I am feeling an enormous sense of completion, things are coming to an end, some things may come back but nothing will ever be the same again, this is a good thing. They do say that change is the only constant, but we generally have big internal structures that will determine how we respond to change, or react. Sometimes we resist change and even that is not automatically a bad thing, it might be divine redirection taking you on a different path, or perhaps introducing a note of caution.
But there are times when those big constructs of values, beliefs and ideas, need to be challenged and that which is no longer useful, can be let go of. In the Tarot the card of The Tower symbolises this aspect of development, likely you will visit this space more than once in a lifetime if you are growing and evolving through your life. For me there has been a lot of movement in the area of ego, more in the egotistical view of myself as lesser, which is just as silly as having an over-inflated opinion of oneself. Resting in a true appreciation of whatever your gifts are, expressing your life force in whatever is the right way for you in the moment that you are in, sounds much more appealing doesn’t it.
So the question to explore then is what kind of ending do we have here, it feels very balanced so it might be the card of The World where the ending is very complete, not much unfinished business if any. That’s something I will sit with, if there is anything unresolved I need to attend to it so there is nothing barring the way for a new beginning to unfold!
Bring it on my compassionate cohorts, Michael, Germain, Aphrodite and Mary, and all the Heavenly Hordes!!
This is a kind of end of the world song from the late 80’s from “World Party”, it’s called “Ship of Fools”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHh0V7UjVXI
And here is the song that tells you what to do about it, “Private Revolution”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaYcJQej5Uw
The nights with this cold I’ve had were rather interesting, if not what I would describe as particularly pleasant. That’s when the cough would come and make it hard to sleep, I noticed though that after a really deep racking cough there was a sense of expansion and lightness in my chest that actually felt good. I was also aware of a strong vibration going on at a cellular level that indicated a lot of energetic movement, a big shift of some kind. I keep seeing the Tower from the tarot and the Death card, both of these archetypes indicate fundamental change occurring.
I guess my trip to Sydney to sort out my stuff was even bigger than I realised, it closes a chapter in my life so there is a kind of death that is happening. In many ways I have been in transition for the last two and a half years even though my focus has been very much on where I have been living. Let’s face it, how often does an old chapter end neatly with the new one following on, there is almost always a bit of back and forthing that goes on.
Now I need to address any completions that need to be done with regards to the old path that is finishing, and probably the hardest part is letting go of the old outmoded ways of being that no longer serve me. The one that is coming up big time for me is abundance and being supported, with a better return on the energy I put out I will be able to do a better job of looking after myself. There are things I could do less of and be happy, but economic necessity is a factor that cannot be ignored and so I do what I have to. But I’m not prepared to compromise on things I know are important for me to do, even though they may not bring in income, and so we arrive at a schedule that becomes overwhelming at times.
It’s a biggie but I do finally think that the time has come to properly address this issue, and my intuition has been telling me for the longest time that my writing is the key to this. We shall see what unfolds, I will be calling on all the resources I can find inner and outer to meet this particular challenge, wish me luck as I go!
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Tagged abundance, cellular, change, energy, expansion, intuition, letting go, resources, shift, tarot, The Death Card, The Tower, transition, vibration, writing
Even before I began my conscious shamanic journey, I was beginning to develop that larger part of self, through tarot readings, automatic writing, and an instinctive urge to express long suppressed feelings. I had no idea what I was doing, but I followed my intuition and flowed into the places that it took me to. I wrote poetry to express what I was feeling, and that really came in handy when Ayrton Senna was killed in front of my eyes on a race track in Italy in 1994.
I had been obsessed with him, and I was totally grief stricken for weeks afterwards, I cried and cried and wrote many poems to express the intensity of my feelings. At the time I was focused on the loss of this man who had been a kind of role model for me, I was certainly attracted to him but it was his passionate determination to be himself no matter what anyone else thought, and his integrity that truly inspired me. I know now that while I was genuinely grieving for Ayrton, along with thousands of people around the globe, I was also releasing grief for my father.
Malidoma Patrice Some.
This concept is well understood in the village that Malidoma Some comes from, he describes a ritual where the immediate family has carers to keep them from harm, so that they can completely let go in their grief. The entire community participates, and there is an understanding that this is an opportunity to release any feelings that people may be holding on to from the past. What a refreshing view of the healing power of strong emotions expressed in the moment, how much would our constipated, uptight, overly structured and regulated society benefit from such practices!
Malidoma Some is an African shaman who brings the knowledge of his people to the Western culture, he is a bridge between the worlds, read his book “Of Water And The Spirit”, you won’t be able to put it down.
And even if you are not into car racing you will love this documentary about Ayrton Senna, my mum loved it and she hates sport!
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Tagged Ayrton Senna, feelings, grief, integrity, intuition, Malidoma Some, poetry, release, ritual, shamanic, spirit, tarot
I’d like to have a go now at bringing together my two current themes, and describe it as letting go into the stillness. There is a certain poetry in the sound and feel of that phrase that to me feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to leap into the unknown. Like the fool in the tarot, I trust that this great leap will take me to wherever I need to go, I dance on the edge of all I have ever known and I fly!
