Tag Archives: sexuality

Write, Release, Transition With Gratitude And Love.

Posted on May 4, 2014 | Leave a comment

spider writingWell I asked for clarity and that’s what I got in my medicine circle, some messages still to come but what has come through is very clear. Three posts a week in this blog is wonderful but to truly take on and inhabit that role I need to be doing more. If I win the lottery tomorrow I need to do more writing even if it’s me volunteering my time. That’s what spider came to tell me and it was delivered rather dramatically so I  really ought to take notice.

The horses are representing my sexuality which is flowering like a thousand petaled lotus flower and triggering all sorts of stuff. Bladder infections, rashes, all the disapproval and judgement that has come into my being through the experience of coming into the world through the particular energetic pathways that I have, is being released.

horse libido

When you let go of stuff that has been placing limitations on your potential there is an adjustment that needs to be made in the cells of the body. Integration is required and as this occurs change will flow from the new frequencies, as I feel my way into that flow I will find the details of this new chapter.

LotusFlower

So I will endeavour to be patient and cheerful as I go through this transition, life is pretty good so it becomes easy to have gratitude.

As a friend reminded me today, “An attitude of gratitude, gives you the altitude!”

Fly high my friends!

“Some day, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love; and then for the second time in the history of the world man will have discovered fire.”

flames burn

Teilhard de Chardin.

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Yearning Is The Key To Love.

Posted on February 28, 2014 | Leave a comment

consciouslove“Your yearning for love is so powerful that I can feel your heart all the time. When you openly love me I can feel your heart, but I can also feel your heart’s yearning when you are angry or sad. To me your heart is always calling even though sometimes I am unable to open with you because your emotions divert me. I may be afraid or distracted and you may be upset, but  still I feel your heart’s yearning. And I need to feel your heart. Your yearning draws me back into love’s depth.  Your yearning is my invitation into your heart.”

Dear Lover, David Deida, Sounds True, Boulder CO, 2005, p 11.

I think I am beginning to truly understand the power that a woman has in love-making when she stays in her heart and radiates lots of yummy energy. And actually it isn’t just when you are connecting with each other sexually that this process can be happening, just as David Deida says in the above quote, your man needs to feel your heart. Be in that place all the time, when you are washing dishes or taking out the rubbish, if times are tough you will navigate them better when you stay in your heart.

Heart-Light

“Deep heart yearning is not a problem to be solved, but a divine pull to open as devotional surrender, as wide as all, now. With or without a man, whether or not you feel worthy, you can offer your heart’s openness  through your yearning, right now, as you are.”

David Deida, p 12.

For me this quote sums up in many ways my entire spiritual path, particularly since I embarked on shamanic techniques, ceremony, sound, dance, psychedelics, bodywork and breath work, for the last 13 years. For ten years I took myself on many journeys that all ultimately led to the same place, my own heart, loving myself. In my wonderful home I have re-built the last part of my self-esteem and let go of much of my old patterning in relationship.

heartchakravenus

Now I am doing it with my man and while the new beginning, the dawning chapter of my opening is a little daunting at times, still we navigate it with good communication and a lot of love. My breasts and in particular the nipples are doorways to expand the heart that open up the channels so that sexual energy can flow, this feels good and can enhance your well-being at any time of the day or night! There are many resources out there my sisters and loving men if you want to find out more about this phenomenon, Diana Richardson’s  Tantric Orgasm for women is a wonderful book that talks about this.

But the best research is experiential so go to it my friends, for men on their own the recipe may vary but there is great information out there for all beings wanting to fully express their life energy in the world. Don’t settle for anything less, the path may seem a bit rocky at times but always worth it and never boring, the further I go along the path of the heart the more it becomes an ecstatic journey anyway.

transparent-bodies-moving1

Until further notice celebrate everything! From Saint Germain through Azena Ramada.

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Transform The Darkness: From Sex To Superconsciousness.

Posted on February 5, 2014 | Leave a comment

LoveAs human beings on the planet we all have masculine and feminine energy within us, in the last post I talked about shakti  and how tuning in can open us to our natural orgasmic nature. This is available for everyone, men and women, my Beloved has been exploring his shakti and it is a fascinating journey for both of us. My issues have been very much with the masculine and I am learning to let go of the memories and to sometimes step into that energy which is beautiful when it is in right relation to everything else.

