Tag Archives: The Joining Gathering

Stepping Into My Power And Being Seen.

ballet girlI’ve always been a performer, from ballet classes at the age of six to a degree in performing arts in my early twenties. My brother and I used to recite Banjo Patterson’s “The Man From Ironbark” which we knew off by heart, and David would sing “Me And Bobby McGee” in his sweet, not yet broken voice. If there was an opportunity to step into the spotlight I was always ready to jump in, so you might be excused for feeling a tad confused when I say that I have had huge issues with ‘being seen’.

public-speakingThe thing is when you’re playing a character on stage you’re not actually being yourself. You may well draw upon aspects of who you are but it isn’t really you at all. And somehow that is so much easier than standing up in front of a whole bunch of people and speaking to them as Kerry Laizans. But that’s the more obvious stuff, the desire to stay hidden operates at much more subtle levels of our being. There was a period in my life about thirteen years ago when I was meeting lots of new people as I established a new life in a new city. It didn’t happen with everyone, but there were certain people who I kept meeting over and over again and each time they would behave as though they were meeting me for the first time.

higher selfNot everyone responded in the same way but it was clear that I was sending out the message, “Don’t see me”, and some people received it and were most obliging! It would happen to the point of ridiculousness , someone who had met me so many times that still not knowing me was kind of crazy. So being at The Joining Gathering as a presenter a couple of weeks ago represented a bit of a milestone as I step more and more into my power. And how did I get there? It’s been a long and hard road and much of the healing has been about clearing out the negative material that was obscuring my view of my larger self.

You really do have the answers within, it isn’t just some cliche, the jewel that you are simply has mud covering many of the facets that represent all that you could be. So time to start cleaning and polishing so you can discover that bigger perspective that your higher self can offer. Life will continue to be challenging at times but I guarantee you will have a whole lot more fun along the way.

Namaste!

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Joining Into The Interconnectedness Of All Things!

The Joining 2014Four days of soulful magic , until this moment an internal weaving of growth and expansion that somehow could not quite be captured in words. Every time I thought to put pen to paper my deeper knowing said, not yet……not yet. My Joining Gathering this time was not so much an island of love and connection in the new life I was building. There have been many layers of deepening into connection but for my relationship journey I would have to say that the Joining Gathering was pivotal in me getting to where I am now.

Big Rainbow

I didn’t meet my Beloved there but I spent four days with amazing conscious men and women, it gives one hope that there is someone out there for you. And it can help you to let go of old patterns around men and women as the honouring ceremonies go on and you have the opportunity to dive into yourself in amazing workshops. It helped me make a real shift into new ways of relating to others, and eventually in divine timing I met my Beloved and now we have been to the Joining and run a workshop there together! Talk about dreams coming true!

Us on the day of our workshop!

Us on the day of our workshop!

And so we had a marvelous Joining adventure and came back even more overflowing with love than before, if that’s possible. It was incredible and the really fun bit is that we live in that kind of space on a daily basis my Beloved and I. Doing it with a whole bunch of other conscious seekers and inspiring teachers is operating at an even higher level, all extremely yummy to say the least.

The Joining Gathering.

The Joining Gathering.

I would recommend the gathering to anyone seeking to explore different ways of connecting to each other, men and women as well as each with our own business. This is a time to be finding our true relationship with all things, the interconnected web that supports all life everywhere. I am looking forward to my contribution to this and feeling immense gratitude to the Joining Gathering for giving me the opportunity to be seen!

Thanks Joining Community!

Mythic Tales And The Moon: Letting Go.

heart-brainI’m supposed to be preparing you for a four-part re-blog of an epic tale about being buried alive for 12 hours as a shamanic ritual. But you might just have to wait for one post because I have a lot of energies swirling through my being at this moment and I think that putting it into words may be therapeutic  for me. And maybe even for you!

catmoonI’ve been noticing this little bit of anxiety in my belly the last couple of days and I do have a big event coming up in the next few days so you may think that is what it’s all about. But the thing is this feels quite familiar and I associate it with my moon time coming up, but not all the time. When there is a lot of ‘stuff’ coming up for me it can really impact me in the days before I begin to bleed. The menstrual flow is a grand opportunity for all that ‘stuff’ to move and to be released from the body. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, you might think of it as a cosmic clean out.

