My Beloved weighs fifteen kilos less than I do, a skinny little runt who must have hollow legs because he certainly doesn’t eat any less! To my fond eyes he is the perfect size but there is a part of me that can’t help feeling a bit envious at his ability to eat everything in sight without seeming consequence. Of course the trick is always to find the best diet for your particular body type and if there are two of you then a certain amount of compromise is probably required.
It’s the age-old question for those of us women who don’t quite fit the ideal laid out in the current cultural archetypes, is it about health or how you think you should look? Health has been the paramount question for me but lately indulgence has been a bit of a byword and that can definitely go too far at times. The thing is when you improve your diet you do become more sensitive, no matter how often I notice this in my response to food I still seem to need reminders.
At the end of the day I want to be happy more than anything else, pretty much the way I am right now except that I’ve noticed it keeps getting better. That’s all pleasure by the way, our capacity for opening to this kind of energy I do believe is infinite. Follow your bliss sounds shallow but it can actually be fairly deep, and if you truly relax and surrender you can go beyond whatever ‘stuff’ you may have picked up along the way. RELAX and enjoy the journey, the one thing you can be sure of is change so try and get comfortable in the flow of life. RESPONSIBILITY is being able to respond to the shifts and changes that inevitably are a part of following our flow, it can be FUN too!
So I think I will be fairly relaxed with my food, just watch the sugar thing and try to have a few green smoothies every week. Relaxation is a bit underrated as a quality but I think it is the key to so many of the ways in which to move into new ways of being in the world. So I will continue to spend lots of time with my Beloved, that’s always relaxing whatever we’re doing! And we are going to the joining gathering very soon to present our first workshop together, very exciting!
Remember to have fun!
I keep hearing from people around me that it’s been an extremely challenging year, that’s certainly been my experience, but if you are prepared to meet the seeming obstacles in your path the opportunity to break through old patterns is also very prominent. If you are one of those who is ‘awake’ in the world then there has never been a better time to take your cosmic broom and sweep out your inner realm until it positively shines!
My sense is that there are some very large-scale shifts that have been occurring, we kept hearing about 2012 and there might be some who would say that nothing actually happened after all that hype! Well the world didn’t end that’s for sure, but if you tune in to the energetic realms there has definitely been enormous change, and that does include some pretty extreme weather too even if the world is still here. The devastation in the Philipines is just the latest example of this, we have had so many tsunamis and severe storms over the last few years, whatever you may think about climate change one way or the other, some things have really gotta CHANGE!
I don’t actually require scientific studies to tell me that we need to treat ourselves, each other, the animals and all the plant and mineral kingdoms, far far better than we currently do. All the resources we need are out there and in the event of the world waking up and humanity stepping up to its role as caretaker for Mother Earth and Father Sky, or how ever you want to phrase it, it is all there to be drawn on. We live in a very rich world, a jewel in the crown of the galaxy, let’s polish it until it sparkles with joy and sends that light out to the milky way!
Lets dance our way through the interplay between light and shadow, let polarity be a pleasure rather than a sentence that condemns us to rigid roles and prison bars.
Time to WAKE UP!!!!!!
It’s time to return to the subject of sexual energy and tantra, and also to the fact that I don’t always keep my promises to myself, or at least not exactly as I intended to. I’m thinking of a post that I wrote on March 22 2013, called “Ride The Orgasmic Wave”, in that I said that I was going to make the time and space to experiment with energy orgasms, and that I would read “Tantric Orgasm for Women” by Diana Richardson and do all the exercises in it.
Well guess what, I haven’t done either of those things, life has been like a wild storm with the occasional lull, and it’s only now in this relatively calm space that I am coming back to this subject matter. I could get into a bit of self-flagellation, or I could recognise that the huge shifts and releases that have happened since I wrote that post have actually followed the intention that I set, just in a different form. Tantra is all about the flow and release of energy and I have been doing that big time!
I remember having a conversation about sexual energy a while ago and talking about how I was freeing up my sexual energy and how you don’t need a partner to do that. It was immediately apparent that the automatic assumption of my friend was that I was talking about masturbation, now that can certainly be a part of the process, but I was thinking more about my release of old patterns, thereby making room for more of my life force energy to flow through my being.
I’ve had another bug in my system the last few days which was making me feel low in energy, a big boost to my immune system yesterday and a great yoga class this morning has me feeling like a million dollars. I can feel the life force energy surging through me and my enthusiasm is bubbling over, that brings an aliveness to my entire body and especially to my breasts, which is the positive pole in women. If you are having sex without awareness of the more subtle interplay of masculine and feminine energies, then you may actually find that you are less energised afterwards.
At the end of the day it is the awareness that you bring to everything that you do that makes the difference to your enjoyment of life. Don’t be a sleep-walker, pay attention and be awed by the beautiful and precious nature of life on this planet!
With great reverence and love and a healthy dash of playfulness!