So much of what has been seen as a part of the devil is simply a culture gone completely out of whack, where sexuality is frowned upon  and even forbidden sometimes. Osho speaks about how the science of tantra has developed in the east and that your:

“sexual energy can become your spirituality……….. It is proved beyond doubt-thousands of people have gone through the transformation. Tantra seems to be the science that is, sooner or later, going to be accepted in the whole world, because people are suffering from all kinds of perversions…………repressed sexuality is the problem. My whole effort has been how to make your sex a natural, accepted phenomenon so there is no repression-and then you don’t need any pornography, so that there is no repression-and then you don’t dream of sex. Then the energy can be transformed.”

Osho, Sex Matters: From Sex To Superconsciousness, in Diana Richardson, Tantric Orgasm For Women.

Shiva and Shakti.

Shiva and Shakti.

I have been letting go of some energies that didn’t feel very nice as they moved through me, some is from this life and some from past lives, who knows maybe I am tuning in to the experience of women over the centuries. Perhaps as I transform this darkness I am doing not only myself a great service, but maybe the whole of existence. It certainly feels lighter for me on every level of my being as I learn that it doesn’t always have to be painful to be alive, the parts of me that were traumatised are beginning to smile. They feel safe now to be themselves and it will be interesting to see what grows out of this place.

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What You ‘Know’.

Posted on October 27, 2013 | Leave a comment

In an attempt to slow myself down a little and get over the latest bug invasion, I find myself watching re-runs of Sex and the City, if you’re looking for something light and airy that skates over the surface of the bigger issues in life then you really can’t go wrong with this show. I managed two episodes and was into the third when suddenly I couldn’t do it anymore, it’s actually very well written and there are some very funny lines, but in the end I reached a point where the complete lack of substance tripped my boredom meter into overdrive.

Sex and the City.

Sex and the City.

I just hope that nobody has ever used this program to inform themselves about sexuality and relationships, there’s all this conversation about the mechanics of intercourse and whether people should be monogamous or have threesomes. Ok so they do get into subjects like trust from time to time but it’s usually in the context of someone cheating in a relationship, nowhere is there the slightest hint of spirituality and even love is somehow trivialised.

I think of myself as a bit of a novice in the relationship game, and what experience I do have doesn’t give me much to go on, it’s all part of a chapter that is closing and my intention is to do things very differently as I move into this new phase of my life. In order to transform the old into something shiny and new I actually need to focus on myself, becoming whole in the parts of me that are still resistant to all of the great inner work I’ve done over the years.

resistanceahead

At the start of my second morning of study earlier in the week, our facilitator said something that has really stuck with me ever since, if you ‘know’ something but aren’t using it in your life then do you really ‘know’ it at all? There isn’t anything in the course I’m doing so far that I haven’t heard before, and I’ve incorporated lots of that information over the years into my life to produce big change. But there are some very basic fundamentals that haven’t really changed much at all and this is very much crunch time for me, all I can do is trust that I am in the right place to find the tools that will help me to break down the final barrier to my fully becoming all that I am.

Hallelujah!

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Opening To The Divine.

Posted on September 14, 2013 | Leave a comment

So what the hell is attraction anyway, a strong energy felt between two people that draws them together, unmet needs searching for a home where they can feel safe? Or could it be a sense of purpose, of having something important to do in the world with that other person. I would say all of the above and probably a whole lot more that I haven’t mentioned, possibly as many definitions as there are people, we are a complex lot! And of course without all that chemistry we wouldn’t keep having babies, so I guess it is something that is hard-wired into our DNA.

There have been a million songs written about attraction in all its various forms and love usually gets a mention, but do the two things automatically go together? Of course not! When they are both present there is a depth to the feelings that sheer physical magnetism can never really manage, however delicious it might seem in the moment. I am rediscovering the pleasures of attraction as I go through a big transition into my new life, but I have also felt the confusion that can come up. Since I began this particular journey there has been a lot of stuff coming up that harks from my teenage years when my sexuality was trying to flourish in the midst of confusion, despair, and eventually my father’s suicide.

Strong energies do tend to bring up stuff and if you aren’t conscious of the process it can be terribly easy to project what you’re feeling on to the other person. On the other hand, choose a conscious pathway as you relate to the world around you and you can become even clearer as you go along your merry way. That has been my experience over this last week, although the relationship that really stirred things up for me this week was not so much a person, it was Mother Earth.

