Falling into the swirling pool of sacred union as we lay upon finely spun rainbows and travel into dimensions of delight and joy. Shedding energies dark and deep I feel a space unfold within, a sacred vessel to receive and to channel the energies of divine union. One body, one being, we are pure sensation as the tantric journey opens our hearts ever deeper and the healing goes deep and deeper. And so it is time for that healing to go to the forbidden places that mindfulness has been afraid to go, the anger never allowed to form, the grief underneath, the sense that the world is full of sorrow. New life springs forth even as energies release into the Mother of transformation, the alchemical smelting pot that turns despair into hope. Candles and coloured lanterns and balls, a happy flowered skull holds a candle like a friendly All Hallows Day spirit come to warm us with her sweet tempered light
‘Tis a new pathway a new beginning and the inspiration and creativity are cresting a wave of happiness as we fall and rise on the waves of existence, loving and learning as we go. I am in that flow and rising into fullness, the path of service to all of life, the sacred wholeness that is love. Blessed be, blessed be, my Beloved and Me, we are one on this journey.
In my last post I spoke of an idyllic country retreat with lots of green trees and fields and animals frolicking around the place. Sounds lovely doesn’t it but I’m afraid this was one of those times when the beauty was only skin deep, or rather it was true of the landscape but not so much for the human inhabitants. My Beloved and I had many red flags and warnings but we were blinded by fear and the lure of not paying any rent. So we found ourselves suddenly presented with a 7 day termination notice on the same day we were going into retreat. There was only one thing to be done, to go fearlessly into our inner realms to observe the myriad of fears that the situation triggered in us both.
And oh what a wondrous journey and what treasures we have brought back with us to this everyday waking reality. We ate a clean alkalising diet in the lead up to the retreat and this has continued since then as I avoid bread and sugar as much as possible. As a result my body feels lighter, I’ve lost weight and have so much energy it makes me high as a kite! There is a sense now with my Beloved and I that we are finally ready to truly move forward on our “Love Bubble Presents” journey. We have been running classes and our dances but the numbers have been low and that has had a lot to do with our own internal barriers to being prosperous and successful. We are never short of ideas on what might help our cause but actioning those strategies has been one of those things that somehow never seems to happen.
In the end though I can safely say that my Beloved and I have never actually been out of the flow of divine timing, even in the place that turned out to be like a bad dream. Somehow I always knew it was meant to be and the transformation that has followed more than justifies the anxiety and stress of the last few weeks. We got out of there in 6 days and found a safe haven the day before so we didn’t end up having to store our stuff and go couch surfing. It only took 2 days to create a welcoming, warm and loving space in our new digs and we found ourselves truly relaxing for the first time in a couple of months. Now the challenge is to do something with the wisdom that has come out of our plunge into the depths of self. It’s time to take hold of our courage with both hands and to allow the motivation of doing what we love to dissolve any fears that may be holding us back.
There was an oracle card that I drew twice in the same day while I was on retreat, it was Pele the Hawaiian Goddess of the volcano. She was representing melting into divine desire, getting all fired up and motivated by the passion of what I want to create in the world. What a perfect message to receive and at the perfect time too! May my prosperous future come to me with grace and ease and with the heat of passion and love!
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I am feeling rather a lot of anxiety tonight, it is interesting to watch the knot of tension without investing any emotional weight to that tangle. And challenging, the temptation to interpret such sensations as doom and gloom is quite seductive, after all anything that feels that heavy must mean bad things. So I am watching it and doing my best to let it be, the less fuel I add the sooner this feeling can pass away. Impermanence, everything is always arising and then passing away. As a matter of fact I saw a client today and spoke of the way in which we add anguish to difficulties we are experiencing. It is how we perceive our circumstances that determines how much pain we might feel, or whether we have a sense of hope. It’s easy to think that what’s happening to you is making you feel a certain way but there is always a choice.
And so I tell myself as I do my best to stay true to what is best for my Beloved and I, even as I watch the fear dancing away in my belly. I am home alone tonight and even that feels right and proper, much as I am delighted to spend most of my time with my darling. Being on my own means there is no easy distraction from the uneasy sensation and in the end I have to sit with it. It sounds simple doesn’t it but the doing of it may be harder than you might imagine, it takes a certain amount of focus and faith in the process. And it’s a process that I trust, one that my Beloved spoke about in an essay that he sent to me when we were courting by email. Oh he knew how to seduce a woman, well the kind of woman that I am which is the bit that counts, one who is dedicated to exploring inner realms.