If you are looking for more information on sacred sexuality I can highly recomend Mukee Okan, here’s her web site:
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Tagged awareness, energy, feminine, intention, life force, masculine, Mukee Okan, orgasm, sacred, sexuality, shifts, tantra, yoga
There is a strange feeling in my belly which is a kind of limbo, I’ve shifted from my week in the big smoke back to the country and suddenly I’m filled with uncertainty. Glad to be home for sure and probably needing a bit of integration time but also going through a rather subtle and fundamental shift which is shaking up my inner realms. After all I have now completed another stage of clearing, the boxes containing what I am keeping are not here yet, but none the less, more of me is gathering for the next part of my life story.
A sense of the unknown envelops me and while it does trigger fear, there is also the excitement at what this new chapter may bring to me. Or perhaps I should say, what I may bring to the next phase of this marvelous and entertaining journey that we call life. As I continue to shed the old I shift the frequencies of my being and therefore my energetic signature is changing, this in turn changes what is drawn to me, my intention makes sure that this is a positive change!
As I reflect upon the inner shifts I am getting a sense that it is necessary to do some meditation that specifically focuses on raising my vibration. This may well be to clear energies that I picked up while I was in Sydney, but it is also something I need to get in the habit of doing more often. Energetic clearing is just as important as keeping your physical home in good shape and I can be a bit lackadaisical at times when it comes to housekeeping. I particularly like a short meditation from Adama of Telos called “Daily Activation of Light”, can’t seem to get the file from my computer to this post so I will give you the link to the web site, you have to sign up to have it sent to you.
The other important ingredient in my recovery? REST!!!! It’s a busy week but I will do my best to recharge the batteries, looking forward to yoga on wednesday!
I acknowledge the part of me that was enjoying the drama of recent events, Nellie Needy felt like any attention was good even if it was making me sick! I will just have to keep breathing into whatever feelings may still be there for Nellie, and to keep letting go. What is left when I turn away from all of that is a big empty waiting space, on this misty, wet and cold day it feels rather sad, and I wonder how I will ever fill it, and if I do what will I put there?
I think the answer is to simply sit with it, and get comfortable with how it is in this moment, then keep doing that for each moment as over time it shifts and changes as things always do. There is an opportunity coming up for me, to dive within in a group sacred space, and that will be the time to truly see what the future holds in this next phase of my journey upon this earth.
It will be interesting to see if this theme of protection continues to be prominent, I will continue with my own personal version of it, but I have been quite astounded by the number of other people having similar issues at this time. In the safety of the sacred circle I will be able to look at this for myself without the fear of attracting unwanted attention, Nellie will not be needy.
But I must say that Sarah Sunshine is hoping mightily that this soggy weather transforms back into our usual winter fare of freezing cold with blue skies and sunshine! I know one day isn’t enough to develop SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), but whenever the sun goes away I do feel my spirits drop. I’ve posted this before, but it is the perfect way to end a post about grey skies, it’s a fabulous version of “Let The Sun Shine In” from the musical “Hair”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klObyJY1W_I
Watching this clip once again I feel a bit self-centred with all my ponderings about me, in the movie this song is happening as we see images of young men going off to war. May there be peace for evermore so that no-one need die for any cause, let there be peace, shanti, shanti, shanti…………..
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Tagged breathe, drama, feelings, journey, peace, protection, sacred space, sad, shifts, spirit, sunshine
Winter descends with a grip grown icy, and begins to weep and weep, mirroring my own deep sadness, gentle, but pervading my entire being, soft and spiraling down. Every new beginning contains the end of all manner of things, as I move through this transition with as much grace as I can muster, almost gliding along at times.
The death of a small animal that was mine to care for, the death of a dream that was never actually mine, the shifts and changes in relationship and the opening of new doorways. What seemed exciting the day before is hollowed out by nature’s sobbing, the deep relaxation found in the meditation at the end of my morning practice is still there inside me, a huge white space that holds the promise of freedom, yet feels cold.
This is not misery nor despair, it is not loss nor is it abandonment. The truth is that this is not completely mine, I take responsiblity for the emptiness for that is where I source my true power, ’tis where my fullness lies. But the sadness comes from another, a deep connection that does not want to be severed, it fears to embrace the glory of the fullness that was open to its seeking tendrils, yet neither can it let go. Attraction and repulsion playing an inner tug of war beneath the level of conscious awareness, am I perhaps going into madness, and yet my intuition is quite sure of what it knows.
From Oracle of the Dragonfae by Lucy Cavendish.
Before I sat down to write I took a card from Lucy Cavendish’s Oracle of the Dragonfae, Gwynne and Elluish, which told me that my connection to nature is getting stronger and that my intuition is growing with it, and that I will be receiving messages from my own inner knowing that I can trust. So I tend to believe what is coming to me in the way of that knowledge and I break that deep connection with much love and great respect, there will always be love, after all, where could it go?
And as I do this the sadness begins to lift, leaving only the emptiness…………..pregnant with the dawn of a new day that is almost ready to peep over the horizon………..my inner smile grows……as Father Sky continues to weep and weep.
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Tagged being, connection, death, doorways, father, intuition, loss, love, meditiation, opening, power, relationship, respect, sadness, shifts, transition, trust, winter
At last the moment I always wondered about has arrived, I sit here with absolutely no idea what to write about, so I’ll begin by what is happening inside of me, and let’s see where that may take us. My belly is feeling uneasy again and I’m aware of a deep sadness that lies beneath my weariness, it has overtones of abandonment and loss.