Now that is a strong energy indeed, I lay on the earth and I merged into her until there was no longer any me, no longer any separation between me and anything else. The energy ripped through newly awakened energetic pathways and it was a wonderful opening, a kind of initiation. To be with the Mother is to experience love on an immense scale and that’s what I want in a relationship, to open to God, Goddess, All That Is…………….

My Relationship Altar.

My Relationship Altar.

So as I enjoy the dance of attraction I will remain mindful of my intention for any potential connection with a man, David Deida puts it very well indeed.

“Find a woman who you can open to God farther than she is opening herself. Find a woman who wants to join you in relationship in that commitment. Then practice together opening each other to God, to infinity. The relationship is a conscious choice, a commitment. It doesn’t just happen.”

From “The Love That Washes Through Patterns,” a talk by David Deida

Here’s a video from a talk by David Deida, love the bit where he talks about a woman wanting to be ravished open to God!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IZrkMZyEWY

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Awareness Is Everything.

Posted on September 4, 2013 | 5 comments

It’s time to return to the subject of sexual energy and tantra, and also to the fact that I don’t always keep my promises to myself, or at least not exactly as I intended to. I’m thinking of a post that I wrote on March 22 2013, called “Ride The Orgasmic Wave”, in that I said that I was going to make the time and space to experiment with energy orgasms, and that I would read “Tantric Orgasm for Women” by Diana Richardson and do all the exercises in it.

Well guess what, I haven’t done either of those things, life has been like a wild storm with the occasional lull, and it’s only now in this relatively calm space that I am coming back to this subject matter. I could get into a bit of self-flagellation, or I could recognise that the huge shifts and releases that have happened since I wrote that post have actually followed the intention that I set, just in a different form. Tantra is all about the flow and release of energy and I have been doing that big time!

spirtual-energy

I remember having a conversation about sexual energy a while ago and talking about how I was freeing up my sexual energy and how you don’t need a partner to do that. It was immediately apparent that the automatic assumption of my friend was that I was talking about masturbation, now that can certainly be a part of the process, but I was thinking more about my release of old patterns, thereby making room for more of my life force energy to flow through my being.

I’ve had another bug in my system the last few days which was making me feel low in energy, a big boost to my immune system yesterday and a great yoga class this morning has me feeling like a million dollars. I can feel the life force energy surging through me and my enthusiasm is bubbling over, that brings an aliveness to my entire body and especially to my breasts, which is the positive pole in women. If you are having sex without awareness of the more subtle interplay of masculine and feminine energies, then you may actually find that you are less energised afterwards.

At the end of the day it is the awareness that you bring to everything that you do that makes the difference to your enjoyment of life. Don’t be a sleep-walker, pay attention and be awed by the beautiful and precious nature of life on this planet!

blue geen planet

With great reverence and love and a healthy dash of playfulness!

If you are looking for more information on sacred sexuality I can highly recomend Mukee Okan, here’s her web site:

http://www.spiritfireproductions.com/bio.htm

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The House Of Mirrors.

Posted on May 17, 2013 | Leave a comment

The fun fair ride continues but for the moment I’m off the roller coaster, now it’s more like the house of illusion where the mirrors show distorted pictures and the maze confuses you until you think you will never get out. I’ve been going to this place on and off, for some time now, and it’s time to get some clarity into the picture, that means speaking up for myself. Oh Goddess, why is that so hard to do????? I managed to make a little headway. but much, much more needs to be said, not to blame but to inform.

houseofmirrors

I can feel the energy running through my body, my teenaged girl inside is terrified and excited all at once, she feels such pain and confusion, she also feels hope and the possibility of delight. Years ago I read a book by John Cleese and Robyn Skynner called “Families and how to survive them”, they talked about how if you missed a particular stage of your development you would be looking for a way to complete it, usually on an unconsious level.  Hence the mid-life crisis when hubby buys a Porsche and runs off with his blonde secretary, the adolescent urge has been repressed while he’s being responsible, then something triggers him and off he goes!

familiesandhowtosurvivethem

My adolescent associates sexuality blossoming with death, after all she was trying to flower in her pain and confusion, and then Daddy killed himself. So the life-giving force of sexuality is perceived as dangerous, better not let it flow too freely, and with dad gone I have to look after mum and my brother, because I’m the strong one. All this at the tender age of 15, I felt what it was like for her as if it was happening now on my roller coaster ride, if you missed that post it came out on May 13.