So it makes me a bit sad to hear young women regarding their moon bleed as a nuisance, it is a time when women can become more intuitive, receptive and powerful. It requires a shift from the perception of power to be all in the physical tangible world that is prescribed by the current paradigm. Instead value is given to understanding the realms of the unconscious, the deep mysteries that we are all a part of whether we are conscious of it or not.

Moon Goddess.

Moon Goddess.

Anyway I am trying to harness this power right here and now in my preparation time for going away to the Joining Gathering. It is a good reminder to embrace whatever feelings are moving in me, the good, the bad, and the ugly! As I write this I begin to feel a shift in the anxiety, it feels more like excitement. I know what I have to do, I need to write my story now as a mythic tale so that all the conditions become my path to wisdom and love. Or at least start thinking like that, no time for me to tell you that story so can we make a deal? You go off and give it a go for yourself, tell your life story as if it were a mythic tale. And feel free to share any experiences you may have.

soul artIf you feel like it that is, anyway, in the meantime, FOLLOW YOUR BLISS!

A Balancing Act, Relax And Take Responsibility.

My Beloved weighs fifteen kilos less than I do, a skinny little runt who must have hollow legs because he certainly doesn’t eat any less! To my fond eyes he is the perfect size but there is a part of me that can’t help feeling a bit envious at his ability to eat everything in sight without seeming consequence. Of course the trick is always to find the best diet for your particular body type and if there are two of you then a certain amount of compromise is probably required.

Men are from mars

It’s the age-old question for those of us women who don’t quite fit the ideal laid out in the current cultural archetypes, is it about health or how you think you should look? Health has been the paramount question for me but lately indulgence has been a bit of a byword and that can definitely go too far at times. The thing is when you improve your diet you do become more sensitive, no matter how often I notice this in my response to food I still seem to need reminders.

be-happy

At the end of the day I want to be happy more than anything else, pretty much the way I am right now except that I’ve noticed it keeps getting better. That’s all pleasure by the way, our capacity for opening to this kind of energy I do believe is infinite. Follow your bliss sounds shallow but it can actually be fairly deep, and if you truly relax and surrender you can go beyond whatever ‘stuff’ you may have picked up along the way. RELAX and enjoy the journey, the one thing you can be sure of is change so try and get comfortable in the flow of life. RESPONSIBILITY is being able to respond to the shifts and changes that inevitably are a part of following our flow, it can be FUN too!

Big Rainbow

So I think I will be fairly relaxed with my food, just watch the sugar thing and try to have a few green smoothies every week. Relaxation is a bit underrated as a quality but I think it is the key to so many of the ways in which to move into new ways of being in the world. So I will continue to spend lots of time with my Beloved, that’s always relaxing whatever we’re doing! And we are going to the joining gathering very soon to present our first workshop together, very exciting!

Remember to have fun!smiley face daisy

We Are Spirit In Matter……Living In Love.

ayahuasca image 3A wonderful finish to a challenging week! I’m exhausted and coming down with the sniffles but feel very happy with the outcome of our workshop run through. My Beloved and I will do a much better job at The Joining Gathering in a couple of weeks having actually run it with a small group who gave us some excellent feedback. And maybe I won’t be quite so anxious on the day, hard to say as I have found in my experience so far that a certain amount of tension leading up to performing seems inevitable. I do think it tends to inspire mindfulness as well, so as long as you can still function it may be playing an important role in taking you into a heightened state of awareness.

ocean of love

It is certainly vital to step out of your comfort zone sometimes and do things that you feel passionate about, without some of that in a life growth will tend to be slow. And for some that may be just fine but for me spiritual growth is paramount and infuses my daily life, pretty much everything that I do. So while a slow pace may be appropriate at times it isn’t really necessary to have time off as such. Whether you are on an idyllic holiday or working hard with jobs and families, spirit is always there. I always find it amusing when people say “I’m not spiritual”, the truth is you don’t have a choice! We are spirit in matter by our very nature, beautiful bodies infused with the spirit of life, the spark of energy that connects us all.

univeral love twohands

Being in that space where all things are one and you can see and feel the connection with all of creation. A wonderful way of letting go of who you might think you are and coming into contact with the eternal aspect that never dies. Being in your heart and connected to your body, living in love, the essential nature of all things being just that, love………….