The boundless energy I’ve been experiencing since my big release a couple of months ago seems to have deserted me, I hope it’s just a bit more rest that I am needing. Or maybe it’s time for more release, if that’s the case then I wonder what or who the trigger will be this time, I must remember to stay in my heart. Just tried to do some breathing in and out of my heart and I noticed some resistance, it’s like there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to let go of this feeling of doom, I wonder if that’s Nellie Needy.
I will do a little toning, then meditate and maybe see what writing comes from that space, perhaps you will meet brilliance in my next post with inspiration and energy fully restored! Then to sleep, perchance to dream!
I did tone and meditate and the message was loud and clear, go to bed and rest and so I did and here I am in the morning, uneasy belly and furry head. I am off to my two-hour yoga class very soon so perhaps that movement of body and energy fields will begin to stir the pot of creativity. I will set an intention to clear the fog and to free up my life force energy and who knows what will happen, I’ve had some big shifts in this class before.
Home again and the energy is flowing as I release sorrow and loss, the messages keep coming from all directions, be still, go within, don’t try to make anything happen, simply be………………….and so I shall.
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Tagged creativity, energy, heart, Inspiration, intention, loss, meditation, release, resistance, sadness, shifts, still, toning, trigger, uneasy belly, yoga
Last week was huge for me, I had three shifts which I would classify as small, large and earth shattering! There was grief in the letting go, fear of loss, and a deep sense of being utterly unworthy to allow myself to fully experience pleasure without condition. The end result was that I was in a state of utter bliss even though I had only had 8 hours sleep in two days. Once again my life force energy is flowing ever more freely and I embrace the joy of being with all my heart.
So I was thinking a week of integration would probably be a good idea, I slept in yesterday, got up and did my oil pulling, an hour of yoga, and then had my green smoothie. Just when I think I know what the plan is it all changes, all of a sudden a house sit that didn’t happen is on again at short notice for an indeterminate time. It’s good news really, but then I find myself sitting and writing and the sense of stuff moving in my belly is back, it’s like what some people call butterflies but there isn’t anything to be nervous about.
I love my life, but I do have moments when I wonder about this constant processing, why can’t I have longer periods of clarity before things start getting triggered again! The answer is simple but I don’t have to like it, I just happen to have a lot of trauma, in layer upon layer, and I have an obsessive need to keep clearing it away. Can I really heal everything in this lifetime? There are some who would say that’s a crazy ambition, but even though I might have some complaints about the details at times, I keep moving into deeper states of ecstasy, and I am happy most of the time even when I have uncomfortable stuff moving through.
So I guess I will just have to integrate and process simultaneously, after all I do describe myself as a shamanic practitioner and shamans are the ultimate interdimensional multi-taskers!
Shamans transmit to their people in sign, song, and dance the nature of the cosmic geography that has been revealed to them in the process of initiation trances and soul journeys. Map-makers and myth-dancers, shamans live internally in a multi-dimensional realm continuous with so-called ordinary reality.
Joan Halifax (Shaman: The Wounded Healer, New York, Crossroad, 1982. P 66.)
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Tagged bliss, ecstasy, energy, grief, heal, heart, integration, interdimensional, letting go, life force, pleasure, shamanic, shifts, trauma
I’d like to talk a bit more about meditation in relation to integration, it’s all very well having huge shifts, but you need to then integrate them into your everyday life. In 1993 I made a conscious decision that it was time to bring my spiritual life into my everyday reality, after all what’s the point of doing practices if they don’t then enhance every aspect of your being.
At that time I was reading Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life” and I took it fully on board, I was meditating every morning and at night before I went to sleep, and working with affirmations which are a big part of her teachings. It was a beginning of my integration process, bringing the understandings and the knowledge from the realm of spirit into the rest of my existence.
And so it began, the deeper journey into the understanding of my spiritual life, and in time the knowing of what it is I came here to do. That came in snippets over the years, you kind of build layers over time and the more that you dive into that place the more you receive the knowledge that I believe is inside each and every one of us.
If you keep reading my posts I will gradually share much of this with you, as well as what is currently unfolding, but for now let me come back to where I began, with the notion of integration. Spiritual practices are a wonderful way to integrate big shifts, meditation, yoga, sound healing, the list goes on and my basic philosophy is, if it works then go for it! There isn’t a right or wrong way to do this stuff, some of my ways of integrating I couldn’t possibly describe to you because they are so intuitive and in the moment.
Enjoy the joy that comes with the shedding of your excess baggage, dance in the light and embrace every moment of pure happiness! I began this post talking about sitting meditation and that really is delicious , but tonight much of my joy has been expressed through dance. When I move my body through space responding to divine sounds I am in heaven, nirvana, whatever you want to call it, on a journey that can only contain happy endings.
Blissful blessings to all life dancing upon the sacred space of existence, the eternal place of the heart.
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Tagged dance, divine, heart, integration, joy, meditation, sacred, shifts, sound healing, spiritual, yoga