Now I have to rewrite the programming and it feels like one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, luckily I have good support and guidance around me, lots of love and appreciation. So wish me luck as I complete my adolescence at the age of 49!

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The Lover’s Kiss.

Posted on February 17, 2013 | Leave a comment

Since I attended my first Joining Gathering in 2011, I’ve been working with the intention to free up my life force energy, to allow it to flow through all facets of my life. That’s almost a year and a half ago and I think I can safely say that I’ve been successful in that process, I’ve become more confident in myself, improved my money flow, and made many beautiful connections in my community.

My sexuality is also flowering, I can feel it’s flow in my body and my spirit and see the response around me. It’s not just about men noticing me, when your energy is flowing like that you become an attractor, and so people are more likely to be drawn to connect with you. When you live in a very conscious community this is a beautiful experience and one that I am enjoying most thoroughly!

I’ve been receiving the energy of male desire which has not been in my life for a long, long time, it feels rather yummy and I’ve even felt a spark in myself in return. That too has not been in my life for almost a decade, the signs are all here, I am ready for my beloved whoever he might be. How will I know it’s him? Well I might not, so the wisest course is to follow my flow, to treat all with the greatest respect, and to focus on friendship as a beginning place. It’s a good recipe for life in general, not just relationship, and I need to form healthy friendships with conscious men, for me it’s a new experience! And it will assist me in continuing the process of letting go of the deep distrust that I have held for the masculine energy, I let go of a heavy load a few days ago in my yoga class but it’s likely I will encounter new layers as I move into my fabulous future.

The Lover’s Kiss.

Loving the man within

the woman I be

reaches for his hand

now I can see

the face I saw as brutal

can flow with ease and grace

can give me inner strength

yet be delicate as lace

so like yin and yang

the two shall meet

singing songs of bliss

in a union oh so sweet

here comes the lover’s kiss.

Copyright Feb 2013 Kerry Laizans.

God Goddessyinyangmascfem

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Sex and the Supernatural.

Posted on December 30, 2012 | Leave a comment

As I mentioned in my last post I have had a lot of powerful feelings coming up, old negative patterns and belief systems, and I just keep letting go and letting go. Sounds very spiritual doesn’t it, maybe even supernatural???? Very much so and I would like to thank Buffy the Vampire Slayer for being a wonderful distraction from negative self talk! Nine episodes in three days and my head is full of demons and witches, sexy vampires and cute teenage fashions, I may not be a shopper but I still enjoy the outfits.

Yes, I have another confession to make, I LOVE watching fantasy and science fiction shows and reading the books, Ann Rice writes with a seductiveness you will never ever find in a mills and boon romance. Fantasy and science fiction has been a wonderful preparation for the shamanic journey, and the entry into a new quantum reality. As I threw myself into deep journeying through trance, breathwork, bodywork, dance and sound, I found it easier to let go of accepted norms and to allow myself to surrender to strange spiritual dimensions.

It has been a wonderful time of learning and my background as an actor has also come in quite handy, in fact I participated in the creation of theatrical shows some years back in Sydney that were very much transformational theatre. As I have mentioned before, being witnessed is a very powerful tool, and can be a deeply profound experience for both the watcher and the watched.

I was a life model for drawing classes for a couple of years and when you are being looked at with full attention like that you can literally ‘feel’ the energy of that  strong focus. It actually feels very erotic but it has nothing to do with the fact that you are naked, nothing kinky going on here I promise. But you are connecting with life force energy, which is sexual energy, it is the most natural thing in the world but unfortunately it is an impulse that has been suppressed by the dominant culture.

I’m not advocating orgies here, but I do think that it is high time we moved beyond adolescent fantasies and an obsession with youth when it comes to sexuality. Being yourself is sexy enough and vibrant health on every level of your being the ultimate aphrodisiac!

buffy-the-vampire-slayer

Mmmm……. as I look at this picture of Buffy I am thinking about my comments on adolescent fantasies, am I a hypocrite???? Awwwww give me a break, we are all allowed a bit of harmless frivolity, the true challenge is to make the changes in the lives we are actually living. I will keep you posted on my progress!

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