down the final barrier to my fully becoming all that I am.
I am feeling an enormous sense of completion, things are coming to an end, some things may come back but nothing will ever be the same again, this is a good thing. They do say that change is the only constant, but we generally have big internal structures that will determine how we respond to change, or react. Sometimes we resist change and even that is not automatically a bad thing, it might be divine redirection taking you on a different path, or perhaps introducing a note of caution.
But there are times when those big constructs of values, beliefs and ideas, need to be challenged and that which is no longer useful, can be let go of. In the Tarot the card of The Tower symbolises this aspect of development, likely you will visit this space more than once in a lifetime if you are growing and evolving through your life. For me there has been a lot of movement in the area of ego, more in the egotistical view of myself as lesser, which is just as silly as having an over-inflated opinion of oneself. Resting in a true appreciation of whatever your gifts are, expressing your life force in whatever is the right way for you in the moment that you are in, sounds much more appealing doesn’t it.
So the question to explore then is what kind of ending do we have here, it feels very balanced so it might be the card of The World where the ending is very complete, not much unfinished business if any. That’s something I will sit with, if there is anything unresolved I need to attend to it so there is nothing barring the way for a new beginning to unfold!
Bring it on my compassionate cohorts, Michael, Germain, Aphrodite and Mary, and all the Heavenly Hordes!!
This is a kind of end of the world song from the late 80’s from “World Party”, it’s called “Ship of Fools”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHh0V7UjVXI
And here is the song that tells you what to do about it, “Private Revolution”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaYcJQej5Uw
A few posts ago I told the story of how I shifted some deep feelings that had been triggered in my yoga class (Goodbye Sweetheart: 21 Aug 2013), it was on this occasion a fairly quick process. This has not always been the case for me and even now I come up against resistance to letting go of my stuff, it isn’t the brick wall that it used to be but it can still be a challenge to move through. With the sorrow that I described that was in my heart, I did notice that there was a part of me that wanted to hold on to that feeling.
When dealing with unexpressed emotions from the past it is sometimes necessary to wallow a bit in that sea of grief or whatever it is that is coming up for you. Give the feeling its full expression and then let it go, that’s the theory but in practice it isn’t always quite so easy. I’ve known people who work on themselves constantly who become addicted to the process of bringing the feelings up but can never seem to actually release them. It’s as if these feelings and the story that they are attached to is so much a part of who they are, on some level they fear that by letting go they will lose their identity.
So the actual letting go part, how do you do it? As a kinesthetic person I feel it in my body, bring my awareness to wherever it is in my body, usually in the belly or the heart. Then I might breathe or tone into that part of my body, or I might use a visualisation as I did with the sorrow, seeing it as a mist and putting it into a sparkling bottle. Your imagination is an important tool in any kind of inner work, a key ingredient for creating change, Einstein said:
“Your imagination is a preview of life’s coming attractions.”
You do need to be committed (not to an asylum!) and to be prepared to give yourself focused time to drop into the parts of you that lie beneath the surface. I found it easier to create the time for that kind of thing after giving up television which I pretty much stopped watching twelve years ago. Try shifting your perception of what it is to spend time dropping within, don’t see it as work, it can be lots of fun even as it challenges and confronts. And the clarity and energy and joy that emerges the more that you heal that which is incomplete, the ecstasy of feeling whole and connected to all things, it’s better than any tv show I ever saw.
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Tagged addiction, Akhundova Samra, connected, ecstasy, Einstein, energy, fear, feelings, grief, heart, identity, imagination, kinesthetic, perception, resistance, shift, sorrow, stuff, visualisation