Love is all you need.

 

Openess And Honesty: Be Yourself And Be Mindful.

Be Yourself, everyone else is taken! Oscar Wilde. Photo by Ulli Hansen.

Be Yourself, everyone else is taken! Oscar Wilde. Photo by Ulli Hansen.

A few posts ago I wrote about the theme of inner balance, my thoughts inspired by the Joining Gathering, it was about loving self and thus becoming more open to other kinds of love. (Inner Balance: A Meditation On Joining). Well once you have moved into a more mature way of relating, the place where you are yourself and so are they, you love it all and you see this amazing beauty in another soul. There’s a poem I hear sometimes in medicine circles that says something like, I love you in all your exquisite flaws, and that’s how it is when you connect on a deep level.

Passionate-embrace

A key element in this kind of relationship is clear communication, and that isn’t just about words, we use feelings to communicate, and don’t forget body language too. If there is something going on inside you that doesn’t feel good, don’t be afraid to name it and own it, even though your head may know that it isn’t true, your feelings will keep telling you that things are not right. Sometimes simply voicing something can be enough to shift whatever energetic charge is being triggered, and that can be sound without words, for example toning.

My Beloved and I had been through an overnight ceremony and were taking it easy at home as we recovered from a wonderful but also quite intense experience. At some point in the late afternoon the mood shifted, we were both tired but my Beloved was deeply tired and he began to withdraw into himself. I could feel a difference in him but I was tired and we went through this time of me wanting to talk even though there wasn’t a lot of enthusiasm in the response. Basically we both had a lot of stuff going on and I as a woman wanted to talk and he as a man wanted to go into his cave and do whatever it is that men do in there!

Men are from mars

In the end I began to feel cut off from my lover and an energy in my heart was triggered and the specific feeling was disappointment, it felt horrible and I didn’t feel like I could sleep. My beloved was exhausted as well as withdrawn and when I told him what I could feel he really didn’t have the energy to deal with it. I eventually got out of bed and went and built up the fire, watching a fire burn is rather therapeutic, then curled up in front of the fire and fell asleep there.

The next morning my dear one came out with surprise wondering where on earth I was, we went back to bed and talked about what had been going on for each of us the previous evening. We took responsibility for our own stuff, I knew perfectly well the feelings in my body came from some other time before we’d even met. And he realised that he would probably have been better off just going off on his own, or even to bed much earlier. We do practice clear communication most of the time but we are also human and the last time I looked I wasn’t perfect!

Inner Balance: A Meditation On Joining.

moontime sacred womanWhat does inner balance mean to you? This is a question that was posed by The Joining Gathering, (http://www.thejoining.com.au/), on Facebook yesterday, and it got me thinking about how I find balance in myself. My Beloved has gone off to the big smoke for four days of intense study and so I found myself looking inside for what it is that keeps me centred, particularly when I am on my own. Time alone is quite rare these days and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but in the past it has often been my preference to be on my own rather than hanging out with other people.

clubbing14dec13

Now I just want to be with my Beloved ALL the time and that’s wonderful but life being what it is there will be times that we have to be apart and I need to be ok with that. And I am, the question is what is going on inside me to create that sense of being grounded in who I am. When I tune into that I get a sense of a column going up the middle of my body, in particular my torso and the place where I feel it the most is in my heart. There is a sense of fullness in the heart space and the feeling is gratitude.

ocean of love

I learned to be happy about who I am and truly love myself before I was able to be with my Beloved in deep love and connection. I decided to settle for nothing less than a relationship based on spiritual practices and I waited 10 years until the moment of our joining unfolded. Just as it was always meant to be, and in the time of my preparation I’ve done a lot of inner discovery that stands me in good stead for the path that my Beloved and I will walk together, side by side.

Anima Animus by Toni Carmine Salerno

Anima Animus by Toni Carmine Salerno

Liking me means that while I miss my darling terribly on those rare occasions he has to be away, I really genuinely am ok. Having said that I must confess to a saucy exchange of texts with my Love as I try to finish writing this post! Hard not to be happy when someone regularly takes your breath away and squeezes your heart in that soft goofy way, even when he isn’t physically here.

Love and smiles, be happy and well!

The Joining 2014