Sometimes the alternative realms can seem cool and groovy and fun, full of bliss and joy! But don’t underestimate the power of being able to sit fairly still with really uncomfortable feeling churning away in your belly. You will enjoy the ecstatic blissful bits even more when you have cleared away whatever is available for removal or transformation. It may not sound sexy but it is a part of a transformative kind of lifestyle that does lead to deeper happiness and contentment. I am starting to feel the end of this particular wave, so now if I can just stop eating sugar by the handful there may be hope for me yet! From the woman who remembers to breathe and to love and who is planning to move into the next chapter with ease and no fuss!
It’s been an interesting journey since I last posted, and yes quite a bit of it felt like that old Chinese curse/blessing, “May you live in interesting times.” My Beloved and I are inhabiting the in-between realm of transition from the life we have been living to something new that isn’t always completely clear. That of course is where trust comes in, one of the more challenging life lessons that spirit keeps tossing our way. The one on impermanence seems to be settling down somewhat even to the point that we are beginning to move away from our house sitting lifestyle. Not completely but we have a home base that feels very independent now so we will be very picky about where we go from now on.
One of the big lessons from our last house sit was about being clear about what our needs are and giving them a high value. We ended up sharing our space because we let the needs of others be more important than our own. Of course there are times when it is appropriate to put someone else first but you need to be conscious about what you are doing and why. My Beloved needs regular solitude in order to be a happy and healthy human being but he had to bring this basic need into his awareness and then learn how to ask for it. Sounds simple doesn’t it but it has been a very challenging process for him. How easy do you find it to actually ask for what you want in life?
It’s the old story, we might know what we want but the idea of asking for it brings up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. My early conditioning was so thorough I often had trouble even knowing what it was that I wanted, especially when it came to my sexuality. There is such freedom in expressing your truth no matter what! I’ve said it before and I will say it again, beyond the discomfort is a whole new realm of possibility and transformation. Don’t accept the limitations that Western culture uses to keep its populations under control. Be the magnificent being that is hiding in the depths beneath all those shallow materialistic concerns.
Be the best that you can be and love yourself exactly as you are!
I am a bit sick of this whole impermanence business so there is only one thing left to do! DANCE, DANCE AND DANCE! Moving the body in space is still my favourite medicine and I haven’t been doing nearly enough of that in recent weeks. So our ecstatic dance events are coming back just in time to keep me on track and get my body moving and grooving to an inner flow of transformation. And sharing that flow with other moving enthusiasts as we create an ocean of love over a couple of hours of dance. That sounds very much like heaven to me!
My Beloved and I did manage some dance while we were away from the Magic Kingdom and I could so feel the difference in my body even just spending an hour or so in a movement practice. So I continue to hold the intention of spending more time in that creative space as I am motivated by the imperative of once again holding space for the dance. Why there often seems like so much resistance to things that are fun and very good for me I really don’t know. But I will be like a dog with a bone and just keep intending until I have worn out all that resistance!
So what is it like to come along to one of our ecstatic dances? There is always a theme and for our return we are finally going to have the opportunity to embody “Songs for the Earth”. Actually the sub-heading could easily be: after the landslide! If you would like to read that story then check out “The Earth Moved As I Expand Into My Infinite Self“. We begin in a circle and invite everyone to bring an intention to the dance, you may want to explore a particular issue in your life or you may simply desire to dance joyfully with an open heart! There is a warm-up for the first 10 minutes or so as you have the opportunity to come fully into your body, then the journey begins.
Here is a song that is a part of the playlist for this Sunday, the song is Gula Gula and the artist is Mari Boine:
We always try to have a variety of music and there are times when it is not what people would normally dance to. I always encourage them to get out of their comfort zone and allow their bodies to find a way of navigating the sonic landscape even when it seems a bit strange. To surrender to the flow of your body and let yourself move from that place, it can be like a moving meditation.
To sweat is to pray, to make an offering of your innermost self. Sweat is holy water, prayer beads, pearls of liquid that release your past. Sweat is an ancient and universal form of self healing, whether done in the gym, the sauna, or the sweat lodge. I do it on the dance floor. The more you dance, the more you sweat. The more you sweat, the more you pray. The more you pray, the closer you come to ecstasy. ~ Gabrielle Roth, Sweat Your Prayers: http://www.5rhythms.com/gabrielle-roths-5rhythms/the-dancing-path/sweat-your-prayers/
So whatever your intention the opportunity is there for transformation as we create the sacred space of the dance. Laughter, tears and sweat, a great recipe on the roads to ecstasy!