Actually I did literally take flight a week ago, unfortunately it ended very quickly with me stretched out full length in the grass. I was rushing to get to my choir practice at the Maleny Music Weekend and very much in my old pattern of, mustn’t be late, mustn’t be late. Pretty straight forward example of an old pattern tripping me up, I was so in my stuff I failed to see the tent rope lying in wait for my unwary foot.
I believe the fall was also a deeper message or wake up call, I was under the impression I was doing ok in terms of awakening to my purpose, but spirit obviously had other ideas! And sometimes being physically shaken like that can shake loose old bits of stuff that we just can’t seem to let go of, I am simply thankful that my newly cemented teeth are still in place. I do feel very different once again, another shift has occurred although not in quite such a dramatic fashion as some of the earlier ones. It started with my teeth and continued with the de-cording operation that my entelechy performed ( if you missed it that story is in “I Love You But…….”), and here I am feeling like a new woman.
It can be a bit disconcerting because you are no longer in your comfort zone, the world is a different place and you are not quite sure how to behave. There is an adjustment period which I am still moving through and this is where the notion of stillness is so important. I have done a huge letting go of an ingrained pattern in relationship and the flow from this into the still place within is all a part of the integration process. I plan to enjoy it as much as possible, to be still even when I am in motion.
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Tagged entelechy, fool, integration, letting go, Maleny Music Weekend, old patterns, purpose, relationship, spirit, stillness, stuff, tarot
I had a wonderful night of dancing and connecting with gorgeous friends, one was someone I hadn’t seen for a few months and she was amazed at the change in me. It’s so nice to get that kind of feedback, you know in yourself that everything has changed, but the fact it’s obvious to others makes it even better. I guess it’s the fact that you are being witnessed, that you are being seen as who you are.
As human beings we are relational, and much of our development comes through our interaction with other people. In fact if you extend that relating to the total environment we live in, then all our growth comes through the way we relate to the world around us. So it’s incredibly important to consider the shape and feel of your environment, I like to have order around me so I tend to clean up after myself. I also like to look around me and see beauty which is easy to organise when I have my own place, as a house sitter it can be challenging but I’ve been lucky so far. I do think I take a positive energy field with me wherever I go, but the spaces I have cared for have all had a good feel about them.
In the tarot the suit of Cups represents relationship, and often people see it automatically as romantic, but it’s really about your relationship with yourself. All your other relationships reflect that back to you, and in the larger context I’m discussing you can also look at the environments you inhabit to see how you’re doing. There’s so much information out there if only we can find the eyes to see, not just our physical sight but seeing with our heart and our intuition, feeling into things with our body sense.
Let go if you can of the usual ways that you perceive the world around you, if you have problems you are trying to solve, dance or sing the solution, write, draw and dream. There is so much more to the world than the current paradigm allows us, dare to be different, ride the edge, you will probably encounter challenges and resistance along the way, but at the end of the day you will be happier and free.
This is a clip of the band I was dancing to tonight, they are called Free Like Me, and this is the song of the same name. It’s all about what a beautiful world we live in, if you are free, just remember that sometimes the prisons we create are in our own minds, and only we have the power to break free!
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Tagged beauty, dancing, energy, environment, Free Like Me, heart, intuition, relational, relationship, tarot, witnessed
I just read my last post and in particular the quote from Krishna Das about the spiritual path, and I do think I’m doing ok as far as being kinder to myself and others goes, I’m happier and more content, and treating others as I would like to be treated. The bit that gave me pause was when he talks about obsessing less about yourself and all your stuff, anyone who’s been reading this blog will know that is exactly what I have been obsessing about, and in quite some detail!
I began this whole process wanting to explore my writing, but of course you need some kind of focus to write about, especially when the aim is to post every day, it’s quite a committment. In order to continue to find inspiration, I had to choose a subject I’m truly fascinated by, it wasn’t hard to work out what that was. I’ve been thoroughly obsessed by my own journey of healing and for the last eleven years the focus sharpened even more as I explored the shamanic approach.
But even in my late teens I was doing my best to understand my traumas, that’s how I learned to read tarot cards. I was seventeen when mum gave me a set of cards and I spent many a night, sometimes all night sitting up with them and puzzling over the meanings. I always got a lot of swords in those days which means big challenges often accompanied by emotional intensity and stuff coming up. I didn’t really know what to do with those painful emotions in those days, but over time I did at least achieve an intellectual understanding of what had happened to me. And the journey as a reader had begun, I used that same pack until a year ago when I got a strong message to change the way I was working. I’ve become more flexible and intuitive in my approach and the readings get more and more accurate.
So to come back to my original thought, am I being too obsessive about myself and my stuff? I guess the proof is in the pudding as they say, and my life and sense of health and well-being is so much better than it was five or ten years ago. As a healer it’s really helpful to be able to share my own experiences with my clients, it gives me empathy and helps me to offer suggestions as to how they might move forward.
So at the end of the day I’m voting for a yes as the answer to my question, I don’t know where this writing journey is taking me, but that it is a part of my passion and I’m having heaps of fun with it cannot be denied.
I hereby offer up a prayer to the Muses, please keep inspiring me to play with words and keep me on the straight and narrow, straight from the heart that is. Love and inspiration to you all!