My yoga class today took me very, very deeply into myself, and by the time I reached savasana at the end I was experiencing a huge shift of energy that was focused on my heart. It felt like sorrow, such sadness and I am not quite sure where I went, I know it took me a long time to come back into myself. I went into town and did the things that I had to do, but only part of me was present, somehow I managed to choose a birthday card for a friend, actually in that space it probably made the choosing easier, I just let my intuition have complete control!
When I finally got the chance to sit with the feelings in my own space the grief in my heart was so intense it was as if my heart was wailing in its sorrow. I used the heartfire gateway meditation (My Fiery Heart: 15 Aug 2013) and I saw the sadness as a grey mist swirling around, there was a blue bottle and I began to encourage the mist to enter into the bottle which was sparkling on the outside. The mist seemed endless but eventually it was all in the bottle which I took into the centre of my being. The mist inside began to sparkle and give off a golden light and then it burst out of the bottle and my heart felt open and expanded and free!
I followed that up with the Daily Activation of Light and the energy has completely shifted, there is a bit of uncertainty in my heart but it is excitement with perhaps just a dash of doubt. That was a very quick process! Oh and I forgot to mention, I toned as the sparkling mist shot out of the bottle, the sound really helped in the transformation from sorrow to joy. In fact it was rather like a champagne bottle being opened which I always associate with celebration.
And now as I sit here the knowing of what the grief is about is coming to me, echoes of loss down the eons and through time and space, a soul mate lost, back then and then here again in this life. Some things are simply not meant to be, and it is time to let go of the sadness over this, for every time I make the space, a new joy comes rushing in.
So be it, so be it, so be it…………………….
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Tagged energy, grief, heart, intuition, meditation, savasana, shift, sorrow, soulmate, toning, yoga
I did meditate after writing my last post, and it had the usual effect of bringing me into a more peaceful state of consciousness, it smoothed me into sleep and the acceptance of how things are. In yoga this morning we had a long savasana (corpse pose), and there were a few flies, and so our teacher put a blanket over my face between two blocks to keep them at bay. I immediately wanted to throw the blanket off, felt fear and intense claustrophobia, so I breathed long and deep and stepped back from those feelings. It helped the energy to move, but I kept losing focus and I didn’t get a full release, so I will have to try to find the time to process it later this afternoon.
So how should I do that? There are a number of options, I could meditate and allow my body to do whatever it feels necessary, usually it will make jerking movements with the pelvis and shake in order to release. I may have a sense of what I’m letting go of, in savasana I was getting a connection to a past life as a priestess, where I was part of a ritual that involved me taking a drug to simulate death, kind of like Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. Or I may simply feel energy moving without any story, as long as it goes I don’t really mind.
I could also put on some music and dance it out, in fact I have three Gabrielle Roth dvds, each is a thirty minute dance meditation journey, that’s what I’m leaning towards, but it does depend on the availability of space as I no longer have a house to myself. When I tune into my body it’s begging me to move, I can feel the desire in the cells, they clamour for healing movement so they can let go of the old, stale energy and make room for fresh new inspiration. I will honour my body and simply work with whatever space is available, movement doesn’t always have to be on a grand scale to do the job.
“If you put the body in motion, you will change. You are meant to move: from flowing to staccato, through chaos into lyric and back into the stillness from which all movement comes………..The spirit in motion heals, expands, circles in and out of the body, moving us through the layers of consciousness from inertia to ecstasy. Open to the spirit, and you will be transformed.”
Maps to Ecstasy, Gabrielle Roth, Nataraj Publ., Novato, CA, 1989.
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Tagged consciousness, dance, ecstasy, energy, focus, Gabrielle Roth, Inspiration, meditation, music, release, savasana, spirit, yoga
As a reader I often find that whatever I am telling my client has many reflections for myself, must be something to do with frequency that brings our energies together at a particular time. I mentioned a post or so ago that the message stillness was coming at me from all directions, well here it was again as I did a reading for somebody. So I’m looking at my day and realising that I haven’t actually meditated, except for a brief savasana (corpse pose) after my morning stretches, I know the idea of stillness is to bring it into other activities too, but there isn’t anything quite like just sitting in stillness.
I have another client soon and then I need to get a bit of sleep before my overnight shift, what better way to start my rest than to sit in stillness. In fact I have gone to work without sleep but having meditated, and been fine, sometimes a lot better than fine! The trick is to remember to do it, here I am going on and on about such things and I can still manage to forget, thank the Goddess that spirit keeps sending me reminder notes.
And in that place of stillness I can look at some of the issues that are swirling around me at the moment, they are pretty basic when you think about it, money and sex! Even though I am in a place of trust with both of these topics, my uneasy belly tells me that some old patterns are being activated, might have to think about another breath session before too long. In the meanwhile I need to spend as much time as possible in quiet reflection, I’m moving to a house sit in the bush in a week and a half and it will be the perfect place to do this.
Being in stillness doesn’t mean becoming a hermit though, I intend to find beautiful depths of myself as I sit quietly, and then allow that to emerge into my connections with all the gorgeous people I am fortunate to know and love. The love will expand and so will I, and the world becomes a better place…………….love and blissings to you all!
I had a really great experience of the true meaning of yoga in my class today, probably the most powerful shift of consciousness I’ve encountered in such a setting. My inner gaze was even more focused than usual and that’s saying something, being on the first day of my moon cycle probably lent more power too. I did a women’s sweatlodge once when a lot of the women were close to their moon time and we were on fire it was so hot in there!
I lost all sense of time and the two hours of the class seemed to disappear into the moment of NOW, and NOW……….and NOW. Towards the end we spent a long time in pigeon pose which opens up the hips, I was really riding the edge of my capacity and it kept me in full presence for every moment as I opened……..and opened. I lay in savasana where you lie on your back with your whole body relaxed and let go, and as I did that I felt a wave of grief and loss move through me. The waves kept coming as I continued to release and release, it was a beautiful space to be in, in that moment I was not holding on to anything, such freedom!
So I thought that was it, that was the shift, but stuff was continuing to move underneath, and I started to feel a bit strange talking to my teacher at the end of the class. I became a bit scattered and felt awkward and as I left I began to realise that the shift was actually still occurring. In the rainforest with my bare feet walking the earth I finally worked it out. Along with the grief and loss there was a layer of deep mistrust of the masculine moving through me, and that feeling was reacting to my male teacher as it moved on through.
You may have already guessed that this has something to do with my father, I will talk more about him at another time but let me say that losing your dad at a young age is always going to be tough for a daughter. Losing him to suicide makes it even more intense and it has been a life long journey for me to work through all the feelings around it, it was 33 years ago and still there are deep feelings coming up for release.
You don’t really get over events like that, you adjust to a different world, and in time you may even be able to see the blessings that came with the trauma, I know that I do……….thanks Dad………I will always love you.
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Tagged consciousness, father, focus, grief, moon cycle, pigeon pose, power, presence, release, savasana, yoga