One thing is quite sure about this journey through a physical incarnation, as we expand into our fullness there are many opportunities to practice new understandings. That’s if you happen to be paying attention, and why wouldn’t you in this marvelous and magical creation that is the planet Gaia! As a matter of fact the next theme for our Ecstatic Dance is “Songs of the Earth”. so my Beloved and I are in the process of exploring this notion in the form of a sonic landscape. How people choose to move through it is their choice, a mirror of where they are in their journey. More on ecstatic dance next week but if you would like to check out details on our next dance here is the link to our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/malenydance/
I have been feeling strong energies since the summer solstice of 2014 and it just keeps getting stronger as we move through the early months of 2015. I’m no expert on astrology so when I want to know more about what I’m feeling I often have a look at Mystic Mamma: http://www.mysticmamma.com/wiping-the-slate-clean-astrology-for-february-2015-by-sarah-varcas/ We have two new moons in February and the one that is coming in on 18/19 is on the cusp of Aquarius and Pisces. I know a bit about Aquarius as it is my sun sign and this moon is all about commitment to fundamental change.
I’ve noticed old beliefs and patterns of behaviour being massively challenged already and as such they can be very uncomfortable indeed. This happened for me a week and a half ago and I had the opportunity to watch my reactions as I was very triggered by an incident that occurred. Then there was a waiting period where I didn’t know if I would have to deal with it the next week or not. I tuned in and was told that it wouldn’t happen again but I watched my mind doing its best to catastrophise possible outcomes. A book I’ve been reading about a near death experience was incredibly helpful as I was reminded to focus on loving myself and what I do. My mind would try to fall into the old pattern and each time I noticed this I replaced it with thoughts of how much I love what I do. It was particularly interesting to notice how attached I felt to the negative projections into the future.
So I’ve decided to really focus on this tendency for my mind to run into negative grooves, and when I notice that it’s happening, to switch gears into a more positive frame. Just been tested again actually, had an email to do with work that has set the fear in my belly moving once again. So I’m sitting here and focusing on loving myself as I encourage my mind to explore the positive outcomes, which are in fact much more likely to occur anyway! It would be easy to go into overwhelm at this point so I will give myself a bit of time with this issue and then let it go for the evening.
Ahhhh for a magic wand ! Mmmmmmmm………oh that’s right, I am the magic wand!! And so are you, and you and you………… lets all be the marvelous creatures that we truly are, much love and blissings to you all.
Here is the final part of my snake story, as I read over what I wrote at the end of 2012 I can see with hindsight that I was pretty much spot on with the conclusions that I drew from my encounter with the reptilian realm.
With the chrissy whirl still going round and round I’ve had no time to research the significance of the snake, but it is a medicine that has come to me before and so I have some idea of its meaning for me. Snakes have the ability to unhinge their jaws and take in animals much larger than themselves, having taken this huge mouthful they then slowly but surely digest their food. I am learning a lot at the moment with this blog, for me getting started was the big mouthful and now as I am doing it I begin to make sense of what I am doing, understanding and integration slowly unfolding through the digestive juices of my mind and intuition.
This is also a time of transformation on a personal and global level, and this is probably the best known aspect of snake medicine. Letting go of the old is necessary in order to transform into new shapes just as the snake sheds its skin in order to be reborn. I am shifting from the old Kerry who was insecure, felt unworthy, and could not allow abundance to flow in her life, into a new improved model, like going from a broken down bomb to a sleek red Ferrari!
As I engage the gears of this new bio machine I feel the power within, and the life force flows through my being like sunshine glinting on the sea or a beautiful flower opening to the light. I feel enormous gratitude to the python for the message that it brought, it matters not that we are always this magnificent creature for we do forget how wondrous we are and need to be reminded over and over again, in a world that often tries to cover this burning truth.
And the reminders keep coming as I enter into the energy of 2015, the shadow will always be getting triggered if you are engaged with life. And there has been so much coming up for me, and I keep meeting it and clearing and my life continues to get better! I am really settling into my beautiful partnership with my gorgeous man, we have been in a love bubble for two but are beginning to expand that into something much larger. And part of that is me growing and evolving as an individual, we are spending a bit more time away from each other and that’s a good thing. It feels a bit strange at first when we have been together so very much, but I know that it will make our relationship even stronger in the long-term. And we are in for the long haul my Beloved and I.
Anima Animus by Toni Carmine Salerno
And there is exciting new growth for me as a psychic reader which I will share with you next week. Time to put action to inspiration and see how spirit responds to my passion and focus! Sending you all BIG love and lashings of blissings…….