Last week I went into the fire on the New Moon, later that night a dear friend began his journey into the great beyond. He was a fabulous communicator who was like Rudyard Kipling’s Kim, a friend to all the world. He was also a tantric master for my Beloved and I and taught my gorgeous man all about how to receive pleasure. See my post “From Tantric Cats To Wholeness In Love“. He was good-looking and sure of himself and had all his ‘hooman’ minions perfectly trained to serve his every whim. His name was Pushkin and of all the cats I have known in my life he was the best!
When you lose a much beloved pet it is no different to the loss of a human being in my experience. You move through the pain more quickly but it is no less sharp, and for my mother it has left a huge hole in her life. Everywhere she goes in her house she is reminded of her black prince, she misses stroking that amazing soft fur and going to sleep with a purring weight on her legs. Pushkin is buried in the garden and we had a wonderful ceremony and wake for him with lots of lovely friends. As my Beloved was reading out the poem he wrote for Pushy an owl flew in and perched on a wire just above the grave, it gave me goose bumps!
Pushkin’s Grave on the night of the ceremony and wake.
It feels like this event is a part of an amazing new beginning for mum but that doesn’t take away the pain. Just because you believe in there being a reason even for horrible life events doesn’t mean that you have to like it. The energetic pattern of shifting sands seems to just go on and on and on……I do so miss my furry brother and would turn the clock back to change the outcome if I could. But all I can do is surrender to what is and try to support my dear mother as best I can.
I said to my Beloved that I felt we would experience a big shift after our commitment ceremony and that things would begin to flow more easily. Since that special weekend the energy has certainly been flowing, as I write this now it feels a bit like a dam bursting and I can feel a part of me that wants to go into stress mode. The money flow has picked up and I am busy, busy, but it is all in the moment so the climate of shifting sands that many of us seem to be swimming in is still operating as far as I can tell. So in order to be peaceful and not get all stressy I need to keep surrendering to the flow and trust that prosperity will continue to flow wherever it comes from.
Put yourself out there and follow the wisdom of your heart and spirit will give you whatever you need to make those dreams a reality. I don’t know if it ever becomes easier but I do know that the more that I trust and get good results the more I believe that I am taken care of by something much larger than my small ego self. As Terence McKenna says:
Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it’s a feather bed.”
In my dance with the prospect of bureaucratic nightmares I kept telling myself I would have a really productive day. And my definition of that was that I was happy and content and that the things that truly needed to be done, were done! A lot of being in the moment and in the body with walking and dogs and dancing, lots of it all in just a few days so legs are sore but spirit is nourished. When I dropped in to my body’s desire I knew that I wanted to be free and independent and in my power. To believe in myself and what I want to create in this next phase of my exciting life with my wonderful Beloved. Who knows maybe we will even get back to running a workshop before too long.
So I decided to go it alone and put my time and energy and focus as much as possible on to positive activities. They may involve animals or gardens at a house sit or marketing or research for various work projects. We have our new home base and it is just perfect for us, like our own little flat in town that we can drop in to any time. And probably see clients there too so although there is still a lot of change it is all starting to feel like it might be settling down a bit. As much as it ever does in these times of shifting sands!
There will probably be fears coming up as I move forward into these changing times and it will be a grand opportunity to let go of more of what is in the way of me stepping into my power. That was what my two dances were about, the one my Beloved and I ran and the one I attended that was facilitated by 5Rythms teacher Honor Morningstar. Dance is definitely good medicine for me, I will have to try and get into Brisbane some time for more dancing. Maybe in and out of the city with car pooling might make it a bit easier, hard enough having to go off the hill, in to the city can be a bit too much for us country folk.
My Beloved and I all dressed up and dancing! Photo by Antara May.
Guess I will keep listening to that inner voice that seems to be taking me in positive directions in my life. Easier to do when you have had a lot of feedback that tells you that your intuition is generally correct. Even I have to start believing in myself when it gets confirmed over and over again.
If you’ve read my recent posts then you know that my experience of life lately has been much like trying to walk on shifting sands. Just when you think you know what is going on something changes, often with very little warning. So I really shouldn’t have been surprised when our new home base fell through four days before we were supposed to move in. I knew this would be a tough week with all the moving but at least there was something permanent at the end of that particular picture. Or at least that’s what I thought, my Guru obviously had other ideas and decided I needed even more shaking up!
The day we found out my Beloved and I were both stunned, then of course a whole host of other uncomfortable feelings came up as the shock began to wear off. It wasn’t easy to get motivated to do anything in response but we did manage a ritual before going to bed. We each read out a list of the difficult feelings that were coming up for us and we sat with that for a bit. Then we burnt the paper in the fireplace as a way of letting go of it all. Then we read out a list of what we want to create from this place. There were various mantras interspersed with this and of course it was all done in front of our altar. I could feel the calm that had come into me through performing this ritual, it spoke to a part of me that words alone will never reach.
Since then it has been head down and bum up as we moved out of our latest house sit and then went straight into the big move into temporary accommodation. And for that I am so very grateful, my Beloved and I are blessed by the friendships we share with beautiful fellow souls on the journey. And everyone I speak to reflects my own belief that we are headed towards something even better. I heard a very pertinent quote many years ago that sums up this notion perfectly, “There is no such thing as a mistake, only divine re-direction”. So on to the next part of the adventure, with gratitude and a healthy dollop of ritual to keep us sane and on track.
This song has been going round and round in my head all day, have a listen and you will soon see why. This is one of the many wonderful local musicians that we are lucky enough to have living here in this part of the world, Jacinta Foale: